Thursday, 31 December 2009 Ah that's too crytpic. COMMENT!

Quick note.
Beyonce, the queen of cool, bleached her skin.
Does that mean it's okay for me to wear a wig?

Wednesday, 30 December 2009

Kiwis! Shalwaar Kameez! Hamburgers! Ah I <3 NY!!! Martial Arts! FIDDY CENT!

Just to give you foo's an idea of the MAGNIFICENT success of this humble.. HUMBLE little blog. I would like to commend you, my fellow from India for staying on this blog for a WHOLE 2 hours 17 minutes and 2 seconds. Really, that's a fantastic achievement. Whether you had the page open in a tab and forgot to close it, whether you were expecting it to be porn and your internet is literally THAT slow that you had to wait for the page to load, whether, I don't know you were trying REALLY hard to make sense of what I was writing(?) I don't know, there's not any other explination why you'd be on this thing right?

Oh wait.. I know, it MIGHT have something to do with the fact that this blog is the flipping bee's knees! The dog's bollocks and just... a REALLY - GOOD - read!

Although in all honesty, our cultural references must be so unfamiliar to one another, I really can't see what you would have been understanding from what I'd written. Do they have heartbreak in India? OF COURSE NOT! You guys always pull away just before you get to the kissing. How could you have built any REAL emotion without actually getting physical.

That's RIGHT, you heard me. ALL relationships have to have a level of intimacy before they can be considered SERIOUS. Which is why when deciding who my best mate was....
Well.. let's just say, we're REALLLY close now.

Anyway, I feel like I should make this more of a Global thing to make others from around the world find this more relatable to those from different communities.

So.. Coke huh? McDonald's? Good stuff.
Ok so that's most of the world. And umm... Bloody those nuclear weapons are fun right? There's north Korea. Though they probably have McDonald's and Coke too. FINE! I'll try harder.
(Get's some of today's news....)


While relations between Britain and China have been somewhat turbulent of late, due somewhat to the lack of results of the Copenhagen summit no doubt, the recent news of the execution of Briton Akmal Shaik have sparked controversy across the nation. I'm sure you've all read a fair deal or come across the news in some way or another, I know I've even blogged about it a few days ago... And as such I won't go into details, however, it seems quite foul that a judicial system would disregard a persons right for clemency on the grounds of mental illness because "He didn't provide the evidence of his own mental illness". This is just insane. I'd say it's fair to assume that a FEW mental people might not know they're mental... So providing evidence might come as a little bit of a problem...

Anyway, what's more, it's reported (by the guardian) that it's likely that in the courts, he wouldn't have even been provided with a translator to understand what was being said.
Furthermore, the fact that he wasn't told he would be given the death penalty until a day before it was due to be dealt?!

And moving from one communist country over to a past communist country with whom British relations are far from good, Russia, is planning to send a shuttle into space to pulverise a meteorite that is heading for Earth. Well, not ALL of Russia, I'm sure it's just a select number of pretty clever Russians. In lab coats.
Well done you. Focus your energy on positive things other than killing people. Particularly mentally ill people.

That said, you did refuse to extradite the dude who was suspected of assassinating Litveyenko didn't you? Ahhh, don't think we forgot that! Cheeky buggers.

AND RUSSIA! Get the FUCK out of Chechnya you absolute WANKERS!
AND CHINA! Get the FUCK out of Tibet you absolute WANKERS!
Hi, my American readers... =D
I won't say anything daft like
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF AFGHANISTAN, IRAQ, Israel's Anus (though admittedly it's just your nose in there), AND STAY OUT YOU ABSOLUTE WANKERS!!
because I'm still trying to get you guys to spend more than 2 seconds on my blog.

Though if you got to this point, I've already achieved that. So yeah. Get the fuck out.

As I have said, so shall it be.

I can just imagine American, Chinese and Russian readers saying.. Er, no?

And how do I come back to that?!

But really, what good is a British person pointing fingers at other's when in fact we're at war with countries too. And our politicians are being Bribed/ Coerced by wealthy individuals in order that they can have some influence in the way policy is made and such things.

But then, how much longer is Britain going to remain where it is? It's already losing it's standing in the world's most affluent countries, in fact it's the ONLY remaining 1st world country to not drawn itself out of recession. It's political power has been reduced to nothing, partly based to it's blindly following whatever America has opted for, particularly with regards to the wars in the middle east. Which ties in to the fact that it's economy is being held in place by foreign powers (many Chinese) and as such, China can get away with sticking it's middle finger up at Britain through a) the Copenhagen climate summit, b) Executing British citizens.
And do so without flinching because it knows that Britain requires it's bilateral relations with China more than it does itself.

Ever notice how everything in the WORLD is made in China?

I'm gonna stop. Gives you the chance to read this tonight, gives me the chance to watch the big fat quiz. Of LAST year.

Tuesday, 29 December 2009


Damn evil commenters on this blog. I ask for comments and the few that I get are either lack lustre or so overly zealous in insulting me.... That I think I'm crying.

Anyway, what's new in the world? I was an inch away from writing a blog post at 3 in the morning today, I was readgin the Guardian Website and heard that China was going to give that British dude the death penalty for trying to smuggle Heroin or something out of it's border. Which would be honkey dorey if not for the fact that the guy was mentally ill at the time. Anyway I was inches away from writing about it when I read the time he was gonna be killed. It was 2pm GMT, which had already passed, so I felt strange writing about a guy who was in the process of or had recently been killed. I wouldn't know what tense to use. Just remember him I guess.


And let that be a lesson to the rest of you. Heroin=Lethal injection.

I applied to be a special constable the other day. Which was a long process. The form kept going bizarre online and told me things that I'd completed were incomplete. But I got around to completing it after like 4 hours of working on it. But in retrospect I remember that I checked bisexual under the sexual orientation option...


They can't exactly test me on that can they?

Out of the corner of my ear I can hear my dad talking to a guy about his pension on the phone. Which means I think he's planning, or at least considering, to take early retirement. Which is a shame, he only has a few years left on the clock before he gets the full shabbang.

Ah well, what you gonna do?

I think Google owns the world.
Or at least the majority of the land. And a large portion of the water too.
They certainly own the most important cyberspace in the world.

Oooh rumours of an iSlate coming out soon!? What do we think about that!?
If you ARE thinking about getting yourself an iPod touch you might want to wait until after Apples January conference, I know at least one person who IS considering getting an iPod touch SOLELY for watching films. If that is something you yourself like the idea of... HOLD ON!!!
The iSlate is fully rumour, there is actually NO solid evidence that it's coming out in January OR that it even exists in all honesty, but it's been revealed that apple bought the domain for which is interesting. The head of Time magazine also hinted at it in a press conference or something. So anyway, it's release is said to be eminent. BUT HANG ON! What is it!?!

Well again, fully speculation but essentially, it's a large tablet that is fully touch screen and is used to connect to the internet and watch movies. Consider it a cross between an iPod touch and a laptop. Publishers have been getting together and working on deals to benefit from the potential of a new market for emagazines. Essentially, eBooks but colourful. So you can download your favourite magazine straight to it when it comes out! Really big screen (rumours of a 10 inch model!? Or even a 6 inch one) means great for watching films, surfing the net and it just looks like fun! Too big for a pocket but small enough to fit in a bag. Ergonomics has never been too much of an issue for apple, I'm sure whatever they do it'll be successful. So maybe consider that before buying an iPod touch. I know I'm sitting on buying a new iPod because of this. My home button is royally F'd in the A. I have to press it hard against a table corner or the back of a pen for it to register.
Here are some of my favourite mock ups of how it might look:

Anyway! I think I'm done with this post...

.. Yepp, I'm done.

Monday, 28 December 2009

I need some sleep

Let's say right, that you're heartbroken and you feel pretty low because the girl you're mad about has moved on to some other duche bag, who may, MAY not actually be a douche but in fact a perfectly nice human being...

Let's say that's the case right.. Don't whatever you do listen to this song.

Right, that song there, is likely to make you feel at least a little bit worse. I've been listening to it and somehow it's slowed my movements right down and minimized my social interaction to "Bumping into people". I've also somehow managed to lose the ability to smile.

So those contemplating suicide because of the aforementioned predicament, well, if you need that extra nudge, this'll do it for you. However, you are REALLY sad if you're contemplating suicide. Seriously. Live a little...

Anyway, enjoy that song for those of you just listening to a nice mellow tune.

What else is happening in the world now days? Not much.


I'll watch the news, be given an opinion and I'll spew it out to you guys tomorrow, how's that sound?

Until then, keep yourselves busy. Maybe buy me an iPod touch?

Go on...

Saturday, 26 December 2009

India beat Pakistan, Bangaldesh and Sri Lanka...

HERE doth mark the first visitor from India.
Progress. And thank you dear person whoever you are. I love that you have visited the site. A little longer than 0 seconds maybe next time?
And I'm telling you, American's love that unknown blog website, I've had at least a dozen visits from the other side of the pond and they're all coming from
I just want to reiterate that the name of that website kinda makes me feel bad about my blog dudes. Let's make this a KNOWN blog.

Let me also say that the 100 push up thing is HARD!!
Well for me, I really have no qualms with admitting I'm not strong. It's not my forte. I don't wear it on my sleeve. In fact, my sleeves are always long mainly BECAUSE of the fact that I want to hide my skimpy arms. If there were a group of people and I had to bring something to the table so to speak, it wouldn't be brawn.

It would be dry humour. Wit.

Who wants biceps when you've got a smile? HUH!?

Well.. me obviously, I AM beginning this regime...

AND YES, before you overzealous readers go into semantics, I understand that push ups don't really exercise the biceps, they're aimed at the triceps and pectoral muscles... which are in fact, the triceps at least, antagonistic with the triceps so there is SOME good that will come to my biceps. I think...

Anyway! To summarise! Welcome INDIA! You have brought us exotic food, wildlife, culture, Sunrise radio! And we bring you a bloody good blog.

Fair trade.

Enough from me today, I'm about to go out.

COMMENT! ESPECIALLY YOU AMERICAN/INDIANS! Not.. I don't mean American Indians!!! I mean... Americans AND Indians...

But if there ARE Native Americans hanging about this blog... COMMENT! Tell us what it's like to be you!

The effects of insomnia.................. {o__o}

It's hard to do really big things or stand up against something when you're alone. Whether it's an ideal or an agenda, a person or a nation. Against a whole world you seem irrelevant, insignificant and the task can seem tedious, impossible even. Though occasionally the small acts of one person can be enough to create a ripple effect and begin a landslide of some sort. So don't be disheartened, don't fret and don't ever feel insignificant; within each of us lies the key to our own potential and the only thing keeping you from opening that doorway to success is your own inhibition. Nothing else. Be proud if you stand alone. In minority find solidarity, in diversity find uniqueness, even in rejection find self worth.

In your own complacency, find the problem.

Take time to reflect on when you were last completely free in front of someone. Comfortable enough to be yourself, absolutely, unequivocally. Revel in the fact that you have found someone with whom you can confide in such a way. Yet ask yourself why you can't be like this in front of everyone else? What is it in us that makes us conform, makes us act in a particular way? Is it personal inhibitions or are we conditioned to act, live, love and interact in a particular way?

Is society composed of individuals or do individuals belong in a society?
Are we governed by a government or do they answer to us?

Are you particularly lazy/healthy/intelligent because of things that happened to you as a child? Were you given the good milk? Were you fed fruits? Was your fate determined by the social and environmental factors that beset your parents at the time of your youth? Are you as tall as you are because of the same thing? Are you stubborn because you've been put in a particular situation your whole life? Are you genetically inclined to be more susceptible to diabetes? Do you have a sweet tooth? Statistically, are you more or less likely than the average person to go to university? What is your take on corporal punishment? What music do you like?

Imagine all these factors, all your attributes and even, to some extent, your opinions could be predetermined based on social factors.

That would depend on who decides what the definition of things are, right? Who decides the difference between a short/mini and ordinary skirt. What's rock n roll and what's indie. What's cool and what's SO last week.
What's a war crime and what's promised land.
Is it a person that decides these things? A group of people? Is it democratically decided? I can't remember getting a vote on whether crocs are cool or not...
An eye in the sky, representing an Orwellian sense of nanny state observance brings about a sense of foreboding; yet when apathy controls the people invasion of privacy is just another way to gain 15 minutes of fame.

What is the status quo and who/what defines it? Is it a unifying ideal that leads us to solidarity and provides common aspirations or does it impose upon us a set of boundaries, subduing us to conforming and alienating those who are different?

Through subtle innuendo, insinuation and connotation we are led to believe things we aren't even aware consciously that we believe.
Coke Zero is more manly than diet Coke. It's black, after all...
Nike makes you run faster...
Science is FACT...
We can have reservations regarding things we know absolutely nothing about. Israel is? Palestine belongs to? Form views based on what other people's views are. We are fed out thoughts. And we regurgitate them as retarded opinions and assume they came from the depths of our own consciousness.

Imagine a brain as a sponge. It can absorb knowledge, take in and form memories, discern senses from optical to physical, translate waves to sounds, maintain a body that is capable of staying alive and conscious, coordinate between the hand and the eye, breath, taste and all the while allow you to update your facebook status.

Consider there are people who have studied solely how the brain works. How it collects information and how perhaps, the collective brains of a particular group of people may work. How they may, for instance have an opinion on the word "green" and mysteriously have an unknown consensus of what the word connotes? Who thought of nature or of something related to the environment? Who thought of weed???

Consider then, that a word such as different can be synonymous with unique though each word can connote something so unfamiliar to one another.

Or how the words retire and abandon can do the same thing.

What happens though, when even the meaning of the words are irrelevant.
What about the impact the SIZE of a word can have on the word itself? I'm sure I'm not the only person who's heard the expression "The quick sly fox..." Notice how the shorter, faster to say words actually give the message themselves?

Then what about when you say something without having to even say it?

I've only got one bag.
...You have to buy your girlfriend a new bag basically. Or two.

Well, it's getting late, I have work in the morning.
F$#K off now please. Nicely.

I don't have to tell you that I don't want brown people in my area.
There are already 17,000 Asians in the east of London and this figure is set to double by 2018.

Or similarly, I don't have to be outwardly racist to imply it.
A teacher agrees that a play about crime and it's recent impact on her locale is a relevant and close-to-home topic for her students' Christmas Play.

"The teacher, originally from Cambodia where Christmas consists of little more than a meal, if anything at all, outrageously imposed a foreign and ruthless play in replacement of the more festive and traditional Christmas nativity play."

Well... Harsh consonants: Culture CLASH. IslamiFICATion.

I prefer cultural evolution. Social integration. Broadening our horizons, reaching out to your neighbours. Learning something new.

Dunno why I wrote all that..

Oh yeah!

It's hard to do really big things or stand up against something when you're alone. Whether it's an ideal or an agenda, a person or a nation. Against a whole world you seem irrelevant, insignificant and the task can seem tedious, impossible even. WHICH IS WHY!!! I'm thinking of starting something called the one hundred push up challenge but it's probably going to become daunting and repetitive as time goes on. If anyone else wants to try and do a hundred push ups in 6 weeks, join in! I have actually tried this before but essentially stopped after a week because it got boring.
Which is why I think it would be more motivating to have someone else doing it! All the rest of this post was just a rambling preamble! Sorry, GAH!

Friday, 25 December 2009

If you're feeling low for whatever reason. I dunno, maybe because you're missing your ex- or whatever- then do not listen to songs like this unless you're lacking the resolve to shoot your brains out and need that little extra help. Minus the gun. It won't give you a gun.

I found it, began listening to it and as if by magic my movements became sluggish and I lost the capacity to smile somehow.

Fifty posts later...

And a couple of megabytes of data,
And a few pages worth or writing,
And tens of hours worth of effort,
And thousands of words,
And hundreds of thousands of letters,
And numerous personal boundaries discarded,
And a few strangers comments,
And one messy break up,
And a couple of anecdotes later.............

I'm still here.

Thick skin...

And nothing better to do.

Good god, please let my job start soon! I'm actually going bizzerk. On the verge of losing it. Not just silly losing it, I mean seriously, fake maths and poetry doodled on the wall with shit losing it. Foaming at the mouth biting my own leg losing it. Clapping my elbows together while trying to draw a map of London around my bellybutton losing it.

I've already made plans for the money I'm gonna ear and how to spend it. Driving lessons. Or moving out? Which takes precedence? I'm at a loss. Well, really, starting the ACTUAL JOB takes precedence, but let's ASSUME it begins. One day...

I need to get the heck out of here. Any young nubile women feeling similarly....

Get a room dammit! Can't you see I'm simply on the rebound and will NOT be a pleasant person to be living with. Sheesh.

I am well impressed with how easily you can google looserballs. Go on, do it. It'll show up straight away! Like top 5. I mean, it DOES recommend that perhaps you meant loose balls. Which I can't begin to understand the logistics behind... Loose balls?!

Hi! I'm Barry Scott. Notice how your balls aren't QUITE as loose as that guy next to you? Perhaps you find it hard to sleep at night, what with having such tightly wound nuts? Well, scrounge about in your pants no more! With new Cillit-Balls! Watch how it unwinds even the tightest screwed balls with just one spray!



Cilit BALLS! And the unsightly pain in your scrotum is GONE!

Shut up, it's late at night and I can't sleep... Not even night anymore, it's actually more morning than night. Some people wake up at this time. Bloody hell. Enough. Go google something.

Let there be a title!

All the kids are asleep because they're waiting for their Christmas presents to appear under the tree. This is the only explanation I can give for why no one is online at the moment. Save for two people. One of whom is on his mobile phone.

Got Rock Band today! Is good. Lots of fun until you begin singing yourself. Then you hear yourself. Not a good sound.

It doesn't have many good songs on it either. Played it once, sang all the songs. Great.

It's no singstar... It's also like, you only need to stretch the words to be as long as the originals. It doesn't matter if you can sing in tune or not. Lame..

Anyway, not much else to say in this blog. Tired. Night.

Wednesday, 23 December 2009


That was a misleadingly exciting title.

It's 6.15 in the morning and I'm still awake. This is lame.


...Which is pretty much the tone of this post so you may as well stop reading if you have anything better to do than read the literary equivalent of watching paint dry...

Today was a strange day, I spent it looking at avenues of education/ employment I'd like to pursue. It came with the realisation that the job I've been hanging on to getting probably isn't actually going to come through. Was watching some guy be interviewed by a news reporter on Al Jazeera and he was a business analyst. Asked why Britain was the only... Place(?) from within the G20 who was still in recession, he replied that this government has been spending far too much on it's public sector. The sector I was looking to get a job in. A low level job. One that's more likely to be cut should the tories get into power and make cut's on labour's overzealous spending on councils.

Ah well. I looked at courses at places like Birmingham University for their foundation years. I ended up taking quite a liking to a course offered by Birkbeck college. Close, convenient, part time so I can keep working. SHOULD I get a job. I know the word keep is a little premature. Very.

Anyway, I'm just typing out a stream of conciousness to keep myself from falling asleep on this increasingly comfortable sofa. The tellies on, the lights are switched on and I'm sure I'd be able to slip into a sound sleep without much of a problem. I don't really want to get up and go to my room either...


As I type, I'm searching the net for drivers for my old laptop, trying to get it up and running again. Ah that devout, loyal beast of a machine, I'll love it forever. The great times I've had on/with/around that thing..

In all honesty, I'm posting this because that last post was done incorrectly and the embedded video was covering my picture of myself. Which irritated me.

I'm three chapters into my maths book now, just... 5 more left. Sheesh. It's getting difficult; the further I get into it, the harder I'm finding it to teach myself how to do some of the stuff. That said, this chapter's pretty self explanatory. And short. So wohoo!

What else..?

There was snow. Which was a bit of a bitch because It meant I had to concentrate on EACH and EVERY single step I had to take... Which meant I couldn't enjoy my music as much...

I'm pretty much running out of things to say... I was considering having someone else post stuff on this blog. I can have multiple people post stuff on this.

Reckon you'd like to? I'm not always the most entertaining read, I can imagine... I'm sure you lot would be good at telling everyone... what clothes you've bought recently, what you've done with your hair... All the fun groups you've joined on facebook and just how much you really, really like Hollyoaks...

Italicising that text was the closest I could come to making it sound sarcastic.. Just in case someone, somehow managed to side-step the sheer volume of sarcasm in there...

LOTS of sarcasm.

Just a quick shout out to a mathematical genius, nay, a genius of most topics in many disciplines and well, just about everything. Who came up with the formula:


Though upon delving further, learning even an iota of it, it becomes blatantly apparent that this formula transcends mere maths and invites itself on all aspects of humanity. From philosophy to history to sciences to culture and yes, even to children's television...

Work out what it means. Homework young children. urbandictionary that stuff if you need to. Then wiki it to work out what that fancy word means if you need to... I know a certain someone who needed to do that. which was funny. Remember as you may find that is necessary in Algebraic functions in maths, it is often required to factorise a formula, so before doing the search in urban dictionary, consider how much of the phrase you need to put into the search box.

First one to come back with the answer to the equation, just stating what it means or just saying what barries equates to, gets to... win some of the topic at hand.

Monday, 21 December 2009

Now here, is a way to alienate your audience if ever I saw one...

I'm incredibly bored at the moment.
Watching discovery channel bored...

Sunday, 20 December 2009

The brother in law and I came up with a poetic response...

Prices were lower, quality was higher,
MFI's motto was quoted by a liar,
As the sweeds entered the competition,
Foreclosure was MFI's only decision.
Ikea's competition grew too hot for MFI,
Like Nazir's self worth; their assets had to liquefy.
In a sombre tone of resignation, declares it's under administration.
Their mission statement placed them in a bind,
As cash registers slowed down into a stagnant grind.
Unfortunately the low prices left profit margins minimal,
Thus their marketing campaign was left to be dismal.
With perhaps the most retarded poet in the East of London,
Who writes as though he's recovering from a bludgeon
As his inspired diction failed to draw in the crowds,
MFI were left to furnish castles in the clouds...
So in our closing lets clarify,
There is no more MFI,
We implore you to fight the urge to cry,
There are still numerous places where you can exercise your power to buy.
It's doors may be closed, though it's memory will remain,
Through the garbled, nonsensical ramblings of Nazir Ahmed's brain.

A blogger in need is a blogger indeed...

Quick! I don't have time to go through all of your comments in my last post. All... 1 of them...

No, I need help! I'm sure that there are a few of you on who read this that can help me. I'm doing more of that damned maths stuff and here's something that boggles me. Whenever a surd gets divided by 2, it's like it's getting divided by 4! Why is this? Should I be dividing by twice as much when it's a surd? I'm confused with this, so hook me up with some of that knowledge you people have so much of.

On a related note: I was hungry, ate an apple and the acidity of the damned apple made me more hungry.

Apples: Not hunger food.

In what way was that related? Well I got frustrated at the whole math thing and realised I haven't eaten today. So I got the apple, you can see where the story goes from there.

Not much of a story..

Ahh! Now that I'm on this thing, I don't think I can stop! And I was in such a hurry at the start of it too! Gosh darn it! I don't even feel like getting back to the maths now...

If you have a moment, comment. You can comment as an anonymous person if you wish to, thus bypassing the need to create an account. However if you use GMail, you already HAVE an account! FANtastic! Right?

Anyway, I'm sick of this thing now, time to wallow in some maths. Toodles.

Saturday, 19 December 2009

Completing that damned square...

So I was checking out who this person is who labels themselves as anonymous and giggles as comments on my blog. Thanks, loving the giggles, really.

But I got bored of that and saw where my visitors come from. Obviously loads in Britain, but...

Hells, yeah... I got someone visit my blog from... Beverly HILLS! Flipping hell yeah! They stayed on the blog for less.. than... 5.. seconds... But NONE- the LESS!!!!

If you stumble across this site again or, you know, if you're the person's suspicious partner and you're snooping around there history to see what looserballs is about- HI!

But then, further East in America, we shuffle over to Texas where someone else stayed on my blog for a fraction of a second, but get this, they FOUND my blog on a website called...

not cool man. Not cool...

I'm sleepy.

Friday, 18 December 2009

What's up doc?

I remember when I started this thing and I posted everytime we hit new viewing figures. That was crazy stuff. To be honest, I lost the capacity to gauge how many visitors I've had for a while now, after it exceeded 500 a few weeks back. I can see a day by day visitor count and I'm pleased to say this blog's easily surpassed a thousand views. So thank you all very much. I know there are some friends of friends who have become regulars here! Comment! Let me know you're here, give me a reason to carry on writing! Or is your cold steel like silence indicative of the fact that you wish for me to stop? Ah who am I kidding, I've got nothing better to do, I'd blog with or without your feedback. It IS appreciated though!

I've had visitors, like I said from all over the place, some from the States; You alright buddy? And from up and down the country. I know loads of people in universities all over the place though some people visit from places I can't even pronounce. Which is nice! Ba Right Ton? I think.. And Mostly in the capital, I get people going on their mobile phones, I get a certain someone visiting me from Kings college internet (love ya!) and some people who visit this blog possibly more than I do. Thanks!

I've been on a health thing these past few days, like I said in my post yesterday. Carrots instead of Snickers, Apples instead of burgers.

I... AM.... HUNGRY!!!!

But I'm feeelin' GOOOOOD!!!!

Not really, mostly I'm just feeling hungry. But I've taken a particular liking to carrots. The amount I eat might be harmful for me, since they're not as substantial as an actual bar of chocolate, I grab a handful and chow down. I think I'm going orange.

But on the topic of Carrots, I brought it up specifically actually, it's not like, oh I randomly spoke about carrots now I have something to say about them, no, I ACTUALLY wrote all those paragraphs about me being on a whole health thing to set up for this following thing, in fact, the WHOLE reason I even WROTE anything today was because while eating a carrot, I noticed something, which I'm about to mention, and thought, yeah... I could write a blog about that.

It's all in the planning.

Anyway, have you noticed that carrots have like a stalk of some sort in the middle of them? And with not too much precision, you can nibble around it and your left with this stalk which has sort of roots sticking out all around it? Not like, muddy roots, I know the image flashed into my mind as I wrote it, but like, veins, holding the carrot together.

Not like bloody veins... Gah! You morons!

But yeah, I did just that, I bit around the whole carrot and was left with this slim centre piece of carrot. Which for some reason seems to be sweeter than the rest of the carrot. Or maybe it's just a weird placebo like side effect of not eating junk food.


Yeah, the whole reason I wrote this blog can be summed up with Meh.

My dinner has been served now and I'm eating in to my eating time by staying here. Be GONE!

But comment =)

Thursday, 17 December 2009

Now, what shall we call this one?

When we were younger, and I'm talking to the people who are aged around my age here, I know this blog attracts a plethora of visitors of all ages and.. yes... backgrounds, look at my one American visitor...

Ok, I've come to terms with the fact that American person probably typed in LOOSER BALLS because he was looking for a way to loosen his testicles. Why, I don't know...

So anyway, when we were younger, fasts used to be shorter. Much shorter, as in, run home on your way back from school to make it in time shorter. Where as now, since they're in summer, they are substantially longer. As in, don't run anywhere for anything lest you loose the little water left in you. But we weren't aware of how long these fasts could be, in fact, at that time, fasting when we fasted was quite a feat. Considerably difficult. And it's kinda cool that now, I know for myself, I can look back on the whole experience and think, yeah, those fasts were quite easy to do.

And in a sense it's cool because now, when winter comes and you might consider what it would be like fasting on a day like today, I know for myself, I didn't really eat anything until after sunset. Not anything substantial anyway.

Really useful way, in my opinion, to put things into perspective.

I think the date we start fasting goes forward by around ten days each year right? So if I started fasting ten years ago, I would have begun a hundred days earlier into the year!

I'm hungry, but I'm refraining from eating anything junky now. Only fruits. But I think I'm overdoing it with the fruits. I've had three carrots, two pears and an apple to compensate for the lack of...

Chocolate, crisps, burgers, chips, fizzy drinks, sweets, sour sweets, slightly less sour sweets, fried chicken, chicken wraps, pizza, spicy wings, milkshakes... etc. that are readily available just steps away from my house.

But now my mouth is watering. APPLE! APPLE! APPLE!!!! :O

Anyway, back when I used to write notes on Facebook, oh yeah, dude in America, add me, those notes are something. You think THESE are good? Whew, THOSE things were inSPIRED!

BACK ON TRACK! Gah! I need to stop being such a whore!

Back when I used to write things on Facebook, I spent a little while reviewing some stuff because, well I felt I was the authority on Everything. A part of me still does... So my reviews came and went but I still get a mate asking me to review a few things now and then. I reckon, I'll start with what is undoubtedly my favourite site on the net.

Really good stuff, simple layout, get's the job done.

You can also check out

Again, really good site. One of my favourites.

Umm.. Look up wikipedia on the first website I mentioned. That's a good site.

So yeah. Some good stuff is out there, all you have to do is keep an eye out for it, really...

10 pages of C1 NAILED down, just 122 left...

I haven't checked the sites performance today, but I'm pretty sure it would look quite bleak. You people aren't spreading the word. A simple post on your Facebook, a random conversation with your mum, a chat with the neighbour, all GOOD, VALID ways to spread the word! How many people, Ballal Bia, have you told about my blog? That's right, NONE! Just tell one of the people at work!

I've been busy today, brushing up on some Maths work! For those of you who don't know, C1 is a maths book and I've done 10 pages of it. I taught myself how to.... Simplify expressions, Expand expressions, Factorise expressions, Factorise Quadratic expressions, Extend the rules of indices to all rational exponents (oooh!!) Manipulate surds! And boy did I manipulate them. Those surds, right, are SO manipulated, they're gonna go off and start a protest march in my name. Protesting against.. stuff. Like.. hard maths exams.

Anyway, I think it's quite a feat to teach yourself this stuff, I had someone try to teach me this very thing a little while ago, but it went in one ear and out the other...
So yeah... A couple years late, I know... :|

Here's something yeah.

How comes right, people show off about how much chilli they can eat yeah, and when you go to a place like Nando's with them, a place where, the spicy-ness of the food is shoved right into your face from the moment you step in, you're instantly greeted with their hierarchy of spice. Which, fair enough, most people stick to what they like, eat it, go about there business. But you get SOME people who say something along the lines of:

"OH!! You're ONLY eating Mild! Or Lemon and HERB! Or that MILD MANGO one! Oh MAN! That's SOOO LAME! It's so mild, I can't even TASTE that chicken man!"

Yeah, prats right? Because the way I see it, who's worse off, me or you when I can TASTE mild food? Don't have a go at me when your taste buds have doped up on the culinary equivalent of MDMA and rendered obsolete. Like floppy disks.

Sheeesh. But, Mm Nando's....

There WAS something else I wanted to talk about in this blog post, but I fear I'm running out of things to say, so I'll save it for the next one. Stretching them out, getting as much mileage out of this baby as I can...

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Chilli food.

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

In no way endorsed by Nazir Ahmed. Neither the politician nor the knob jockey CEO of Best Tutors.

I'm in a proper shit mood today.

Ever been in a situation where everything's going fine, you've enjoyed your day, things are just going along as they always do and then WHAM! Something happens to just piss you off. Like someone pulled the rug from under you and you slip, whack your head on the corner of a table and realise you'll never be able to say the number six again.

Something like that.

My bad mood is confounded by the fact that I'm sat infront of he Telly and my mum's watching crappy Pakistani telly. Mostly the adverts piss me off, but the phoney religious programs don't get off without blame... CF Claims fast. Those clever wankers, Italicize the text, make it seem fast!

Even the stroke advert seems to be a blurry rendition when displayed on a Pakistani Telly channel. F.A.S.T That's face, arms, speech, TIME! Come on you must have seen it by now, oh wait, not all of you are from the UK... I'm reaching out to all nations now aren't I? FAN-tastic...

F.A.S.T Is an acronym for symptoms that occur when someone is having a stroke-
Face- Looks mashed up
Arms- Act mashed up.
Speech- Is mashed up.
Time- To CALL 999! Or 911. ;)

If you're offended by the way I said the things were mashed up... Okay.

Still in a bad mood, but why deny you kitties one of these things?
I was thinking of the BNP while I was in the shower. As you do. And Nick Griffin is a prick.
I don't think it's said enough. I think we should like say that to at least one person a week. Just to reaffirm it. Throughout the nation. Lest anyone forget. Or slip and think, well you know. Nick Griffin, he's an alright kinda guy.


Stop RIGHT there! He is a Fat pleb. A racist. And he smells funny. Not funny ha ha. Funny like a ... Hang on yeah, I could keep insulting him but we're all aware that those insults weren't any good and either way, I think I've filled my quota for the month...

But yeah! He goes, if people of the past were to look at Britain today, they wouldn't recognise it with all the multiculturalism that's going on...

I'm sure that's not going to be their BIGGEST barrier though. You know, what with CARS! And... Motorways and Digital Television with it's Red button. Hang on! Why isn't there a white button?!
Hmm, I smell the foul stench of multiculturalism infecting our home television viewing...

Oh god, even though I'm in the shittiest mood ever, there isn't anyone who this couldn't crack up. Seriously, this is TRUE. It's even crazier than the time I was in the toilets of a Pizza Hut and witnessed two really loud guys bumming each other.

I used to work in a hell hole called O2. Before that, though, I was in Hells secluded basement that no one knows about because the sadistic, rapist parent's who live in Hell have it sectioned off for the people it REALLY wants to fuck up. That's right, Best Tutors.
Right, well at Best tutors, they had these work books that we taught the kids with that the headteacher designed. I used to teach English, and the books had stories in them. They were like Aladdin and Sleeping beauty and other popular stories. Only they were The Nazir Ahmed renditions. Essentially what this means is that they were encumbered with spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and, well sodomized versions of the original stories.

To give you an example of what kind of complex this guy has, he had all his staff refer to him as Sir Nazir...
To further that example by some deranging information, the prince that save sleeping Beauty? Well his name was Ahmed. Ahmed was a prince who owned a tuition centre. Ahmed's tuition centre was the BEST TUITION centre in the world...

Okay that's well freaky, yes. But not the icing on the cake. No, no, there's some icing and a glazed frickin' cherry to come. You see recently, I went on the Best Tutors website. I did a search for someone and their name came up on the Google search in the Best Tutors website. And it's a pretty shitty website, but like most websites, there's the navigation bar up top. Sections include:




Fuck YEAH!!!

Here's some pretty deep shit:

Let me start with one of the less egotistic poems...



Mum is the greatest blessing of Lord,
It is said himself by the greatest God.
In her lap I don't feel any fear,
Otherwise, I have to shed the tear.
Mum is very kind and polite,
In the darkness, she is the light.

Okay, I'm not taking away from his love for his mother, but if a year 6 kid wrote like that while I was tutoring him (was this close from typing IT instead of him... :| ) his paper would be covered in so much red ink... Who am I kidding? I'd still be drawing on the back cover of his book...

But NO! There's more!! Before I carry on, I think I should devise a new sort of tool to decipher this guys poems.



In our next listing, the inspired poet has offered his pen to MFI. That's right, the sofa company. Perhaps for a slot on the Fu****g Telly channel I'm being subjected to right now. It might actually fit in. Here goes:


Low prices, quality high, (You can see where this is leading already...)
This is the motto of MFI.
Up to now in any competition,
We have got the top position.
In competition, no one can beat MFI, (he's basically run out of things to say at this point...)
Even some are unable to qualify.
Our mission is to provide peace of mind,
In shopping of any sort or kind.
All sorts of things you want to buy,
Without hesitation come to MFI.
Although we are not biggest in London,
Even then we want to lower your burden.
(It's at this point, Nazir gets crazy and EVERYTHING rhymes!)
If you want yourself to satisfy,
For the domestic issues to simplify,
Or if you want to clarify,
You must come to MFI
The prices of others are very high,
Either you may not have the power to buy,
Or after shopping you have to cry,
To resolve all this, just come to MFI

Whew I really didn't want to have to quote so much but seriously, can you blame me? That stuff was golden! LOL! I cannot believe the retarded ZEAL of this man when it comes to promoting himself?

I can picture an MFI ad now, where the voice over says:

"Do you suffer from spontaneous post shopping blues? Do you find the power to buy has left you? OR are you simply looking for low prices, quality high? Well come on over, to the seventh largest sofa retailer, MFI!"

For those of you who want to know a little more about the prince of his Sleeping Beauty story, well, I think he's written a poem about that dude as well. I'll try hard ot cut this one short, but I'm not making any promises...

It's titled:

Lord Ahmed of Rotherham

I'm genuinely finding it hard to stomach putting this crap on my blog. Not that standards are particularly high to begin with though... Okay, here goes.

Lord Ahmed is a great treasure
his greatness is hard to measure (
due to a constant state of flaccidity)
His personality is very excellent
he has lots of wisdom and talent
He always tries to help others,
therefore gets prayers of mothers.
Sometimes he has to sacrifice,
even at the cost of his own price.
He is completely inconsiderate,
either the others love or hate him.

I'll leave it at that, though I want to take one more stanza from a little later in the poem. It made my brow furrow...

All these qualities made him great,
there is no such Muslim leader up to date.

Well, I'd debate that there would be a COUPLE of prophets that MAY give you a run for your money you narcissistic, self important FUCKING CUNT!!

Its alright, I'm cool now, I should be "safe as in mother's arm"...

Monday, 14 December 2009

There is a war going on for your mind.

Cover girl cut outs throw up pop up ads infecting victims with silicone shrapnel.

*There is a war going on for your mind* Flobots.

Sunday, 13 December 2009

To the stars and stripes.

Just a quick shout out.

Not to take away from any of the rest of you who visit my site, I do appreciate your support and the time you take out to read my rambles. But I just got my first substantial visitor from the other side of the Atlantic.
Well, hello visitor from Columbia, Missouri in the United States. You stayed on the site for 38 minutes! Why ever would you do that? What drove you to spend any more than the usual 0-30 seconds the others from the states spend. Thank you! Whoever you are! =D

If you come back, why don't you comment? You can spell words like "Mom" and we could spell it "Mum" (the right way =P ) and we could all just have one big Laugh!

Blonde hair & Blue eyes, Hitler was onto something...

... Mid way through the debate, two asian girls come along and alas, there isn't enough space for them to sit NEXT to each other. And how unfortunate would that be? So the absolutely stunning girl who was a seat away from me, scooches up next to me...

Stay cool man, stay cool.

I stay far from cool. I go into some weird sort of meltdown where I'm practically evaporating. Let me emphasise the fact that this was in fact a stunner of a girl. A wowzer to the effect that you'd bring her home, show her to the parents and be greeted at the front door with the words:

"You did good son, you did good."

So yeah, *GULP* and I carry on listening to what the guys are saying, my attention quickly fading away from the boring guy talking about how the English Defence League is all about something or another. It was too late! I was already more interested in her. Peering over at what she was writing in her notes. Oh her handwriting. It was the stuff dreams are made of. And her iPhone, oh her poor iPhone, with the crack on the screen and the protective case she must have bought as a result of the damage inflicted on the phone! Oh LAMENT! That I was still working at o2 and could offer her a way to fix it! How she rested that iPhone on the pad that she was writing on.

It got to a point where people would clap for the speakers. Or make a point NOT to clap. And I didn't know whether or not to clap! Is she pro BNP? Because if so, then they don't really seem all that bad do they? All they want is for our skin to be nice and clean and white, right?! And Anglican! It sounds so close to angelic! Much like... The girl sitting next to me!

Fortunately it was quite apparent that she wasn't an advocate for the sleazy, heinous ways of the BNP. She didn't clap. And laughed whenever the guy cocked up.

As did I, hastily after seeing that she was...

But to let a little truth shine through in this post, there were parts when I was overly enthralled by what the speakers were saying and I'd applaud a little over zealously at times and think- oh NO! I must look like a nutter to her!

She did this thing where her arms would be crossed and she wouldn't want to clap too much for a person so she'd clap her arm. Which was cool. I tried it with my leg but felt like a jazz musician. Not cool.

And then came the intermission. Where we spoke.

And oh God, did we speak. But about the whole event. Not about what her favourite TV shows were, not about what hobbies she had. No. We spoke about:

The Islamification of Britain.


And to make it worse, I had very little to say! I was frustrated by the people who were knocking Islam, and said that, but about the Islamification of Britain?! I didn't even know it was an issue until two days earlier when I got invited to the event!

So we're talking and she's writing an essay on this for her Uni assignment.

"So do you all go to SOAS as well?" She asks me and my friend and her group of mates next to her.

"They all do, I don't, I'm not studying..."

If ever there WAS a nail in the figurative coffin of my notion of a relationship with this girl, that was it. BANG. In so deep that you wouldn't even be able to pry it out with the back end of a hammer. No, it's one of those annoying nails which doesn't even have a head.

BUT, she seems un-phased by this and I attempt a save by saying,

"Yeah this debate just seemed really interesting to me so I thought I'd drop by."

But, I'm in this weird sort of "Explain yourself" mindset so I can't STOP.

"Because, obviously, I'm a Muslim and the topic is regarding my faith so that's why. I mean I'm not really into the whole political scene but yeah..."

Never end a sentence with "But yeah"

Because in NO WAY do those two words ACTUALLY make ANY sense. Or lead to anything. Least of all a mobile phone number.

I guess it's good in a way then that my friend and all her SOAS buddies needed the loo which left me and the girl alone. Now when I crash and burnt to a cinder, they wouldn't be there to watch and recognize the flaming remains.

"So, you said as well, does that mean you're at SOAS too?" I asked her.
"Oh no, I'm at UCL!"
"Oh cool! Just down the road. What are you studying?"
"Anthropology" she replied.

I'm not sure if you're getting a weird vibe here, there wasn't. It was a nice conversation. We carried on talking about the debate. And she'd look at me and make EYE contact. Which was hard because I couldn't. Not in those beautiful, deep blue eyes. No, I had to dart my eyes around the room as though I was surveying it for some sort of terrorist attack. Although given my 4 day old stubble and shifty eyes, she'd probably think I was drunk. Or something.

And the TOPIC of conversation! I realised, some way through, that I actually didn't have anything of relevance to say. I mean I had opinions about the BNP and all the defence leagues and Islam but... this topic in particular...

And SHE could talk about it for ages and seemed REALLY passionate about it..! What was I to do!?

And then I remembered. The guys outside who tried recruiting me to protest against the whole thing had spewed a whole load of anti BNP tosh in my ears and it seemed to make sense...

So I regurgitated what they said to me...

"Well... you know, I think giving the BNP this platform to sit beside a multicultural committee and discuss things like this, it just paints them in a good light, and there really is no such thing as bad publicity."

She disagreed with me, in much the same way I disagreed with the people outside.

Oh NO! If only I was myself! :O :O

I argued their corner though and we both switched ideas with each other.

And we were hushed by the speaker on the stand as the debate got under way again.
An hour in and the BNP guy hadn't had to say a single word. And she whispered to me:

"You know, he hasn't said a word, he's just sitting there having an easy ride. I think you were right about the whole BNP thing..."


Thank you. Whoever you are, whatever you represent and whatever you wish to go on to do in your life, may you be successful, you anti BNP guy, you.

And at the end of the talk, she slowly packed her stuff and it SEEMED as though she waited for me to finish with my stuff and for the people in front to stop talking to me.
The guy in front said to her,
"So yeah, you wanted a video of this thing, I'll send it to you, no problem."

And I thought, oh you bugger, you ABsoLUte Bugger, diving in for MY prey. Hell no.

And just in earshot I heard her say to him,

"Actually, I didn't ask you for a video. But if you can get one, that would be cool, thanks!"

His face dropped a little. Wonderful.

And she turned to me and said, it was really nice to meet you.
And I replied, graciously. And there was this awkward moment. *Ask for her number* *Ask for her number* *Bloody HELL! At least get her NAME!!*

Ah but with a flash of a smile, she turned and left.

And the WORST thing. She went the same way as me and my mate, only she was like, thirty steps in front of us! So I watched her walking towards Holborn station just out of reach! ARGH!

That night I beat myself up over how I handled things.
Hang on. Hang on. HANG on... Let's look for her on Facebook.

Oh wait, that's right. You don't even have her name.
UCL? Yeah, go through every one of the UCL students.
UCL Anthropology?!
Hang on, you may have a point there sonny boy!

So I typed it in to Facebook and what do you know, they have a facebook group!
So now I'm a member of the UCL anthropology department...

Saturday, 12 December 2009

British Nationalist Party?! More like Britain Needs Priorities!

OKAY, so... Here's a funny turn of events that happened recently.

A few days ago I went to a talk held by the MDI (Muslim debate initiative{?}), titled:

Islamification of Britain, Myth or Reality?

Instantly, the buzz words made me think, what will passers by think if they walk passed a headline like that? In particular the kind of passers by who would opt to read a newspaper like the Mirror. So no the brightest sheep in the shed...

But chances are, they, with their diminutive intellect and subsequent incapacity of reading between the lines would walk away from that thinking "Ugh, they took our jobs!"
What with their inability to interpret a headline.

Anyway, a debate sounds interesting so what they hey, I decide to pop in. And upon getting there, I am promptly stopped by some activists. The main guy approaches me and says:
"I don't suppose I could convince you to not go in, could I?"

Good, don't suppose that! Bloody hell, I just got here from the other side of London and you're telling me not to go in. That said, they did offer to strap me up with a sign post to advertise for them but there was a dispute on pay and I was feeling some sort of sexual tension arising from a dude nearby.

Not an atmosphere that is conducive to productivity in the workplace...

So in I go, meet my mate and sit down, a seat away from who may be the most STUNNING girl.


Well, I'm a little self concious to begin with but she's a fair distance from me and you know what? I'm looking quite HOT myself. So there.

Anyway the debate begins. And by random order, we begin with the BNP dude. I did a whole lot of reading on the BNP website before I went to the debate, should they have a questions segment in the debate. Which they did.

Just a few things I read while I was on the BNP website:

“For this is what mass immigration is,” Mr Kemp continued. “It is the ethnic dispossession of a people of their native lands through mass colonisation.”

Which it isn't. Seriously. Do a Google search for the definition of colonisation, it's got nothing to do with mass immigration. Go on, do a search, I'll wait for you...

You know what, I'll do the search for you...

"exploitation by a stronger country of weaker one; the use of the weaker country's resources to strengthen and enrich the stronger country"


"Colonialism is the building and maintaining of colonies in one territory by people from another territory."

Much like, oh I don't know... Britain did to... The world at large.

But that happened a long time ago and as the BNP so aptly said:

It was unfortunate then, but the people in such places must deal with the reality of the modern world.

But what really made me stop and think, wha...? was the line that came immediately after the BNP tried to describe colonisation as mass immigration.

“People ask what is the difference between immigration and colonisation? The difference is this: immigration is when you have a China Town in London and colonisation is when London becomes China Town.”

Ok, firstly let's gawk at the blatant racism there. Yepp. But let's not forget, one line EARLIER... They DESCRIBED colonisation AS immigration. Now they're differentiating it?

That contradiction good sir, is quite detrimental to the validity of the previous statement.

It makes you look a fool.

You fool.

And so it begins! Or should I say it had begun, and the BNP dude starts talking. Now the reason I don't like the way things went down was because the BNP got on a platform to discuss with a multi faith, multicultural platform and were in a position to look as though they are a forward thinking, open minded political party that believed in equality. So snapshots of this talk along with a headline along the lines of:

BNP in multi-race Debate!!

(obviously, I won't make it as a headline... maker...) But it COULD, when read by one of the aforementioned moronic mirror subscribers, put the BNP in a good light.

And with a subheading of:
Debating over the Islamification of Britain

There, my best attempt at a subheading!

But notice the focus of this debate goes on to MUSLIMS and how we're ISLAMIFYING (which isn't a real word, nor is Islamification) the UK with our cultural differences and our thick headed inability to adopt a different culture.

This isn't the case, I assure you. We are a loving people and enjoy X Factor just as much as you...

Ah Blighty..

Anyway, the BNP guy goes on to say Muzzzlims don't intergrate into society and we wear veils on our faces and we build minarets and loads of other stuff that's just not cool. But you won't have remembered most of the stuff he said because he was conveniently placed as the First speaker. So after all the speakers had had a go, then had a group discussion with one another and then had a short break, which totals to about TWO hours... Then do we, the audience have the opportunity to question this dude. And at THIS point, we're all at a loss as to what he said in the first place!

But really, he was as inept as he was ignorant. And he looked like an evil Nazi scientist you'd find in an old Indiana Jones movie. Which was confounded by the fact that he wore a white blazer not too dissimilar from a lab coat.

And then there were a whole bunch of people until we got the Christian liberal guy.
Oh this guy REALLY pushed my buttons. He made SO many snide comments and in written form they won't carry the tones that his words did. The way he'd say them. The small chuckle he'd add to the end of his descriptions of ethnic people who he just "LOVED to live around" that you'd ALMOST completely overlook if it didn't irk you just a little bit too much.
Or the fact that after saying he loves Islam, defending it in some ways, promoting it in others, he misguides you into thinking that he feels it's A OK! But then goes on to say something as outlandish as "Islam is a profoundly sexist religion". And you're lulled into a sense of security and trust with what this guy's been saying in defence of this religion that you find yourself nodding when he bad mouths it!

I'll give you some examples.

I live next to this couple, Muslim couple, our kids play together out front and we are as amicable as we can be to one another, we wave, they don't speak a word of English, you see...

And the neighbours on my other side, also Muslim, Afghanistani and we are friendly to one another too, again of course, they don't speak any English.

I can accept any part of Islam, I think it's a great faith, only I will not compromise on two things. You see, Islam is a profoundly sexist religion.

I disagree to the wearing of the Niqab by women, I can agree to all the other dress but I think that people need to show their faces, it's how you see their personalities. How you can build a relationship with a person.

And what was the other thing he disliked about Islam? Umm, it was... Ah, I forget to be perfectly honest with you but it was another ridiculous thing, I'll post it when I remember.

Anyway, the evening wasn't what I'd call a success. At one point, after the intermission, a dude came in from the English Defence League and said:

Peopow faut we was hool-ii-guns ryt, but like, were recrootin peepow from aw ova da place see? We've got blacks an braans and sum moozlims and seeks innit? So like, yeah, for you's lot who fawt you were safe, weeh stiw ere innit.

Something like that. It was all sounds to me. But his overall demeanour was very intimidating to the colourful aspects of my identity.

Anyway, there was this one guy who was a blatant BNP supporter who went up to ask a question with such vigour and poise that his face changed to this amazing shade of red, it was fantastic. It was SO vivid, I kinda had the urge to stand up and ask the BNP representative if people with that shade of skin colour would be accepted under the banner of the BNP.

But I didn't.
The rules of engagement prohibited it.

But yeah, the whole thing was kinda disastrous. The whole debate left an air of distastefulness and I got the feeling that though Islamaphobia wasn't really an issue to anyone bar the most bigoted people on this island, this debate had given it just a little bit more of a standing.

Friday, 11 December 2009


You can email me on that. Yes, I have Google Wave.


This one will be short.
Went to a Debate.
Was rubbish.
Have so much to say about it.
But am overwhelmed with the sheer volume of what I want to say.
Thus I won't say anything.
It's too long to type.
Met someone who Vlogs.
An old friend.
Should I Vlog?
Would it be stealing from her niche?
Should I just ask her?
Vlogging would save they typing.
And you get to see my pretty mug.
We'll see.
It's quite fun.
To talk like this.
Or type.
Should I be presumptuous and call this a poem?
It are.

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Upon scouring the internet for porn I came across the BNP website.

One may wonder then, just what kind of porn gets me off... That Nick Griffin's party should bear a resemblance to it...


(Oh baseless banter, please don't be lost on my audience...)

But that's right, Nick Griffin looks like a pig. And I don't know about you, but I always picture him as a pig, it's him with an apple in his mouth hanging over a spit roast.

Not just a pig, the image itself may seem derogatory enough- NO! He's hanging over a camp fire attached to two parallel wooden beams wheezing at the flames beneath him with a golden delicious wedged in his garbling mouth.

Over-active imagination? ME?!

Never. Anyway, I did this google search for nick griffin

Monday, 7 December 2009

At which point did this conversation hit the presipice of it's decline?

Tajmin, a mate of mine had a status on Facebook. I'd appreciate if you read the comments and tell me where things started to go wrong. Also, this could fit into the Blacktionary...

Tajmin Lulu Choudhury yay...or nay....

Usman Mirza
Yesterday at 23:25 · Delete

Tajmin Lulu Choudhury
Yesterday at 23:27

Usman Mirza
Yesterday at 23:30 · Delete

Tajmin Lulu Choudhury
Yesterday at 23:32

Usman Mirza
Yesterday at 23:34 · Delete

Tajmin Lulu Choudhury
Yesterday at 23:37

Shapla Begum Kamali
snap crackle n POPP
Yesterday at 23:43

Farah Noreen Hussain
dis is ova da TOP!
about an hour ago

Usman Mirza
Please make the emails STOP!
about an hour ago · Delete

Farah Noreen Hussain
mke me u big bad COP!
about an hour ago

Usman Mirza
that one was a FLOP!
about an hour ago · Delete

Farah Noreen Hussain
loooolzzzz i no cudnt fink of any other bastard word! mr.mirza! u jus spoilt it4 me i was havin fun
about an hour ago

Shapla Begum Kamali
i can
about an hour ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

ur heads like a mop?
about an hour ago

Usman Mirza
ah, never mind... While you're online and no longer filling my inbox with someone commented on someone's status emails, why don't you go to and check out the funnest site in the world??
about an hour ago · Delete

Usman Mirza
not really, my hairs begun to DROP. =(
about an hour ago · Delete

Farah Noreen Hussain
y dnt u go 2 : ? n navigate urself away 4m dis page
about an hour ago

Shapla Begum Kamali
hmmmm wats in it for u but while urback here reading this.. y dnt u take the time out 2 vist
about an hour ago

Usman Mirza
OI! You lame girls, just cause you can't rhyme like me. And it's a GOOD site. Lesbos.
59 minutes ago · Delete

Farah Noreen Hussain
wer nt all gay in dis world usman unlyk sum....
58 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali
rhyme like you?/ yh genius mate..would u like a medal.
58 minutes ago

Usman Mirza
You mean... You mean some unlucky guy is... with you... Oh no! =O
57 minutes ago · Delete

Farah Noreen Hussain
just becoz no guy is attracted 2 u dnt hate on us :)
56 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali
dnt worry the unlucky guy.. still hasnt met u!!
56 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain
n wen he does im sure he wnt stick around4 long
54 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali
yh not with that amateur level of rhyming
53 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali
by the way wat do u reckon ehymes with : "ur so gona get picked on now because im bloody frustrated with this bastard essay"
52 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain
or dat receding hair
52 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali
ooo wats the matter mr mir-za cat caught ur tounge eh? and we were getting soo used 2 ur rhyming talents
50 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain
yeh i was actually starting2 find d "jokes" kwite funny.......
49 minutes ago

Usman Mirza

Good he hasn't met me! If I met a guy unlucky enough to be with you I'd put him out of his misery!

Yes Shapla, I want a medal, no a trophy thats shaped like you. Underneath it can it have the words: "Look on the bright side" With an arrow pointing up at you?

ur gonna get picked on because I'm frustrated with this bastard essay rhymes with...... See More

Your head used to get kicked on because people hated that your hair was so messy?

But you'd have to say Messy kinda like a chav... Should be no problem for you right? :P

49 minutes ago · Delete

Shapla Begum Kamali

nahh i wudnt go that farr.. his a clown : but the sort u dont laugh with
48 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain
how long did it take 2 fink of such an intelligent comeback mirzaaaaa??
47 minutes ago

Usman Mirza
I do hate it when ppl don't get my jokes. So read them over a few times, work out what they mean... then you know... read them again, ask someone to tell you what they ACTUALLY mean. Then try insulting me?
47 minutes ago · Delete

Shapla Begum Kamali

my hair was messy like a chav. some1 sure noticed it right.. how about the trophy says ..i was the lsc ouchhh
46 minutes ago

Usman Mirza
I was watching cartoons on the internet. Sorry I can't devote all my time to you =(
46 minutes ago · Delete

Farah Noreen Hussain

n y wud i go fru all dat hassle 4 u ur nt dat speshal luv
45 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

we are not insulting u mr mirza.. ur jokes are bizzare but not impossible!
44 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain

ur jokes r koooooooooool mirzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
44 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

yh in the middle of watchin ur cartoons u had time 2 write that piece of waffle.. i wud ask u 2 do my essay if u wern't.. well if u wernt u!!
43 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain
or i wud use u as a participant for my report. its based on individuals wiv mental disability
42 minutes ago

Usman Mirza
My jokes are KOOOL! aww and I get it spelt with a K.
You know you mixed two separate sentences there? At no point did I say your hair was like a Chav's...

Sorry this message isn't being delivered to you instantly, I'm deciding which of your one liners to make fun of first.

Let's begin with Shapla. Ew. Let's not.
Let's begin with Farah.


okay, I'm not gonna regard you as women because in general I find the word woman to be synonymous with sexually attractive. Or appealing to at least look at. I will regard you both as...


Furry and serves some sort of function in the world.

Which is one up from what I used to regard you as before. Just white noise. But you managed to weasel your way into my email inbox...

Now really, get back to your degrees so that you become marriage material.
34 minutes ago · Delete

Shapla Begum Kamali

ooooooooohhhhh lool i like it. its getting better now
32 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain

LOOOOOLZ mirza u really r a sadcase. ders no wonder ur alone in dis big bad worlldddd eh! nice2 know we mean so much2 u dat u actually had2 type an essay :) awww thanks!
31 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

woman is synonymous with sexual attrractiveness ..its a pity ur never gona feel that then!! u know what as livestock id say wer pretty damn important .. u clearly took time out of cartoon viewing period to entertain us with ur rubbish insults..its great that u make me laugh cos if u didnt.. i would actually want 2 get back 2 my essay..
27 minutes ago

Usman Mirza

What makes you think I'm alone? Are you deflecting your own predicament onto me?
And I'm glad I made you feel special. Writing a few short lines is no big deal for me, I can imagine how forming a sentence might cause you to break into a sweat, you do after all, spell cool with a k and end lol with a z.

Shapla, laughter is the best healer and I mean, nothing else has fixed that face so far... So.. I thought I'd just offer my assistance. Are you feeling better looking yet?
25 minutes ago · Delete

Farah Noreen Hussain

well wiv a face lyk urs its a surprise u have "frends". but mind u retards do gain alot of sympathy votes. n as 4 my spelling - its KOOOLLL DONT YA THINK LOOLLLZZZZZ
20 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

when a guy has 2 comment on a womas looks.. a guy that finds the very word "woman" to be synonymous with sexual attraction.. u kind of realise HOW SADD HE REALLY IS. darling its ok.. keep ur knickers on .. y do u have 2 cross that line ..its only a bit of useless banter. but then again u must be very very insecure And for ur information yh. i did... See More not spell coook with a "k" and even if i did what why dont u go around telling 99 % of facebook users how 2 spell it. since ur better then all of us y dnt u get lost in ur own world. i've met many smart ppl dnt think ur brains are 2 good for the likes of us.
19 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

farah i was amused by him at first but now im thinking.. this guys a bitch ? lol he really is!! i mean the guy that had 2 come 2 LSC 2 find friends and a social life.. is sniggering at our intelligence? who does he think he is.. spelling "cool" with a "k" in no way indicates that we are stupid .. so if u think ur going 2 tell us otherwise y dnt... See More u take loser REJECT arse and try n find some reall hobbies.. clearly we are investing way too much time on u here.. but hey im procrastinating.. its allowed
14 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain

wel wot can i say shapla. i hav met intelligent ppl in my lyf n i'd lyk2 say usman u deffinetly do not fit in2 dat category. ur jokes, or woteva it is der supposed2 b, r empty. dey hav no real meaning behind dem. n o 1 mre fing: intelligent ppl actually know how2 socialise - u im afraid need a gud few lessons. so b4 u try 2 suggest dat my facebook ... See Morespelling is incorrect how bout u start by looking at ur egocentric self and figure out dsa mistakes of ur lyf becoz 1 word of advice: if u carry on lyk dis u sure are not going2 suceed in lyf. u loser get back2 ur cartoons n wilst ur doing dat fink bwt geting a lyf
11 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain

n ooh trus me ders a whole lot of fings i can start on u about but if i do da whole of facebook will know wat a real loser u really are n we dnt want dat happening do we??? n u neva replied bak2 me about taking part in my report? i desperately need a volunteer
9 minutes ago

Usman Mirza

Shapla, I was just giving as good as I got (perhaps a little better, i admit), it was you who took things off by calling me the lsc reject? and the spelling with a k was addressed to farah. Yes, I'm sad. hmmmm... And sorry, you can comment on my looks and I can't comment on yours? Seriously, your having a laugh!
I don't think I'm too clever for you but the 99% of facebook users statistic was a little off since 99% of facebook doesn't necessarily you know.. speak ENGLISH! And the statistic was kinda clutching at straws...

But err, your last few comments, they've um, really put things into perspective for me. I often find menstruating wome-livestock to be the epitome of good judgement and social well-being. I'll go look in the mirror and realise what gems of livestock I've just upset and go about fixing my ways...

If this got a little out of hand for you, firstly, I'll apologise. Sorry. Secondly, perhaps you would like to visit where you can find soothing colours and other stuff that might help you?

I'm just gonna allow you to make 4 more comments so that Facebook stops emailing me with your witty .. things. And then you two can cuddle each other to sleep feeling happy in the knowledge that you got to say the last thing on this comments section...
7 minutes ago · Delete

Shapla Begum Kamali

farah people like him Will not takje part in ur study.
A) because mentally retarted patients generallly do not realise they have a problem
B) because apparently his soo smart that he has never used substitute letters in an informal casual fb converstation format
C) Because taking part in ur study would require social interaction..which im afraid is impossible for this sociopath.. u got to remeber he is very vulnerable i mena he gets his kicks out of criticising th way women look.. as if HEEE out of all people KNOWS WHAT GOOOD LOOKING IS lol!! now that is funny
4 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain

u reaaaaaaallllllyyyyyyy reaaalllly n i mean REAAAALLLY need a lyf. i knew u wer sad in LSC but wow dese ridiculous comments have certainly proved it. shapla if u find tyme reply back2 him becoz afta dis i realised i'd rather get back2 my essay- dat was mre amusing! nyt nyt mirzaaaaa n dnt over work dat brain 222 much - wiv all dat useless information in der it myt just explode

Usman Mirza

Ah you throw me away and then ya just REEL me back in. Someone just suggested to me that I post this up on my website. Like this whole conversation. I've recently taken to analysing idiots on Facebook, so would you mind if I put this up on:

It won't have started with you, you can visit the site and see that I take the piss out of a lot of people like you. Honest.

Ah what the hell, I'll take it all anyway.
25 minutes ago · Delete

Shapla Begum Kamali

thats actually VERY sexist.. when a woman contests ur edioticness.. BLAME IT ON THE POSSBILITY THAT SHES MENSTRUATING. u are really are pathetic and u know what i would NEVERR comment on ur looks if u Hadnt taken it there.. im not that shallow mate. no matter how stupid u think i am .. and also .. a tip is that u stay away from women.. ur way of speakin 2 women is disgraceful ur better off with bimbos
25 minutes ago

Usman Mirza

Bimbos are women too, they're just better at giving head than talking...

Your SO sexist....

The word is idiocy not idioticness... I'm sorry, there's ONE thing, abbreviating words or talking slang, then there's making words up.... See More
22 minutes ago · Delete

Shapla Begum Kamali

u take ur UNinteresting, pointlesss life 2 looserblog.. i havnt heard of it! theres a reson.. people like u get kicks out of making vile comments about looks/intelligence etc.. GET OVER URSELF.. and go 2 ur shitty website there must be a whole community of REJECTS N OUTCASTS.. while ur there learn how socialise with people
21 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain

deres a reason y sum1 lyk u wud know about da existence of dat websyt. n ooh bak 2 my previosu comment about being a low lyf 4m LSC u actually wernt 4m LSC wer u???? u just happened2 get a kick out of being in a college EVERYDAY dat u actually did not belong2. wow now DATS sad
19 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain

n as 4 talking slang - its wat ppl do wen dey SOCIALISE on facebook. but i guess dat concept is just too alienated 4 u
18 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

all this because i called u an LSC reject.. i dntthink u'll ever get over that will u????? must have really hit a nerve. BUTTT IM HAPPY BECOS TAJMIN WILL READ THIS N LAUGH.. the jokes on u mate IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN.. u just never knew it because u were too busy analysing peoples spelling n grammer.. that sthe problem with being "too smart" eventually ..ur just a freak.
18 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain
n feel free2 paste dese comments onto ur hideous websyt. da only person ppl will make fun of is u - ur da reject. shapla we can have a ryt laff at his rejection - u no wot im talking about ;)
15 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

HEY do u still go 2 LSC? u know .. not cos u ACTUALLY STUDY there or anything .BUT COS ur soooo smart n entertaing.. and u seeem 2 know what type of girls give head.. as if u'd ever in ur life come even close 2 experiencing that lol!! jus go and comment on ambreens status now.. im sure shes put something new.. u like status jumping dont u.. keeps ur self busy
15 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali
farah im out i think mirza has migrated 2 his website .. he'l probably feel very low in confidence after this but someone asks for it... i dnt give a shit...his ego is soo big he doesnt know the truth behind what people think of him.. he needs 2 be told a few home truths. anyways im out farah . goodnight i'll catch up with you 2moro
12 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain
even a bimbo wud not degrade herself any lower by giving u head. get a grip n stop dreaming u excited freak.
11 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

lol. and HE was commenting on the way we look.. livestock wouldnt touch u with a bargepole.
10 minutes ago

Usman Mirza

YOU morons! It's MY website, I simply asked if you wanted to see it! You took a simple, polite invitation to see my website and turned it into this whole bitch argument!

Ahhh! You girls, if you're not leaking blood clots at this time of month, its fucking snake venom!

Yes, I hung out at LSC where all my friends were at the time, I went college two days a week which was 3 roads away. And if you want to comment on my social life and my academic background do so to your hearts content, but really, it means nothing to me. Ultimately, I'm happier than the two of you and I'd bet a fair amount of money I'm a little bit smarter.

And the reason I'm not backing down on this is because you think I've crossed a line in insulting your looks where as you feel justified in making the same insults at me and feel you can get away with it based on... What? That you are girls? If that's not the case then why would you say "Ahhh he;s so sad for cussing a GIRLS looks"

Regardless of if you're a girl or a boy, any HUMAN with a misshapen FACE like that should probably jump under a train! Honestly, I'm NOT kidding you. We might bump into each other and pretend this was a joke, but HAND on HEART I think you look like someone mistook you for an ingredient in a smoothie, put you in a blender and poured you out into a shalwaar kameez suit or something. Honestly!

And I might not be increadibly good looking. And I might not be very successful but I'm content with what I am and I don't need to have your acceptance for shit all.
When you say I have no friends, it makes me laugh at the fact that I meet my friends regularly. When you pretend I can't get girls, I look back on my last bit of sex that I did. When I say you're ugly.... Well then...

So when you insult me. It's like a mosquito trying to suck blood out of my iPod. You mean less to me than... Panasonic.

I seriously hope you girls like... stop for the sake of not being saddened any more. And do your essays, be good, stay in education, learn from my mistakes and all that.
9 minutes ago · Delete

Farah Noreen Hussain
n i no mirza will hav sumfing "intellectual" (as he put it) 2 say after our comments but seriously usman u cease2 amaze me- can any1 actually eva b dat sad?? wow. n yes shapla i agree sum ppl need2 b dropped down2 da ground again n realise wot people actually fink of dem n nt have der head so high in da sky. nyt shapla x

Shapla Begum Kamali

dnt have time 2 read all that.. but the lenghth of it suggests to me.. BUT BECAUSE U THINK UR SOO must be right? gd luck.. i thought u were meant to go but u like staying here dnt u.. no matter how hard u try convincing us that u have a life ..the sheer length of ur comment just proves that ..welll u really need 2 get out night loser
6 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain

LOLZ cum again? u actually had girls? hw much did u pay dem 4 sleeping wiv u? u talk bowt our face being bad - u really need2 take a closer luk at urs and realise wat BAD really means. LOLZ n u no wot i find da most amusing??? da fact dat u are sooo wound up about all dis. we call u frendless - u wryt a whole essay bak. we say u cnt get girls - u ... See Morewryt yet another essay bak. we call u sad - u wryt yet another ESSAY. looolz u really r affected by all dis arent u? u no wot dey say - truth hurts. look bak at da comments n c hu actually started 2 get serious - it was u. ur lack of self confidence means u hav 2 bite lyk a bitch in order2 mke urself feel betta wen really every1 in this conversation knows who da shallow, narrow minded person is. awww its so sad2 know that someone lacks dat much self confidence. dnt wry keep trying u myt just b able2 feel gud about urself wivout putting others dwn
5 minutes ago

Tajmin Lulu Choudhury
Lets start agen...
3 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain

or u can just get sum psychopathological help. try googling sumfing - ur gud at browsing da net 4 sad sites
3 minutes ago
· · ·

Usman Mirza

Farah, if you say I have to pay girls to be with them, I swear that reflects badly on some of your friends...
2 seconds ago · Delete

Farah Noreen Hussain

ahem-ahem da girls dat u SUPPOSEDLY have slept with r nufing2 do wiv me. cumon any1 dat associates demselves wit U r deffiently nt involved wiv me. so feel 3 2 degrade hu u wnt becoz we all no da truth about ur "sex lyf"
16 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

Y? which 1 of our friends did u have.. they wudnt go NEARRR U! LOL DONT TRY THAT ONE MATE.. AND FARA HE DNT EXATCLY HAVE he aint great company..maybe some1 jus got bored?
16 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain

even boredom wud nt mke u shag DAT.
14 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

or non-existent sex life. i struggle to understand how some1 so repulsive.. and not 2 mention freaky ( talks about girls leaking bblood clots) GRAPHIC OR WHAT.. MUST HAVE SOME WIERD UNDERSTANDNING OF A WOMANS BODY...will have sexual relations with a frog 4get women
13 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

this guy is soo annoying i can imagine him getting beaten up all the time.. i mean u cant possible think ur that smart and sexually active? theres arrogant and theres damn right delusional!!
11 minutes ago

Tajmin Lulu Choudhury

cn u 3 shut ur faces now plz
10 minutes ago

Farah Noreen Hussain

after dat ridiculous creature hu goes by da name of usman mirza learns2 keep his "intellectual" jokes 2 himself becoz no1 is genuinely interested.
9 minutes ago

Shapla Begum Kamali

no! its thoroughly satisfying 2 put certsain people in their place. he is saying that reflects badly on farahs friends if she says he pays his women. he better explain himself cos as far as i know none of the fatys would be seen dead with him. he needs 2 be crastrated. PATHETIC ESCUSE OF A MALE
8 minutes ago

Usman Mirza

LOL! Shapla, your picture isn't even of YOU. That's how fugly you are.
Farah, your picture shows just how fugly you are. No weird camera angle is gonna work magic for your nose and using flash to make your skin look a nicer shade will simply throw a shadow on that ENORMOUS nose.

ENORMOUS! Like... PARROT! Your nose...

I haven't got enough words to properly describe the sheer SIZE of that thing. It's a wonder you neck hasn't snapped under the strain.

Shapla, I don't know which one you are, so I can't insult your looks. I'm sure you're not good looking though.

I fail to understand how you think you can insult me in any way. Your buddies have mucked about with me, it was all fun, I don't kiss and tell.

You haven't put me in my place, really, no.
And escuse?! Are you spelling like a retarded 4 year old on purpose?
I swear to god, I had this theory where Shit faced ugly people were compensated by god by having a modicum of intellect.

But it would seem God put you on earth so you could appear on a day time TV show as an inspiration to average people.

"Hey, at least you're not HER..."

It's long, I found it witty, and yeah... it's over now. =(

Was I out of hand, were they worse than me? I need an honest opinion. One that is unbiased. Hmm..