Saturday, 10 July 2010


Previously, i said one of my posts was the most well travelled of the lot. Well, this one could well give it a run for it's money. There's even a bit of time skipping where we'll be going from the present to bits i wrote earlier to... Well, more of the present. Only, more recent than the older bits of the present. This has also been the most time consuming post I've written. I've contemplated writing, written, re written deleted and then done the whole process again, many times. Why, just now, I've had to re-write this whole paragraph be use my application on my iPad crashed. Wondeful.

Let's begin:

I've just come out of the bathroom, my lunch at kebabish- NEVER go to kebabish in manor park (actually, NEVER go to manor park)- has ensured me and my bathroom get close together at least twice an hour... WShing my hands, i came too close to the faucet and caused the water to splash all over the place, especially my jeans. Meaning now, having entered the living room, I'm being offered my niece's nappies. Apparantly in China, adult sized nappies are being sold for workers who live in distant, more rural parts and have to commute for hours on end to get to work in the city. I wouldn't really have put much credibility to this, had i not seen a few YouTube clips of commuters being crammed into trains at stations.

And you thought the central line was bad?

Word of warning, Ive noticed my ipads space key is being lame. De-jumble words as necessary...

But imagine that? The thought of pooing while you're sat next to someone on a train. Into a diaper. But the concept is, those trains are sooooooo packed, the people are practicallu stacked onto one another. You'd actually feel the... Bowel movements.

Classic thoughts by yours truly.

Let's go a few hours back on my short train trip home:
Im sat reclined slightly on a train home from manor park. Im using the overground for a change. It's spacious. And comfortable. Oddly. The last time i used one of these trains was on a trip to south end. Which I hope to be visiting tomorrow, as it happens. It's not often we get a heatwave in Britain. And on a weekend im not working on to boot. So hurray for the beach! Listening to "accidentally in love" from the soundtrack of shrek. Shrek 1. Im still dubious about shrek 4. One and two were fantastic, but three and that short Christmas film they did were horrid. Let's hope they go more towards matrix mocking and prince Charles slamming than they do squeezing every last dollar out of a movie franchise.

I actually got a ticket for the train today. It's a journey that begins and ends at stations where there are no barriers. So i could have jumped off scotch free... And was tempted to..........

But thats stealing. And we're trying to rebuild this economy people...

A paper ticket that was so redundant that i didn't even put it through a single barrier. There was nothing for me to actually make use of that ticket with.

Let's come back to the present:

That trip to the beach has been cancelled now. Damn having to please so many people. I know it's not the MOST appropriate use of the phrase, but bend your minds to make it work: a camel really is a horse by committee.

This app for typing on my ipad is actually kinda buggy. They need to release an update.

As much as i like work, there's a limit to how long i plan to be working in local government. I mean. It's nice and it could be seen by some as a career, but i don't see myself as a lifer... Not since they're introducing a bloody ugly uniform. UNIFORM! Im suddenly back at bloody o2.... Speaking of which im counting down the darn minutes till the white iPhone 4 comes out!!! Hopefully shipped without a signal glitch in the bottom left hand corner of the phone...

The iPhone4-
it video calls!
It records HD video!
It has a flash for the camera!
It multi tasks!
It groups your apps!
It's smexy looking!

It's just... SOMETIMES, it wont make phone calls.

More often than not if you're left handed...

But brand loyalty and that, it'll take a much bigger cock up than a phone that doesn't make phone calls to keep the hordes away from buying needlessly and heedlessly.

I want one.

My point stands though. My local(and by that i mean sheesha joint, not pub- come on, I'm Asian) is fantastic. I go to it regularly and they treat me well. I am without a shadow of a doubt, a very loyal customer. Coffee inn, seriously, check it out. And it's because when they're at their peak, they smash it. The sheesha rocks, the T bone steak is tender, oozing with gravey, the home made chips are soft, fluffy, the cakes, they even do 'dud pattee' an asian tea with loads of milk and a tea bag. No watery crap. Good stuff. And even when the sheesha is rough and tastes like coal, even when the t bone is well done rather than rare, when the portions of chops are meagre and the dud pattee is more... Pg tips... I like it better than any other place.

I was at the local today actually, and had a great experience. I've been listening to music really loudly on my bose (tm) (boo yah!) headphones and yeah, its cool. But im deaf. Almost. And I've sort of devised this way of mixing up lip reading and listening carefully. Being deaf doesn't really help when your talking to customers and trying to listen to their problems about abuse at home and needs for council tax.

"WHAT?! Your husband hit you with a WHAT?! A gardening fork? WHAT??"

no no no no no. Not acceptable.

Worse though, (and it IS worse than embarrassing a customer when you jeopardise your sheesha) was today at coffee inn. The dude made us what was possibly the best sheesha ever. Nuances is the word i would use to describe how the three different flavours were enveloped about one another. Fantastic. Though inevitably as the coal sits on top for any period of time, the flavour becomes harsher. The guy who was with us told us that blowing in, rather than sucking would remedy that. So i did. When he said don't blow harder, i only just heard- but didn't make out the "don't", looked up to do my combo of lip reading and listening to make out the "blow harder".

And so i did. I huffed and i puffed with ALL my might...! And kinda broke the sheesha. Liquid oozed out from the top, the coal on top kinda bounced and fell off the tray and every one else in the room looked up in silence...

Oh crap....

The guy, obviously quite taken aback by my.... I'll admit it, retardedness, shook his head and fixed me up another one.

So, so nice.

I also have this really weird habit of trying to sop from local shops as much as I can instead of going to bigger businesses. Keep the big man at bay and help out the little guy. And that's why i try to go to these Easter European/ algerian coffee shops that have sprouted along the high street instead of starbucks evilness. I used the same altruistic (yes, altrustic- i could save a bucket load going to bigger supermarkets!) approach when i walked past this kinda run down dime-store barber that's near my house. Ok admittedly, I'd pay MORE for a Toni and guy haircut, but that's by the by. The last time i went to a salon they gave me a fringe. Or at least tried to. For flips sake, im BALDING! The place i DONT have hair is in the bloody fringe region!

So i didn't risk him giving me an "awesome" hair style; "blade one on the side and two on top, blend it if you feel up to the task with a 1.5 in the middle, no biggie if you can't"..

Or so i told him. The dude smashed it up. Bladed all over the sides, line in my hair, all the bells and whistles. I was so proud of his work, i let him shave me. And that too, with expert precision, towards the end he was intricately chissling off individual hair around my line. I couldn't help but smle with the expertise he showed. But he told me not to. It was messing up his shave...

I go to him so often that i think im actually the person who's keeping his business afloat...

So good customer service is a must in the business world.

So there you have it, my note that breaks my silence. Hope you all enjoyed it/ used it as an excuse to distract yourselves from work.. It bloody took up all my evening/ my journey home on the train...


  1. Thanks I really appreciate it. shouldve saved it for monday though!

  2. Mohammed Hossain12 July 2010 at 21:41

    Faucet? Dime?

  3. Hi, not sure if you still check this blog, seeing as your last post was 2 years ago, but just on the off chance, I would really like to ask you about one of your old workplaces, and some posts from 2009?
    Thanks :)