Thursday, 29 July 2010

Bye bye miss American pie.

Hey! This is awkward. Typing on my new iPhone 4. Way cool, very crisp- it seems easier to hit the buttons but maybe that's just a sort of placebo effect of eating how pretty and sharp the pixels are and how much better the touch screen is apparently. But whatever. It's still got bloody predictive text so every once in a while a word I write is mistaken for snout. Which is a little annoying. Anyway, I've recently been told- not asked- by many people I know to stop blogging and to go back to writing notes on my facebook page. Apparently they used to be better. I reckon they're just too lazy to type in looserballs in a search engine. Anyway, this is probably Bon voyage for the meantime while I consider going back to facebook. If I have the time I'll try and copy/paste stuff here.

On a side note, I wa on a rail replacement bus the other day and had an Indian dude say the next stop is north greenwhich. He pronounced it green witch. Sooooooo funny. Many people on the bus couldn't help but laugh. Awe poor small Indian man. :(

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

Late night peep show

This is gonna have to be a short one. Its already half twelve and i have work in the morning. It's been a while so i thought I'd make an effort. Whats new with you lot? I went football on yesterday- well, technically two days ago, and all was well, same old, same old, though the air con was off and we were playing indoors. On a hot day. Not cool. Oh and to top it off, i had a burly big man kick the football with all his strength towards me while I was in goal. Fortunately, my face got in the way...

It was so bad, the game stopped and even people on his team, not only him, came up to me to apologise. Man, it hurt. But nothing compared to how bad it hurt the following morning. I had to ibuprofen my ass up and take the day off work. My nose has swollen. MY nose. Yeah, and it was a big one to start with. Boy, it's so big I'm getting back ache...

On the plus side, I got out of goal...

Aside from insulting myself though, the main reason i decided to write today was to pose you all a question. I have a mate who's been insane about his ex for, what, a year now and has been pining over her madly. Insanely, the week he finally mans up and gets eyes for someone new, out of the BLUE she texts him and asks how he is. A few texts later and he's head over heels about her, almost completely discarding the new girl he fancied. She- the ex- broke up with him for another dude. As far as he was aware, she was still with him. Or possibly not. Who knows?

Which is why he should, in my opinion, ask her if she's with anyone. Given he has feelings for her.

Unfortunately, it turns out she's not with her ex anymore. This is unfortunate because now, there's no brick wall to stop him coveting her. If she was with someone, it would be unethical of him to be sneaking around behind some dudes back talking to his girlfriend. Especially since he's been burnt by her sneaking around behind his back, you'd think he'd appreciate how much that sucks. But Now he has a cart blanche to dream away his ikkle love dreams. Which sucks because, come on... Wheres the me time?

She only recently broke up with her last boy buddy so to me he seems to be the dependable rebound texting buddy who's either a form of gratification for her, or just a temporary replacement for the conversations she's accustomed to having with her ex but he's simply getting his hopes up for nothing. And when it all come a crashin down- when she finds her feet with her next man, the consistency of her texts to him will reduce and then I'll be having to hear his bewildered moaning incessantly.

Am i wrong? Is it alright for him to get so excited? Should i just help the dude out whatever he decides?

Ahhhhh, what do you peeps know? You're on a bloody blog called looserballs for flips sake.

And now, as it turns to one, i should call it a night.

Saturday, 10 July 2010


Previously, i said one of my posts was the most well travelled of the lot. Well, this one could well give it a run for it's money. There's even a bit of time skipping where we'll be going from the present to bits i wrote earlier to... Well, more of the present. Only, more recent than the older bits of the present. This has also been the most time consuming post I've written. I've contemplated writing, written, re written deleted and then done the whole process again, many times. Why, just now, I've had to re-write this whole paragraph be use my application on my iPad crashed. Wondeful.

Let's begin:

I've just come out of the bathroom, my lunch at kebabish- NEVER go to kebabish in manor park (actually, NEVER go to manor park)- has ensured me and my bathroom get close together at least twice an hour... WShing my hands, i came too close to the faucet and caused the water to splash all over the place, especially my jeans. Meaning now, having entered the living room, I'm being offered my niece's nappies. Apparantly in China, adult sized nappies are being sold for workers who live in distant, more rural parts and have to commute for hours on end to get to work in the city. I wouldn't really have put much credibility to this, had i not seen a few YouTube clips of commuters being crammed into trains at stations.

And you thought the central line was bad?

Word of warning, Ive noticed my ipads space key is being lame. De-jumble words as necessary...

But imagine that? The thought of pooing while you're sat next to someone on a train. Into a diaper. But the concept is, those trains are sooooooo packed, the people are practicallu stacked onto one another. You'd actually feel the... Bowel movements.

Classic thoughts by yours truly.

Let's go a few hours back on my short train trip home:
Im sat reclined slightly on a train home from manor park. Im using the overground for a change. It's spacious. And comfortable. Oddly. The last time i used one of these trains was on a trip to south end. Which I hope to be visiting tomorrow, as it happens. It's not often we get a heatwave in Britain. And on a weekend im not working on to boot. So hurray for the beach! Listening to "accidentally in love" from the soundtrack of shrek. Shrek 1. Im still dubious about shrek 4. One and two were fantastic, but three and that short Christmas film they did were horrid. Let's hope they go more towards matrix mocking and prince Charles slamming than they do squeezing every last dollar out of a movie franchise.

I actually got a ticket for the train today. It's a journey that begins and ends at stations where there are no barriers. So i could have jumped off scotch free... And was tempted to..........

But thats stealing. And we're trying to rebuild this economy people...

A paper ticket that was so redundant that i didn't even put it through a single barrier. There was nothing for me to actually make use of that ticket with.

Let's come back to the present:

That trip to the beach has been cancelled now. Damn having to please so many people. I know it's not the MOST appropriate use of the phrase, but bend your minds to make it work: a camel really is a horse by committee.

This app for typing on my ipad is actually kinda buggy. They need to release an update.

As much as i like work, there's a limit to how long i plan to be working in local government. I mean. It's nice and it could be seen by some as a career, but i don't see myself as a lifer... Not since they're introducing a bloody ugly uniform. UNIFORM! Im suddenly back at bloody o2.... Speaking of which im counting down the darn minutes till the white iPhone 4 comes out!!! Hopefully shipped without a signal glitch in the bottom left hand corner of the phone...

The iPhone4-
it video calls!
It records HD video!
It has a flash for the camera!
It multi tasks!
It groups your apps!
It's smexy looking!

It's just... SOMETIMES, it wont make phone calls.

More often than not if you're left handed...

But brand loyalty and that, it'll take a much bigger cock up than a phone that doesn't make phone calls to keep the hordes away from buying needlessly and heedlessly.

I want one.

My point stands though. My local(and by that i mean sheesha joint, not pub- come on, I'm Asian) is fantastic. I go to it regularly and they treat me well. I am without a shadow of a doubt, a very loyal customer. Coffee inn, seriously, check it out. And it's because when they're at their peak, they smash it. The sheesha rocks, the T bone steak is tender, oozing with gravey, the home made chips are soft, fluffy, the cakes, they even do 'dud pattee' an asian tea with loads of milk and a tea bag. No watery crap. Good stuff. And even when the sheesha is rough and tastes like coal, even when the t bone is well done rather than rare, when the portions of chops are meagre and the dud pattee is more... Pg tips... I like it better than any other place.

I was at the local today actually, and had a great experience. I've been listening to music really loudly on my bose (tm) (boo yah!) headphones and yeah, its cool. But im deaf. Almost. And I've sort of devised this way of mixing up lip reading and listening carefully. Being deaf doesn't really help when your talking to customers and trying to listen to their problems about abuse at home and needs for council tax.

"WHAT?! Your husband hit you with a WHAT?! A gardening fork? WHAT??"

no no no no no. Not acceptable.

Worse though, (and it IS worse than embarrassing a customer when you jeopardise your sheesha) was today at coffee inn. The dude made us what was possibly the best sheesha ever. Nuances is the word i would use to describe how the three different flavours were enveloped about one another. Fantastic. Though inevitably as the coal sits on top for any period of time, the flavour becomes harsher. The guy who was with us told us that blowing in, rather than sucking would remedy that. So i did. When he said don't blow harder, i only just heard- but didn't make out the "don't", looked up to do my combo of lip reading and listening to make out the "blow harder".

And so i did. I huffed and i puffed with ALL my might...! And kinda broke the sheesha. Liquid oozed out from the top, the coal on top kinda bounced and fell off the tray and every one else in the room looked up in silence...

Oh crap....

The guy, obviously quite taken aback by my.... I'll admit it, retardedness, shook his head and fixed me up another one.

So, so nice.

I also have this really weird habit of trying to sop from local shops as much as I can instead of going to bigger businesses. Keep the big man at bay and help out the little guy. And that's why i try to go to these Easter European/ algerian coffee shops that have sprouted along the high street instead of starbucks evilness. I used the same altruistic (yes, altrustic- i could save a bucket load going to bigger supermarkets!) approach when i walked past this kinda run down dime-store barber that's near my house. Ok admittedly, I'd pay MORE for a Toni and guy haircut, but that's by the by. The last time i went to a salon they gave me a fringe. Or at least tried to. For flips sake, im BALDING! The place i DONT have hair is in the bloody fringe region!

So i didn't risk him giving me an "awesome" hair style; "blade one on the side and two on top, blend it if you feel up to the task with a 1.5 in the middle, no biggie if you can't"..

Or so i told him. The dude smashed it up. Bladed all over the sides, line in my hair, all the bells and whistles. I was so proud of his work, i let him shave me. And that too, with expert precision, towards the end he was intricately chissling off individual hair around my line. I couldn't help but smle with the expertise he showed. But he told me not to. It was messing up his shave...

I go to him so often that i think im actually the person who's keeping his business afloat...

So good customer service is a must in the business world.

So there you have it, my note that breaks my silence. Hope you all enjoyed it/ used it as an excuse to distract yourselves from work.. It bloody took up all my evening/ my journey home on the train...

Wednesday, 23 June 2010


I've been mucking about again on this 3d modelling program. I should upload the 3d model sometime soon actually, but as it stands, here's a (2 dimensional) snapshot of... my desk, my computer, my bed (with half it's legs chopped off for now- it's not really that short) my window frame and some of the bricks outside.

(Click it to see it larger)
I'm hoping to have the whole house done, maybe then I'll pop it up in 3d and post it up for the world to see. Sort of like a high tech, low budget cribs.

Thanks for your comment Babor, means a lot.

Monday, 21 June 2010


This is probably my most well travelled blog post. I started writing it at work, then on the a13 and now in the hospital.

No, I'm not in the hospital because i was blogging while on the a 13, i was in a cab back then. At work, there's a catch 22. A horrible clash of performance and funding. We need to be well staffed to perform well, though the better we perform, the less the higher ups want to give us more staff. Why would they? If we perform well. Unfortunately, we don't. In fact, we fudge the books a little here and there. To make us seem better. Which inadvertently leads us to performing even worse since the impacts the aforementioned staffing issue. As such, we stagnate in a downwards spiralling toilet flush.

Wow, thats bleak imagery for work since im kinda loving it right now. But that's here and there. It doesn't change that changing figures is wrong and leads to people being done wrong. Not very obvious when it's done at my work place. All it makes at worst is people getting annoyed at having to wait to be seen by one of us. Big deal.

This culture of target driven work and such is applied across the board though. So what happens if the government legislate that patients who are diagnosed with cancer must receive treatment within x number of days after diagnosis? Well, then you just get doctors who delay giving patients scans so that the cancer isn't discovered until a later date so that they don't have such stringent workloads and tight deadlines.

So as i sit here, next to my mum who only got her ct scan by a miraculous mistake/novice doctor, I cant help but feel a little jaded. Had we not been told by our doctor to assume this was a minor stroke, we wouldn't have been prompted to send her to the hospital earlier the following day when she was feeling slightly unwell. Otherwise, we would have been waiting till the day after tomorrow for a ct scan. Just thinking that my mum would be sitting worrying at home uncertain about what was wrong with her while she had a lesion and excess fluid in her brain..? We've become quite pessimistic in this family, we're quite sure the doctors assumed cancer before they ran the tests to confirm. Vis a vis aformentioned doctor facts.

My brother and i spoke about things like this while he was down last week, in the run up to my mother's hospitalisation. While we were witnessing her deteriorating health and being pushed around by doctors who were laughably insisting it could be due to high blood sugar.

Imagine you run a pharmaceutical company and make billions on selling a drug. And you come up with a drug that works better and cures diseases amazingly quickly. Do you stop selling your current drug, which isn't as effective but sells bucket loads and makes you rich, start selling the new one which makes you less money?

Or do you withhold your new medicine and make loads of money???

Visiting hours are over now.

Thursday, 17 June 2010


Mcdonalds do a frequent coffee buyer card that comes attached to it's cardboard cups. You buy six coffees you collect the stickers on one of the cards and you get the seventh one free. I've never really collected them, i just hand the stickers over to my colleague who collects them religiously. I've come to realise that I'm not doing myself any favours by turning my nose up at the sticker scheme. You see, to my latest calculation based on my average consumption of coffee, ive missed out on roughly 7.5 billion free cups of coffee. Give or take. It's that hard to stay awake at work after a night out celebrating one of kris' birthdays.

Which are always a blast. Last time i had one, my mate passed out and had to have my assistance in order to, i hate to admit, change his clothes. They were covered in vomit. Of another person.

That's how you can tell you've had one hell of a night.

My iPad auto corrects hell for he'll. Which can be annoying.

Anyway, that year, my friend abdul tried putting his trousers on by pulling them over his head.
This was not conducive to his goal.

As you can imagine, taking his shoes off, what with the delicate task of untying shoe laces, didn't prove to be too easy.

Last nights party was good, no Abdul- sadly last years endeavour was a lesson to him. As for work the following day...

Funnily enough it was the day the people at work decided I could shadow some of the officers while doing some of the more difficult tasks. Something I'd been looking to do from day dot.

And here I am trying hard at 8.45 to stay awake and look all prim and proper, trying hard not to sway back and forth. And the dude i was meant to shadow didn't show.


Major suckage.

Suckage on a colossal scale. Mucho sucko.

Oh and when i get home, after two days of work seperated by 3 hours of sleep and 5 hours of partying, I realize I've left my house keys in my other trousers. So i whip out my phone to call someone since no ones answering the door. Turns out the families left london for the day. And night.

Long story short, i essentially had to break into my house. I've attempted this twice before and only today, in broad daylight for the first time and also, in a more sound state of mind, i actually managed to breK in. Oddly enough, two police officers walked right past me.

They were women though, so what can you expect?

It's slightly disconcerting how easily i managed to do it though.

Im currently reading bram stokers Dracula on my iPad. It's funny that i should read a chapter where they were discussing breaking into a house suspected to be owned by Dracula and van Helsing insists that they should do it during the daylight hours so as to remain as inconspicuous as possible. No one would expect it.

Also, on a note about Dracula. I love it. Such a fantastic method of narrative. And yet fully immersive for the reader. I feel at least.

Having seen a few film renditions of it, not enough is made of the character of dr Seward in my opinion. I understand that he's not got the most romantic and dizzyingly interesting role, but with regards to documenting the whole story, he's practically the spine of the whole story. If I were to write a screenplay based on the book I'd revolve it around the suitors of Mina and mainly on dr Seward. I find the Harkers' diary entries rather.... Drab. Save for Johnothan's first journal based in the castle of Dracula. That's amazing.

Ah, im in desperate need of sleep. My well concealed prejudices are shining through.

Saturday, 12 June 2010

Turkish baths.

Firstly, let me say to babz who commented on my last post... Wanker.

Secondly, what awesome weather!! I just got home from the park after a kick about with a mate. I seem to have spazticated my foot. So i sat down in the bath and tried to do a sort of massage on it. Im not as good as the dude who gave me my turkish massage in turkey. More on that later. Im typing on my iPad. Im offended that it auto corrects iPad to get a capital p but doesn't give turkish a capital t. Lame. And racist. Let's try Jew. Oh look at that. Auto corrected. How about Israeli? Oh fan frickin tastic.!

But I love my little ipad baby, wouldn't let anything happen to it for the world. Speaking of which, only a fey hours till England (auto corrected) get their first world cup match! We've not done too well against the USA (auto corrected) the last two times we played them. A draw last time and we got defeated the time before. Now i bring up england as a segway into a rant about the daily mirror. An interview with Wayne rooney(not auto corrected) revealed that he intends to win the world cup for britains REAL heros. Our soldiers. Right. Well, Coupled with the actual likely hood that England get anywhere near winning the world cup, and that a fair few of the soldiers of Britain aren't even English vis a vis possibly not too keen on old rivals england winning... I don't see that promise meaning much.

Also, the darn racist evil, annoying, filth on paper daily mail held a ballot asking if "terrorist" Zakir Naik should be allowed to enter the uk(not auto corrected). WTF?!

I like Zakir Naik. He's special to me. And awesome clever.

I can't move my right foot at all. I think i might have possibly done more harm than good in my bath. I can wriggle my toes. But thats it. Damn. Those turkish baths. Let me start by saying, if you don't know me, I should tell you im hairy. But not where you'd think it ok. No in fact I'm also balding. The two don't go well together. So my body hair is kinda, well, it's all encompassing. Sadly. But I'm cool with it. So i decide, yeah, we're in turkey(not auto corrected), so we should have a turkish bath. Off we go. It's a nice building, the receptionist was actually from new Zealand she had a strong accent and looked oriental. So hot. Perhaps it was just hearing the accent and being able to speak normally rather than screaming at people to make them understand what i was trying to say. Oddly the baths are all underground, you have to walk down this steep set of stairs upon entering the building. We went for the premium service. Unfortunately none of the services, no matter how much you'd pay, would get you massaged by a woman. Unless your a woman.

One thing i didn't get was that women got to go into a private section where no one saw anything but guys got undressed, wrapped themselves into towels and had to walk right past the entrance in the midst of women at reception. Which is embarrassing when there are many fit women along with the fit new zealander(not auto corrected). So inn we go into the men only section, and boy. Boy oh boy. So much heat it's hard to breathe. It was amazing. You begin sweating out from all over in the minute. I think i lost a few pounds. It was a little weird at first going with my brother in law but in retrospect, i think you really need to do that whole thing with someone with you who you can talk to. I imagine it would be a whole lot more embarrassing alone.

Then we were ushered into a different room where we were washed. Scrubed would be a better word. Vigourously. There was much scrubbing. And a little bit of massaging. Then again dragged out into another room where we were sat by a faucet and our heads were washed and shampooed. Finally we were brought to the massage rooms where we were placed on bed and given a full body massage. The guy massaging me did all sorts of weird things that made odd parts of my body move. On a side note me and my brother in law had bee nodding this phone jacker impersonation where half way rough talking to a person we'd start making a strange noise that, in spelling would look something like 'peww'. So here i am, head down getting massaged next to my brother in law and i get the funny idea of doing it. So this dude massaging me hears me make this odd noise and it's clear he's confused because he stops for a second. I begin giggling and know my brother in law is too. I try for a second time but as im doing it, my massues isn't having any of it and digs is hand into my leg hard and my peww comes out as more of a 'pee-argh ah ah ah!!'

And later as he massaging my front he starts tugging at parts of my body hair and saying what's this? So so mean.

And the massage ends. He asks how it was. I say great and thank him, explaining I'm feeling all kinds of limber now. He says, 'wait till tomorrow, you'll feel like...' and pauses trying to think of a super hero.


The dude at work talking about implants at work was at it again. I think if i ever, ever, ever decide to get it done, I'd ask if they can take hair from my body. Kill two birds with one hairy stone...

My dad was taking pictures in turkey and after my constant nagging got me in some of them. He said though, why go to a country like turkey full of historical buildings and take pictures of yourself? I said, hang on, that's what you're MEANT to do. If you just wanted pictures of turkey, you could just google earth it!
Anyway, we took this one and i reckon it's a good compromise on both our parts.

Anyway, I'm done. Comment, I like hearing from you!

Friday, 11 June 2010

Unproductive day at work

Well, here I am. At work. On a dank, cold, winter-like mid summer morning. I think it's raining. Oh shit, I left my muddy football boots in my garden. Poor things.
I haven't touched this thing in a while. I must say, most of you frequent readers visit this site even more than I have recently. I appologise for my lack of updating. I've just been knackered after work all week and either busy in some sheesha session till midnight or just collapsed in bed. I understand this just won't cut it but to make up for my leave I've begun writing this post at work. High risk of getting into trouble when I should be working. But I'm just juggling my prioroties. But is there actually much for me to write about?

All I do is work. And then as mentioned, sleep. I'm sure you appreciate that of late my views on the world will invariably revolve around blankets and matresses.

Just went on one of my tea breaks. There's something weird about how much more lenient this place is than O2. Is it the public/private sector divide? Is it that O2 was sufferring at the hands of the recession at that particular site? Is it just management styles? I doubt the latter since there were systems and processes in place from HR at O2 which implemented how we were governed so that was out of the control of my then manager. Whats more, the general attitude here, the ability to build up flexi time, the amount of annual leave as compared to that at o2, the working conditions, the uniform flexibility, the PAY! It's all vastly improved. When I joined and left o2 it was at a time where they were looking to make job cuts and it was evident that they made working conditions worse to make people voluntarily leave rather than have to pay them their redundancy package. But I walked past a shop the other day and things seem to have made such a big turn around that for the first time, they're actually accepting CVs in store. I don't understand what that's about.

So what else? Oh yeah, I made the move from out-door football to indoor football! Which is... Odd, I have to say.

And I made the move from Hot Choc to coffee.

But back to footie and indoor footie. I don't like indoor as much as I do outdoor but it's what the guys at work play and otherwise, I'm back to unpredictable games on random weekends with mates who drink more beer than actually play football.

Anyway, my guy at work is looking at this complaining about how long this has got. He finds it odd that people would visit a site to read. I explained to him that I was up last night reading Bram Stoker's Dracula. He looked perplexed.

But I take the hint that perhaps this isn't something I should be doing at work, especially given that I'm not writing anything of much interest. A note in general, you can tell a blog post isn't going to have much substance when the first line is regarding the weather.


Saturday, 5 June 2010

March for gaza. 5/6/2010

Trains are one of few places where i feel its safe to whip out my iPad. I mean i do use it on buses but I'm generally in a state of.... Eek! Every five minutes. Today, on my way home from work, i would Have used my iPad but there were no seats in a packed out train. So couldn't really. Since i had to hold on to a bar for dear life. Man i hate trains. But while i was on the train i did have some sort of in-journey entertainment. A horde of school children was on the train and for the WHOLE journey without cease they were singing pop songs. In a group. In a crowded train. On like, the hottest day all year. In a CROWDED train... Damn.
All sorts of songs kids shouldn't even understand at their age. Little girls singing, im only gonna break break your break break your heart. WTF? And sometime love knocks you down. They were practically in diapers when that was out!! Uff!

What else? Oh yeah, ive become quite a weird semi-freaky something or other recently. I got lines drawn into my head. Not just a line beard. No. Lines. In my hair. Whats left of it anyway. I dunno, it just goes well with the whole short hair thang.

But now I look like a thug/chav, i think people get kind of thrown when i talk to them politely. Which is funny to see.

Also, for those of you who ever want to gift me anything, since i now have an iPad, Itunes gift cards are now an acceptable gift. For those of you who don't want to give me a present, still get me an itunes gift card. Because without noticing, ive already bought half the application store for ipads.

If any of you are going to the gaza march tomorrow, ill see you there? Well, it would be nice ot rally some support for the people of gaza, but the fact is, you're either the kind of person who'd go to one of these things or you're not. I cant be asked to try and persuade you to go. I mean, it's only a whole country thats under siege by another country acting in a way that is condemned by the international community by and large for its methods and it's brutal killing of thousands of innocent civilians. And Britain also considers this barbaric state an ally of ours. Meaning we condone the killing of innocent people. And their starvation and the systematic degradation of its infrustructure and social wellbeing. Is that cool? I don't think so.

I like though, that so many random people have stumbled across my blog after typing "israel is fucked" into google. C'est tres jolie!

Ah god its late. I think im done for the night, i might go play mirrors edge. ON MY IPAD!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yes, im excited. So what?

Night peeps. Comment. Night.

Monday, 31 May 2010

I try to be nice but israel is so fucked up.

So bizzarly, the news machine has gone into overdrive about israel's attack on a civilian aid convoy. Interestingly, we've seen all manner of politicians from Turkey, Germany, Italy and the UN yet nothing in particular from the higher ups in the UK. Sure William Hague said something ballsy about how Israel needs to stop the blockade of Gaza, but if you read between the lines, little is said about israel's damnable offenses.

When i first read about it, i decided to read different newspapers and articles from around the world to get a feel for the varied stances certain papers and countries. As it stood, the readers of papers from the guardian to the sun to the BBCs website, commented in a sensible way condemning israel's actions. Over we go to comments posted by Americans on an american paper and boy oh boy. Apparantly, there is no need for aid in ghaza, they're all fine and all terrorists there. And loads of cries of support for the state of israel.

just to clarify, killing civilians is illegal. Let's not bug Israel with the issue of morality, let's just deal with accountability. Killing people is illegal. Storming a ship in international waters is illegal. Denying people basic human rights is illegal.

Yet, nothing is being said or done regarding israel's blatant disregard for the law.

And on a side note, what is tony blares new job? Something something about middle eastern something or other. It'll be interesting to see what he says about this latest act of evil.

Typing all this on my iPad has been way fun. This thing rocks.
Seriously though, Israel is fucked up.
But my iPad! Which, let's face it was probably designed somewhere in apple labs in Israel. Yuck, im sick of this thing already. My only solace lies in the fact that it was manufactured in china and that china will soon rule the world. And there's no room for a wild card like israel in china's vision of the future.

My iPad!!!!!! So shiney and nice and new!

Anyway, I have work tomorrow. Good night.

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

When in Constantinople

Do as the Romans, the Ottomans and the Greeks(?) did....

Well. Hi!
Sorry for the hiatus- I've been traveling. While I initially considered updating this blog during the trip, I fought the temptation, squeezed as much out of my holiday as I could and decided to fill in all the details once I arrived here.

Here I am!

I have to say, Turkey rocked. We went to Istanbul, and if you ever decide to go and need to plan some sort of itinerary, then here are some ideas! Visit some of the amazing historical sites. You have the blue mosque, the Grand Bazaar, the Turkish Baths, the Spice Bazaar, the OTHER mosques around different parts of Turkey.

Loads of fun. Plus the Mediterranean climate. Phwoar.

So, where should I start?

British Airways.
Well, BA were allowed to strike in the end. Fortunately, this didn't affect our flights. However, it still left us in a precarious situation with booking hotel rooms- we had to book in a relatively last minute manner meaning our selection was diminutive and expensive. I was personally spending in the region of 80 a night for (what I was expecting to be) a double bed. I'm sure we could have got much nicer rooms at a far cheaper rate had we booked in advance, but hey, that's the way shit goes down sometimes.

Otherwise, we had little to fault BA, their service was friendly, efficient and got us to where we needed in relative comfort. My niece had a penchant for kicking the back of my chair. But I think she just liked stretching her legs. The in flight food was a little weak and there was no entertainment. So, actually, we COULD fault them. For quite a bit. But no, I'll stay positive because Turkey has made me a happier person.


We arrived in a bizzarly shiny, modern looking Turkey, late at night. Zipping through the streets we caught glimpses of a conglomeration of hotels shooting into the skyline. Nothing but hotels for at least a 10 minute stretch of road out of the Airport. And then a McDonalds. They drive the other side of the road from us. A fact that kept escaping me and left me in a precarious state on more than one occasion. But on the first night, we zipped straight to the hotel.

While you're imagining me sitting in the back seat of a cab, looking out of the window, marveling at the wonders that presented themselves before me, let me give you a bit of what I THINK I know about Turkey. With regards to Turkey of Today, the country is on the brink of joining the EU. Some opposition is being thrown its way from current member states- from what I've READ, again, I'm PROBABLY mistaken, but I think Germany holds issues with Turkey joining. This could be for a mirriad of reasons, that it's a majority Islamic nation, that it would lead to an influx of immigrants to other parts of the EU, that... I dunno, but I think on the front of it all, they give the latter reason for opposing their membership.

As it stands though, Istanbul, the capital of Turkey has been nominated as the European capital of culture. Meaning they're throwing exhibitions and concerts and all manner of fun things. Which can only really help their standing as being seen as a developed, well functioning, ASSET to the European market. So great stuff, keep up the good work.

We stayed in quite a central area of Istanbul- Cemberlitas- there are accents under the c and s to make it sound Chemberlitash. That's wedged between quite a few famous landmarks- The Aya Sophia, the Blue Masjid, the TopKapi the Kapli Karsi, many of which have accents under their letters too. But we got to see most of those places. Save the Aya Sophia.

Economically, Turkey uses Lira as it's main currency, they converted at around 2.25 per pound sterling at my time of visiting. Many, more central places also accepted Euros but these aren't widely accepted in general shops so best to use Lira.

Then there's Turkey's geographical placement. It may well be the only country that's actually wedged half and half between two continents. There's and Asian side and a European side. I didn't get the opportunity to step into the Asian section though it didn't really appeal to me as much as the luxury and (relative) familiarity of the European side. Unlike the UK, Turkey is right near the equator, meaning the sun goes much higher in the sky by noon. The day's were all bright and amazingly warm. Perfect tee shirt weather.
The people are very friendly- where I stayed seemed to be practically a merchant town with people stopping you in your tracks, asking you how your day has been, where you come from and insisting you want to buy a pashmena. Quite similarly to Pakistan, you generally have to barter when you're in the market places and you're advised to begin your bartering at roughly the halfway mark of the sellers original asking price. They WILL try to riip you off at every chance they get. I bought a sheesha vase that was originally being sold to me for 210 Lira for 150. I had to place my initial offer at 100. Though nothing in my repertoire of bartering skills will come close to some of the displays put up by my family. There's the shambolic attempt by one of my sisters:

Sister: I'll take this one for 5 Lira.
Shopkeeper: But it's only 2 Lira....

That was funny. She's really, really bad at bartering.

While on a polar opposite, my other sister.

Sister: I want these trousers, how much are they?
Salesman: 65 Lira.
Sister: 20.
Salesman: (!) I Can't do that! No, no, no, no, no! 55 Lira! Lowest price.
Sister: 20.
Salesman: But why won't you listen to me?! I can only do 45 lira for you, special price. Only 45!
Sister: 20.
Salesman: Ok, final offer, I do it for 35 Lira no less.
Sister: No thank you. Only 20.
Salseman: Ok, ok fine.

I just stood there amazed watching her do her thing.

UNLIKE Pakistan, the quality of things available can actually be very good, particularly with their silks, leathers and pottery. We bought ample little trinkets as gifts and as I mentioned before, I got a sheesha. It's lovely. Although I hated carrying it home today. Trains. Gah!

Anyway, as it stands, I'm going to leave it at that. I'm tired, Gran Tarino is on and the family just got back from THEIR flight. Joy.

Anyway, it's been fun, for more information on Turkey, read my next post!! This one was just a cover of Turkey in general, tomorrow I hope to tell you things that actually happened. Make time to listen about the Pakistani dude who tried to sell me a prostitute. The Turkish Bath incident with my brother in law involving an overly friendly male masseuse. The inside joke about face jacker and our attempts to freak out Turkish people. Shopping! The conundrum of what do do with the cat?! The porn in the hotel rooms! The food! The Jet plane that I saw fly over my plane on my way home today!! Well, actually, that last one's pretty much already been said. There was a plane. That flew directly over my plane. And was very close. And left a stream of cloud-like gas in its trail. So exciting!

But seriously, I'm shattered. Night peeps!

Sunday, 16 May 2010

4 Lions

I don't think I'm going on Holiday...
BA are striking and now the ash cloud is back.
Damn ash cloud. I'm in awe of you, yet I'm so fracking annoyed at you too.

I'm ill. =( Sore, sore throat, which I think I've exasperated by loads and loads of sheesha. It's a really filthy habit. I'm worried it might give me cancer later in life. Which is totally messed up...

But to be fair, I'm not all that hyped about going to Turkey as it is. We're going to like... a family holiday place. Where I'm going to be "admiring" things...

Actually, I lie, it would be cool to see all the old buildings. But I feel the appeal would wear off once I've seen them once. And how many interesting buildings CAN there be??

I hope one of those interesting buildings has sheesha in it...

Hmmmm... Suddenly the idea of Turkey doesn't seem that bad...

Better than a Conservative facking Britain. How lame, right?

And bloody Nick Clegg. I'm so shocked he'd agree to the coalition deal. Also, right... They want to raise the retirement age! To 66!!!! Which is shit.
I'm not intending to work till I'm 66. It's okay for MPs who have awesome salaries and great pension schemes. Actually, my pension at local government isn't too bad...

Have you lot heard of a film called 4 lions? It's a comedy about Suicide Bombers. I want to watch it. So bad. My brother in law saw it and said it was hilarious. It's showing in Stratford cinema so woohoo!

Any takers? Of course not. You're probably a little offended I'd mention it.

Loosen up.

And watch this trailer:

Teeheee heeee!!!

Anyway! I'm out, my throats a-hurtin' so I'm blurtin'!

Saturday, 15 May 2010


But did I ever REALLY leave you? Always in some small little part of your heart? Brain? Memory? Dude, let me get a foot in somewhere, I'll even take the bladder if I have to...

Oh my diddly doo dah days! I have the internet again!

Well, that's all I wanted to say.

AND... That I apologize for all the bad things I have said about Virgin. While they were all perfectly justified and irrevocably true, Virgin are no way near as bad as BT. Let me clarify- Phone line ORDERED in FEBRUARY! STILL not got it till this day......

So in the wise words of some dude, You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find....... You get what you need. Rolling Stones I believe....

Expect more regular-ish blog posts to be cropping up. This interwebby thing is fun! Did you know you can do this thing called... Porn oh graph E on it?

CrAzY days...I think I might have a barbeque today. Plenty of things to moan about by the way. Like how I fast tracked my passport so I could go Turkey next week and suddenly, BA are on strike!! So I might not be going after all....

Meh, will go into details of that another time. Good thing though, is that the family leave a few days before I do (IF I do...) so I get to throw some cRaZy parties around mine. Not crazy. XBox. x2. Plus big screen. Plus food. OOH A bbq. Hmmmmmm....


Yumm.. Weathers nice today, stop reading my blog and enjoy the day!

Friday, 7 May 2010

Who stuck around for the Ending of Iron Man 2 After the Credits?!

So, with this blog, I seem to have got quite a small, quite a familiar audience, people I know, people I'm COMFORTABLE enough with, that I can talk about relatively mundane, ordinary day to day things.

Like Kheer.
Like... Afters in Leyton.
Like... Needing to go to the loo.
Like... Practically everything in day to day life.

But then, SOMETIMES- and by sometimes I mean with regards to my last blog post, I write an AWESOME title. A title inspired by a slogan I saw someone carrying around at Nick Cleggs last speech before the elections. A banner that read:

Nick Clegg You Gorgeous Bastard.

But, you see... I must not have been the only person who saw that banner. Oh no. But unlike the... let me count, one second...

Unlike the TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY SIX(!!!!) people who typed it into google to SEARCH for it and came across my blog...

I decided to use the phrase to write a blog post.

So invariably, so TWO HUNDRED!!!!! AND FORTY SIX PEOPLE!!!
Just sent my page load reading off the goddamn chart.

Bloody hell.

In comparison, my bar chart result for the day before looks like The BNP's total votes in Birmingham...

But yes, as it stands, I really shouldn't use AWESOME titles that are going to attract certain people to read my blog and then say very little regarding the topic of the title itself.

That can only lead to confusion, annoyance and embarrassment.

Now... What should I call THIS blog post??


Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Nick Clegg You Gorgeous Bastard!

I went to Afters in Leyton last night. After doing Sheesha and getting a call from my dad in front of all my friends asking: Usman, if you do sheesha, do you think you're going to begin smoking for real? Don't you know it's bad for you? You DO know you're practically smoking right?

And my friends bust have simply seen me saying, "No, it's alright. No I won't. No, I won't start that. I'll stop soon. Sorry, I'll be home soon. Bye!"

Uuber uncool. Fortunately there is some plan of moving back out in the pipe work.

Though rather strangely my dad asked if I'd be interested in working with him to buy a property..... Which threw a massive curve ball into my plans. And would be awesome.
But as it stands, while I'm waiting to see how that pans out, I'm living in the here and now. On a ridiculous level. Spending like a twat saving like a civv.

A large portion of that spending goes towards Afters in Leyton. Because a) They're convenient and do decent cakes. b) because there is a hot waitress there. More because of B since their cakes aren't THAT good. In fact, they're not good. But don't tell her I said that. And don't tell her about this blog. Lame.

Anyway, I got my mum some Kulfi from there last night and I went next door to Ambala and got her some Kheer too. Kheer is an indian desert. It's creamy and sweet with weird nut things in it. She just got her latest round of results from the hospital back and it was all clear so this was just a little present.

Obviously, I decide to give her stuff that's really unhealthy in a scenario where I'm congratulating her on her good health. Turns out me mamma didn't want the kheer but liked the ice cream. My dad, seeing how I left all the stuff on the living room table decided to pop everything in the Freezer.

Kheer is not meant to be frozen.

So now, I'm tucking into a whole new brand of ice cream. Kheer-cream. And it's not so bad. In fact, it's quite nice.

Yeah, all that back story, all that explanation of getting stuff and going afters- practically EVERYthing written beforehand was just to build up to say I'm eating frozen Kheer. Nice.

So vote Lib Dems tomorrow please. PLEASE! Vote for change, vote for fairness, vote for who you think deserves to win and who you think could REALLY change this country for the better.

Or failing that, just vote lib dems anyway.

I came across a blog just now, that appears to be written by my sister. How strange is it that there are THREE bloggers in my family? Very. I seem to be the only one with a regular influx of visitors though. Thank you random people from king's college who visit my site. Or people who I have pestered to visit for ages and ages. And you Babor, for always reading what I have to write, even though it is predominantly spiel. Who am I kidding it's all spiel. But the kind of spiel that comes from the heart.

Much like the way Lib Dem want you to vote. From your heart.

Honestly though, we COULD be on the brink of a once in a generation outcome. And you could put your name down as one of the people who made it happen. We could however, also be on the precipice of a Conservative government. One thing is for sure, we're about to undergo a dramatic change in our Government. With all likelihood pointing towards a hung parliament, these coming years could really impact on how our country moves forward, the values we adopt and the issues we prioritize.

So vote for Lib Dem.

Because I agree with Nick Clegg.

Enough of the election smecktion stuff from me.

I've got training for some weird computer system they use in libraries tomorrow. Even though I don't really work in a library. BUT, it's a day off work so why not?

And the number of comments has gone down from like.... FIVE(!) to One. And it WAS an awesome comment.. No wait, let me try and think what you wrote Babor....

Probably something inflamitory and silly. Let's copy and paste.

Since when did Facebook polls become an accepted as a valid form of a poll compared to Ipsos MORI or YouGov?

Nick Griffin for Barking MP!!! (Not my constituency by the way)

Well, no, it wasn't awesome was it? You should stop saying you want the BNP to win, some people I don't know DO actually visit this blog you know.... Like that person from King's College... And like, this one other person who commented as anonymous recently. Those TWO people might think you're genuinely supporting the BNP. And s/he might go and support them too because of you.

It would ALL be your fault...

Actually, my sister's were leafleting for labour in Barking- the only real opposition for the BNP in that constituency so that's the ONLY reason it's cool to support Labour over the Lib Dem. ONLY in THAT borough. And while they were leafletting, they stumbled across none other than Nick Griffin! Remember that sly mother F?! Well, he's still alive and kicking black people. And spewing his evil on our streets. Our multicultural streets that have been shared equally among people from all nationalities and religions! He dares to tell us that the way we've been interacting with one another is wrong, telling us we aren't British enough for him... He can... well.. I've fizzled out of hate for him really. He's inconsequential to me. Unless his party wins a seat or two. Then I'm going to have to seriously reconsider what I think it means to be British.

Ah and the newspapers at work. I always come to work to find a conglomeration of tabloid newspapers spread across the desks of the staff room, each hailing David Cameron as our messiah and slating Gordon Brown/ Nick Clegg as loonies. As a way to reach out to the millions and millions of people who make up the tabloids' readership and OBViously visit my blog, here's a video.

Ah I love that song.... Thanks Mav.

What else happened recently? That volcanoes still at it. Crazy, right?

I want to be a film writer. I had a wicked idea for a film/tv show but I won't tell you because it's too good and you might try and steal the idea from me. It involves a cow. And a skinhead. And a pair of tweezers. And a pogo stick. And LOTS of sunflower oil...

Okay now I'm starting to think maybe eating that Kheer wasn't such a god idea, I gotta go to the loo. I'll leave it at that for tonight... *pukes*

Saturday, 1 May 2010

I don't care what the weatherman says

Because it's FLIPPING RAINING! What difference does it make if he SAYS ANYTHING!! GRRRR!!

I have kid's running around my house. It's annoying. They keep going Meow thinking they can trick soomie into thinking they're cats too.

They aren't the brightest little crayons in the pack..

The plus side of guests- the ample quantities of fried food! Samosas and Pakoras watch out!!

In response to Anonymous- Blogger lets me post blogs on a Mac but can't let me post comments on my own blog. I dunno... Safari is weird.
Anyway, in response to you, with your comment in my last post; Yes Gordon Brown MAY be cuddly and cute and like a grandpa, but those aren't qualifiers for him to reign over us as prime minister. Those are qualifiers for him to shout and for no one to listen. And for us to put him in a home when we've had enough of him. NOT 10 downing Street! I think Santa's cute and I'd want him as my Grandad but, as my Prime Minister? He'd use our national wealth to buy us all Action Man/My little Pony dolls.

Which is probably a damn lot better than whatever Gordon Brown's been doing with our monies.

PLEASE vote for the lib dems people. Don't let the Tories get into power.

This isn't going to be a particularaly long post. I was out til 3 yesterday and Had to be at work for 8.45. So right now my eyes are fluctuating between half-moon and fully closed.

I actually fell asleep RIGHT there. Okay, I'll call it a day on this one. I'm gonna have a nap and then install some windows seven on my big mama of a desktop..

Facebook stats for the elcetions. Things are looking good!!

Thursday, 29 April 2010

My shortie.

I came home today from my adventurous day of shopping (and what a day it was) to check out my blog. An all-year high number of comments possibly!? Well, let's keep up the good work people-it's nice to get some two way stuff going here...

Ah, my day. Actually, on to that whole two way thing, here's a fun tool I'd like some of you to use and post up your results.

It's basically a tool which asks you a series of questions and based on your answers about a range of topics, will give you a synopsis of which way you sway politically. Try to be as honest as you can, please- after all, it's answers are only going to be as accurate as you are honest.
So here's the link:


And in the comment sections, just post your percentages. If you have five minutes to spare.
As for my results:
Liberal Democrats: 70%

Green Party: 65%

Labour Party: 59%

Conservative Party: 19%
I only selected these four as parties I would EVER consider voting for.
Now, to my day! It all began with a beam of light, bursting through the cracks of my blinds. What misery I was expecting to behold as the weather had been forecast to be dreary and woefull. But hark! Twas not a cloud in the sky, nay- the birds sang and the sun shone. Ever so brightly, my eyes did but yearn to be under my covers once more!
Ok enough with that olde English. So basically, nice day, was expecting crappy weather so suddenly, I felt annoyed that I agreed to help my dad with his house refurbishment plans- yes he's worked up some new sort of house work that needs doing. This time it's the roof. Although I'm too afraid to climb that high- I offer moral support and light refreshing banter from the foot of the ladder.
But today was too nice a day to be spent cooped up working. I decided to go out.
First stop- food for my dad. And at the shop the dude was playing an indian song on the radio.
Now, I'm not one for indian songs, I think they're rubbish generally but this one...
Perhaps it was the crackle on the radio that was so akin to the sound quality found in Pakistan, maybe it was the song itself, reminding me of the one indian film I've watched in ages, but whatever it was, just sent me RIGHT back into those mountain ranges if Kashmir, with the cassettes we'd listen to on our long road trips or journeys to the Dam. I really, REALLY missed Pakistan today.
And I've googled the song now. And the quality is too good. Doesn't sound as nostalgic.
So that was a nice sort of start to the day.
I decided to meet an old buddie for food but got into central london WAY too early. I spent loads of time in Tottenham Court Road. Went around all the computer shops. Decided I'd buy Windows 7. Never buy computer stuff form shops. Always buy online. You'll save abour 20% generally. From what I've found. So generally, the labels were showing that 7 was going to cost me 150 quid. Online in fact, the first site I've come across sells it for 89(ex VAT) pounds.
So maybe it was the burst of Pakistani culture I had earlier in the day, I decided, since all these places were going to try and rip me off, I'd barter with them and get the best price out of them. After bouncing between two of the lowest priced shops, I managed to get fifty quid knocked off and walked out of the shop with it for a hundred. =)
Really had loads of time ot kill.
And then.
And I've been struggling as to wether I should put this up here...
And then. I did the ultimate Evil.
You see, after the shopping excursion I took a break, went to a starbucks that's straight under the massive Center Point building there and had my frappe upstairs on the comfy sofas.
Went out of the shop, walked towards a furniture shop and noticed that quite a distance from me there was a little person. A dwarf? A Midget? I confuse the terms. I think one might be offensive. But nevermind the small details, I go ahead to do something far, far worse.
So me, being the nice person I am, decide, it's REALLY rude to stare, so don't do it. I look EVERYWHERE but at the small person. I notice that one or two of the people between myself and the dwarf are staring at him and I think, HAH! You rude people, come on, have some common decency...
I continue to look everywhere but at the small man. ON the road, at some shops, at the far distance.
Well, you see, when you're not looking at something or someone, there's a possibility you might- ESPECIALLY when this is regarding foreshortened people-well.... walk INTO them.
And you see... This kinda happened. Only.
Well, my reflexes are almost too fast for my own good because just in the nick of time I noticed there was the small person about to meet my crotch head first and well... I kinda...
I jumped over him...
I... Well... Yes.
And I appologised. But I've noticed that shorter people aren't very happy people. He kinda grumbled something and walked off..
I would like to take this oppertunity to appologise for my behaviour. I'm so so so sorry. I didn't mean to.
If any short people are reading this, I really didn't mean to offend him or you.
Anyway, I almost got coerced into buying a set of sunglasses from selfridges. Instead I decided not to and bought some trainers instead. And I stumbled into the nicest clothes store ever on Oxford circus. It's called Mash and I've NEVER been in it before. Sooooo many nice clothes. Awesome. I bought a tee shirt with a set of giant heaphones printed on it. Twas very nice.
Anyway, other than that, usual stuff, REALLY nice food at wagamama's and had a fun stroll through Selfridges with April!
That's enough humiliation in my blog post for one day. I'm out.
Enjoy the weather. HAH!

CoD MW2.

Guys, you know what I'm talking about. Girls, it's the bane of all of your desires to keep your guys interested on the phone. Call of Duty. Modern Warfare. 2.


A little late, I know- it came out months and months ago, but I haven't even had my XBox at home for a while. So having recently snatched it back from a mate, I've gone a little crazy and spent half my pay on a gazzillion games. So far, I've clocked Batman- Arkham Asylum, quite understandably the Game of the Year. So amazing, it'll make you squeal with joy. Many times.


Probably not. Because I'm just a Batman geek. A Mucho Batman Geek. I know all there is to know about him. And yet, I still have game with the girls. It's insane.
I've actually met a comic book buddy at work who's totally into his Marvel. More than DC, which I personally prefere.

None of you know what I'm talking about, right?

Well, let's go right back to the beginning...

Actually, let's not, even I'm bored half to death with this comic talk already.
But seriously, modern warfare 2. Phwaor.

My sister's gone to visit my OTHER sister and she's left me with her mobile broadband USB thing. Yes people, STILL no BT line. Fuckers. I had a PROPER go at them on the phone, going from manager to manager to manager. I'm good at that. I ended up getting 3 months off my line rental. Which is alright. I think. But seriously, they've kept us waiting from Febuary. It's SO uncool.

So as it stands, no net at home, aside from this MobileBroadband thing. Which has a 3gb usage allowance. Since my sister's gone away, I've caught up with all the How I met your mother episodes I've missed these past 4 months- because we got rid of Virgin BEFORE we applied to BT- I've updated my blog, I've Facedbooked like a Facebook whore getting paid by the minute, and I've more or less killed off her 3GB allowance.


But FINE people from around the world! Fret not, I'll be getting home broadband soon (INSHA ALLAH!!!!!!!!!!) and then I'll be posting all sorts of strange happenings about comics and games and all manner of fun things for your liking.

Do you ever get this feeling (which I'm getting about now) that you just HAVE to shop. There's NOTHING I need in the world right now, I'm not getting my bike for another month at least, I'm SUPPOSED to be saving for a deposit for my next appartment- I don't actually WANT anything, but I NEEEEEED to shop! It's insane in the membrain!!

Maybe some shoes.

Or boots.

Or trainers.

Or a football.

Or shin pads.

Or football socks.

Or Jeans.

Or trousers.

Or a shirt.

Or a few Tees.

Or a tie.

Or some pie. (yes we're in to the rhyming section...)

An mp3 player.

A Boxset of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

A Bathrobe.

A Wardrobe.

Some RAM for my computer.

A Book to read on my journeys as a commuter.

Or maybe I should just go watch a film?

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Body hair...

...It's God's cruel joke on the balding dude. Seriously, I have tonnes of the stuff everywhere I don't want it. But try to get my scalp to hang on to some of it... It's harder than watching Gordon Brown make a fool of himself on the telly without feeling a little bit bad for him.

Compounded by the fact that a dude who works with me, with what appears to be a more than ample head of hair came up to me recently and said, "Oh man, my hairs falling out, I'm gonna need to look up some hair-loss prevention shit".

And he says it with a straight face. While in MY company. Me, being a dude who practically has the golden arches on his forehead... Sheesh. I bring this up because I saw a dude on the street today who was incredibly bald but still decided to fight a losing battle and keep whatever hair he had left as long as he could. He looked rather silly. He was Asian of course. We revere hair for some reason. Once, while at O2, a woman went as far as seeing the hair on my arm and complimenting me for it. Saying it looked nice.

See it's times like that, when people make outlandish statements like either one of those above- i need to cure my absolutely unnoticeable balding/ I like your arm hair- that I get really on edge as to whether, these people are just playing a cruel trick on me. So I get straight into my overprotected mode and just be abrupt and polite.

Speaking of being polite, I'm a relatively well spoken person, I'm polite and tend not to use slang in a professional atmosphere. This served me well in O2 because the particular store I was in was in West London. I fitted in a little better with the clientele.

Now that I'm working in the East End of London. Deary me.

Deary, deary me. They're suspicious of me! They prefer it if I great them with, "Alright?" Or "aw-ryt" Or "Ello ello". Some, I'm sure would even appreciate the odd "Wattagwaanin?" Though I fear my pronunciation would be underwhelming and shambolic. It's a very nasal word. Say it to yourself; you'll see where I'm coming form...

Nasal, right?

And going RIGHT back to something I said at the start- Gordon Brown!? Sheesh, man! What a fool he made of himself today! If you haven't heard of it, you're a muppet. Or just not from England, possibly. Or just not that into politics. Well, basically, he had a talk with a woman, a general memeber of the public, walked away from her, got in his car and while a tape was recording his conversation with someone else (unbeknown to him) he said the interview was terrible and that the woman was a bigot!! And worse still, the woman was asked, immediately after his interview with her if she was to vote labour, and she said yes! And THEN they told her what he said about her in his car! OUCH! AND WORSE STILL!!! His reaction to listening to the secret recording was put on camera. Phwoar! Terrible, terrible day, Mr. Brown. I feel for him. But I'm annoyed at the fact that he's giving SO much ammunition to the Conservative Party.

And for those of you thinking of voting conservative, The Financial Times had an article out, either yesterday or the day before, telling of how the Tories are moving to get support from Nationalist Parties in the eventuality of a hung parliament....

I had a dude at work queuing up to see me and I could hear him tell his neighbor in the line how he was definitely going to be voting for the BNP...

But it is scary though, because I was coming home from work and got off at Stratford Station to see an anti-BNP rally by a few people. It was nice but I wanted to veer away from it because, well, I wanted to get home fast and not get distracted into talking to one of them. But then, as they were chanting that the BNP were racist, fascist and altogether, not nice people, a bunch of yobbish white men started shouting back at them, defending the BNP and insulting the rally-ers. Which was pretty messed up, given it's the area I practically live in. Not cool at all. So I had to show my support and signed the petition.

Vote Lib Dem people, PLEASE!

I bought a Barbie today. It's really nice, with loads of additional stuff that you can attach to it. While it's volumptious, one of the nice things is that it's still very sleek, elegant and stylish.

And it's a BBQ. Not a doll.

More from me, when I'm not quite so busy playing on my Xbox. Ciao.

Monday, 19 April 2010

iPhone post number...?

D'ya miss me? D'ya miss me?? Is that the reason you're Reading my blog daily?? Do ya? Do ya?? I miss you!! Which us why I keep wasting hours writing this damn thing... Bloody hell. So what's been happening with you lot? Any of you stranded in a distant land waiting to come home? Any of you rueing the day the volcano popped it's cherry because totally screwed your holiday plans up? That sucks. But you have looserballs to keep you occupied for a while.

I'm on an iPhone again. Getting cramps in the thumbs.

I rescind my comments about a new iPhone comin out. It probably will.
Apparantly someone found a new iPhone left at a bar in America. Crazy stuff. So I'm wanting one.

And an ipad.

And with that, having sold my soul to apple... I'm off to bed. Night kids.

Saturday, 17 April 2010

Volcanic eruptions, aeronautical disruptions

What should I do? I have a one and a half day weekend... And I had to sleep in the afternoon today. Headache. Sucky.

But there's been plenty going on in the world isn't there?! Elections coming up; go Nick Clegg!! Lib Dem peeps, check them out, vote for them, make this a better country.
Ah, and the volcano! But I'll get back to that in a second.

The day after I bigged up o2 for being a good company...

Dear god. On my way home from work, after a long, long day, dealing with what COULD be regarded as the dregs of society. I get a text from O2.
Your bill is due. Which reminds me I need to set up my direct debit with o2 again.

Say wha?!

So instantly my mind goes back to the blog post I wrote and I got a little annoyed.

One quick phone call though, is all it took for it to be clarified and even rectified. £20 credit on my bill and the issue was resolved in one quick bus journey home.

Speaking on the BUS journey....

My local bike shop is stocking the CBR 125R. Dear god. Dear LORD! It is a work of ART! A little small but I'm still a little intimidated by bigger bikes as it is. So it's alright. And only £1,500.
I jizz a little each time I think of it.

So yeah, back to that Volcano. Flipping hell! The ash comes out hot as hell. goes up like 6km and becomes like tiny shards of glass. Which is why the dust is so harmful for airplanes.
I heard a helicopter today. Which got me wondering if the pilot was being a little naughty...
Sorry if my sentences are a little lackluster at the moment, I'm watching "Wonders of the solar system" on BBC 4. A program about the solar system. Yet it's started about a mosque in Tunisia. Apparently the fourth most holy site in Islam. I didn't know that. :/

...The stuff you learn....

But the program is pretty awesome so forgive me.
Tunisia looks nice this time of year...

Anyway, yeah, this program's taken too much of my intention... Take care of yourselves.
Go watch some educational telly.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Submit the damn thing, come on.

STILL no internet so forgive the infrequency with which this blog is updated. I try, I really do, but apparently they monitor our usage at work... I really, really hate BT. Enough to almost like Virgin. But... possibly not.

I got asked by a lady at work about all manner of phone related issues since she learned I used to work at o2. It was nice. Have I become indoctrinated by the O2 mantra of turning customers into fans and what not..? Am I an O2 fanboy now that I've worked for them? Possibly. I hated them while I worked for them, that's for sure. The higher ups, head office workers, smug in their white collar jobs and being in the company ranked in the top ten best places to work for in the UK. And then us. Blue collar workers on the shop floor. Illiterate, uneducated and unimportant leg workers. After all, if you don't have a degree, you can't read a spreadsheet...

Oooh, did I let a bit of my bitterness show? My annoyance at the unfounded impetus given to university students, most of whom would probably need to copy and paste some of my words into Google to understand what they mean..? Yeah, you've got a degree in advanced manicure giving from the university of nowhere. But you're still a dip shit.

But on the flip side, I know some bright people doing degrees at universities that get little or no recognition and it's so uncool. Though they get little sympathy from me, since even their "bad" institutions give them an immeasurable advantage over me. Which is lame.

But back to O2. I do like them. I think they're a good mobile provider, I think they are a smart company that has good products and really good customer services. Which is what's important to me.
Which is why, when I'm on my to/ home from work, I always come across this insanely annoying advert by Orange. I'll run through it with you:

Calling friends? Great.
Unlimited Calls? Great.
Any Questions?

Well... Actually, yeah. I have loads of questions. How many friends? What times can you make calls? Are your friends numbers only on orange? How much does it cost? What about when you're abroad? What about when they're abroad? What about voicemail charges?

Loads more but I'm tired.

I've been working with people who claim benefits a lot recently. It's been really interesting and has completely changed my view on what government spending should be for benefit seekers.

Again, too tired to really go into it in any detail at the moment but I'll say this much. Some people pay £1 a week on rent...

If you claim THAT much benefit, then it should be because you live in a way that £1 rent a week would be similarly pocket emptying to what a working person would find their rent to be.

By that. If I pay £500 a month on rent and that's a third of my monthly wage, then that 500 is going to impact how I live for the month.
If a person gets rent for a pound a month, comes by, gives me 50 quid and goes off without having to pay rent for a YEAR...

Wouldst that it were that easy though. They STILL have to complain about paying rent though. It's not enough that they pay less than... Well, very little.

Anyway, I'm out for now. Go play some Pro Evo.

Wednesday, 7 April 2010


So I've been watching the footie today. It's painful to watch at this moment in time. Especially given how well United started.
A few minutes left till... Well, let's stay optimistic. Though we only have ten men. And we're losing...

My heart is actually in my stomach. A win would have made my evening. And now a loss is pretty much going to ruin my day tomorrow. Damn.

Anyway, what's been up man, how you people doing?

You know what, I can't stomach writing this anymore... I'll see you on the flip side of the match...

Saturday, 3 April 2010

Hello again!!

So! It's been a while right? I've noticed that my visitor count has slowly and steadily been decreasing as my own frequency to update this shizzle has dipped. BUT! Fear not! I have a FOUR Friggin day weekend this week so I can comfortably blag (intentionally misspelled) on about stuff.
So! Indeed, though now that I'm getting back into the swing of things, I'm finding it pretty hard to write anything!!! EEK!

Ah, ACTUALLY, I'll ADVISE you people on stuff.

FIRSTLY! PLEASE! If you think a new iPhone is coming out, GOOD! I don't agree with you, but fine. Whatever. BUT! Please be aware of what 3G means (what it's an acronym for) and what it ACTUALLY MEANS!!! 3RD Generation applies to a NETWORK coverage, NOT just the iPhone. You'll notice that the SECOND iPhone was called 3G NOT the third, which is the 3GS.

So third generation applies to the name of the type of network that the iPhone 3G was able to connect to, which enabled it to connect to higher speed internet. So 3G is actually something offered by mobile NETWORK providers such as O2, Orange etc. etc.

SO!!!!!! DEAR GOD! SO!!!! When if APPLE Release a NEW iPhone, save for it coinciding with the release of a BRAND new type of network infrastructure that all mobile networks would have to adopt/ or Apple intentionally misleading the market with a poorly chosen name (which, lets face it, given the recent arrival of the i-tampon MAY actually be possible...) it will NOT be called an iPhone 4G...

Unless it is. Come on, who knows. It's apple, they could call it Fucker if they wanted to.

Another piece (oops, i before e) of advice I'd offer you- always pay off your bank charges.... :/

I won't go into tooooo much detail. But trust me. Always. Pay. Them. Off....


I'm wearing my spiffy new cufflinks from Tatty Devine today for the first time. It's a really cool place to shop if you want to buy some jewelry as a present for someone. It's online. Do a google search if you must.

My sister. Hah! My sister, right, just bought a new car. Its sitting outside in the road, it's new car gleen slowly wearing away under the heavy pelting of rain it's been receiving (I before E UNLESS after C) these last few days...
A NEW car. I don't understand her need to get one form new. She say's it's because it offers her piece of mind and runs better.

But she bought a Skoda....

I don't understand it ALL makes no sense... My head spins when I try to think about it so I'll stop.

What's new with you people? I understand I've been silent for a few days but some of you haven't commented in WEEKS!!!!!!
Uff! Enough to drive me to contemplating stop writing on this thing only to realize I do it MORE for me than I do it for you! It's a compulsion! Oh NOOO!!!!

I'm hooked. Damn.

Maybe Admitting it is half the battle.

LOL! I'm listening to Justin Timberlake's: Like I love you.
Classic line in the backing:

"I just love your..... BRAINS!!!!"


Ah, the weather is so sporadic, it's gone from being a beautiful sunny day with clear blue skies to having just one massive chunk of cloud pissing it town and now it's sunny again. Bloody northerly winds.

Darn you Scandinavia and your ice cold touch!!

Now titchy strider is rapping about his last detention on the telly. No really, what life experiences can a 16 year old boy have that he raps about?

On the note of annoying rapers. Jay Sean.

I'm sorry but isn't he just the male equivalent of Cheryl Cole? I mean the music is THAT bad.
I'm listening to a song that could only really be called "Bring it back"? I mean that's the words that pop out the most. Oh and Sean Paul is saying that's what I heard a few times too. Why is HE dancing in the water? Usually it's the women that writhe around in there for our pleasure. Why's he getting all up in that asian girls space??

Ah, Jay Z. Let's listen to some of the good stuff..
I love this song with Alicia Keys.

Let that be all for now, I'm all blogged out. It's either (E before I What the heck!? And there wasn't even a C!!) because I'm up early after a late night or just not that into you anymore...

Go have some Lindt. Yummmm!!

Thursday, 25 March 2010

With just < 20% power left in this iPhone, let's see how far I can get in this post. I was working in a really old library today. Gave me an odd sense of nostalgia for my primary school. Wood floor, yellow painted brick Walls. Basements and their strange smells and those really old, really thick radiators that you'd have at the back of classrooms and you could lean back on in winter. The ones that are all rounded at the top. I'm all for modern libraries and at points I was nodding off from boredom but there was something about the library, perhaps the smell of books for a change (unlike the smell of a newer, refurbished library like Stratford, for instance) that was really nice.

I wouldn't like to go back though it's allure is short lived. It serves as a good memory...

So yes, I just wanted to post this since I feel my blogging has been sporradic (sp?) and insufficient. Also I do hope you checked out my brother's blog I saw pictures of lemon mirangue pie. He's also done a post on how to make rice which I think is fantastic. He always makes great, fluffy rice without leaving any burnt on the edges...

So go visit!! And enjoy your Easter holidays that I think should be coming up!! Ciao!

Sunday, 21 March 2010

Food you like? Foodmelike !!!

This here is another iPhone post so forgive the briefness of it.

My brother visited the site today. Wasn't happy with the contents. Thus I shall swear less. Who gives a juck about swearing and phit anyway?? Bad words are for jucking bunts anyway. It's uncool and ultimately leaves you looking like a pritt... Stick.

On a completely unrelated matter, I got the idea to make a blog many, many months after my brother and to show him some love, I thought I'd ask some of you dudes to check out his blog? You can visit it at

I think. I'll double check that some time soon.

But a brief synopsis of the blog??

Use your imagination... It's a food blog.

Loads of recipies on it, lots of easy to follow instructions illustrated wonderfully with photos of his endeavours. I think there's even a mock instructional video featuring both my brother and sister. Worth a watch.

Tell me what happens in it please. :)

I kid! I've visited his blog loads. And it's actually really good. Puts this shambolic excuse for self gratification to shame... I think his spellings a little better than mine...

So that's

check it out, cook, eat, drink, be merry.

Honestly typing on this chitty piece of jucking dog furd is vloody bullwhit!!!

Go try for yourselves. And visit that blog. Night!

Saturday, 20 March 2010

God, I can't believe bt managed to screw up so badly again! One month without the net at home. This sucks.

I can at least surf at work right? Wrong. Work usage is monitored. Also sucks. so here I am, resorting to flipping iPhone Internet. Which is slow on 3g instead of wifi.

But work is good!! So that's a plus. And I have my maths lessons coming up which is worrying because I'm always shit-knackered after work.

I started at east ham. Which was strange since commuting meant going through green street and having to deal with all that rush and school kids and smells and lame memories of that crappy street and it's stupid sweet corn in a cup vendors. But the place itself was nice, if not a litle alien. Since then though, I've moved to canning town! Which is like a walk away from my old appartment!! In a month or two I'm gonna have to look into finding a place again. With a garage for my motorbike!!

Oh hell yeah am I getting one.

But perhaps I'll look into some sort o finance manager to prevent a relapse of my last moving out fiasco...

I'm geting sore thumbs with this tiny screen so I'm gonna leave it here!! It's nearly my bed time!! :-O

Go enjoy your days!! Live long and prosper but if you're gonna watch a nerdy sci fi movie, make it star wars and not star trek. Seriously people, standards!!

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Dr. Something something, Qadri

This is in response to an article I read today.

It is regarding a press conference held by Dr. Tahir Ul Qadri regarding the actions of suicide bombers and militant's who act under the banner of Islam. I'm not going to copy and paste the whole text. It would be arduous to read through. I will however highlight points which take my interest.

If you wish to read the article, which summarizes his speech, you can find it here:'Terrorism-and-Suicide-Attacks'-the-Press-Conference-of-Dr.-Tahir-ul-Qadri.htm

There are a few issues I would like to voice about this text, however let me first make clear my stance on suicide bombing.

It is bad. It's really, really bad. It is bad for many reasons, ranging from the targets that are usually picked- civilians, it is bad because it is suicide, which in my religion is forbidden. It is bad because it demonstrates the level of disparity that a person has dropped to, that they would sacrifice their own life in such a way. It is an expression of such dire destitution and highlights the terror that people must live through that would lead them to undertake such a terrible action.

I would also like to say that while what the good doctor is saying is based undoubtedly on years of teaching and studying and from various sources, my humble OPINION is based solely on what I have seen as a spectator and a very basic understanding of my religion, passed on to me from my parents. I'd also like to think my morality and judgement play a part in what I say and that I'm commentating on this tender subject with as much empathy as I have.

As much of Dr. Qadri's speech comes, I'm sure, from direct Islamic scripture, there will be claims to which we both agree. I feel a "disagreement in the context in which the Quran and Sunnah were received" is a rather arbitrary excuse for our differences in opinion.
The modern world is a conglomeration of systems, laws and cultures which either coincide or clash with one another and form a sort of patchwork global community. Politics, economy and religion are just a minute handful of factors that lay weight to a given issue and a ruling such as the one proposed by Dr. Qadri can have implications on all of these issues and certainly, many others. Reciprocally though, our beliefs and judgement will vary because of these very things. His opinions, based around his position in Pakistani government, possibly his job, his background and his culture. Similarly all these factors will invariably have had an impact on MY opinions too.
  I rather fortunately, do not have the pressure of a government, media lobbies and an Islamic association behind me or coercing me to say any one thing or another. And I'm not explicitly saying that he has either...

But he might.

As I said though, there are undoubtedly things to which we both agree. The Oneness of Allah, the fact that the Prophet Mohammed was his last Messenger, that after him, there would be no other messenger of Allah. And then things more related to the issue at hand. As I said earlier, I agree that suicide bombing is abhorrent.

Be that as it may, I probably hold the same similarities with MOST muslims. That's a given. We aren't a pack of monsters. Most people would be aware of that, those who aren't, simply need to meet some Muslims. Preferably not the ones who reside in East London. Perhaps not the best caliber of Muslim given that we generally have whacked out haricuts, walk like limping twats and drive cars with tinted windows rolled down with the volume boomed up. This alone is enough to intimidate any rational person and, given the kind of music they blare out, could be considered ear rape- a form of terrorism.

But forgive the average teenage boy in East London. And look to perhaps those of the Muslim faith who actually practice their religion actively and prioritize it above all else and you'll find them to be wonderful people.

I say this because it would appear that Dr. Qadri's speech is designed for two purposes. One, to ensure the world of non muslims that muslims are peace loving people. And secondly to remind the muslims that they are peace loving people.

Now, to point out some issues I have with his speech...
Firstly, is he wearing a gold watch? Just a question. It has a golden tinge to it, though the youtube video isn't very clear.

Ok, I've pointed that out, so I'll get to some of the points he made. I'd like to highlight his insistence of using democracy as a way to resolve issues in Pakistan. I am all for democracy, I like it, I think it's wonderful. But then, I feel the same about pre-marital sex. Because I am not a great Muslim.

I do however, take issue with a person who is a "great Muslim", making statements which contradict the teachings of Islam. If a person does something bad, that's one thing. But to do something bad under the banner of Islam, that's another. And that's the message he's promoting, in essence. Do not do bad acts-suicide bombing- under the banned of Islam. Contrastingly though, he promotes an ideology that contradicts Islamic teaching- democracy- under the pretense that it is Islamic.

Now I say this, for you non-muslims who may be reading, because of this firm principle I hold. Hold your blazing pitchforks, I don't dislike democracy...

If you follow a religion, like Islam for instance, and your God has given you a set way to go about your life, (to go about governing a state, for example) then those should be the principals you uphold beyond any others. If you're in a position where you preach about Islam, then surely you should preach about Islam exactly as it is, not change or adjust any of it to suit the rest of the world. That is religion. It is the word of God, be it Christianity, Hinduism, Judaism, Islam, each faith holds firm to the notion that the word of God is infallible.

Vis a vis, if Allah says there is a set way in which you should govern a state, have one leader, not elected by the general population through a vote but based on his Islamic knowledge and credentials as a trustworthy person, then that should be taken as the correct way. Regardless of how much better democracy may seem to people, FAITH means to trust in God and believe that we aren't omnipotent and his way is better, be it that we can see it or not.

The dear doctor goes on to explain what is lawful in war and when war is permissible in Islam.

But that's a whole other basket of eggs and it's like... 4.30 in the morning man! I'm not awake enough for this any more. Maybe some more tomorrow, or when I get the net back. Just to say though, this one was for you Mr. Fiesta driver... you've been asking for one for so long.

Now go do some work, you've had a long enough break!!