Saturday, 27 February 2010

The rising darkness

And so it is... At present, the calm before the torrential downpour. The calm, steady breath taken before the plunge. I had a feeling everything felt too good to be true.
The internet worked flawlessly today, fast efficiently. Woke up and the news was on the telly; my dad having his breakfast.
And then it happened... I wouldn't have realized it save for my desire to call up the CRB company to check what's taking them so long with my application form- 9 weeks now... Am I a criminal? Is it 'cause I is brown? Probably not, let's face it...
But that's all inconsequential now. As I dialled the number in, I waited. Nothing. No ringing, no message, nothing. I looked at the number I'd typed in.
Ah! I typed it IN wrong! Whoops. It ended with 811, not 911. So again, I typed it in, correctly this time.

And again, nothing.

Not even a dial tone. Why? Had I made another mistake? No, I double checked the number, everything was fine! Why?!
And then I realized. I fought hard against the idea, trying to think of all other possibilities but eventually, it came to be the only possible outcome. And panic, sheer panic, undiluted and deep down in the centre of my being, began to set in.

Virgin Media has begun to cut our services...

They begin with the phone line, effectively halting the easiest form of communication, cutting us off from the rest of the world. They then aim for the television, hitting where it hurts, the centre of our living room; the direction of all our furniture. And then... Finally, when we have but ONE... LAST... REPRIEVE!!! Our internet. Our friend, Our ally, Our lifeline... Just as we cling on to the little shreds we have left, the little reason they have left lingering within our grasp for us to carry on living....

Well, I felt I should say this now, before it gone for good. This is that moment. The insecurity. The knowing that ANY SECOND NOW... If I BLINK!!!!!! They could snatch it away! If I take too long to POST THIS!!!! They could take it......away....

And so begins the eleven day wait before our BT phone line. And THEN we order the new internet package.

Suffice to say, blogging will probably be on hold for a while... =(

Go... Enjoy your internet....

Friday, 26 February 2010

Interview with the Police

One thing I would advise doing against all costs is not preparing for an interview for a job you'd actually quite like to have.
Yesterday, my friend Kris asked what I was doing today and I replied that I wasn't sure. I asked what the date was today and realized that I have my interview for the role of a special constable for the Met. I've been putting off preparing for my interview for... Well, since I got the interview weeks and weeks ago. And last night I put more effort into finding a good suit- I did find a good suit by the way, it was dapper (Charcoal Grey/Brown coloured suit with a black shirt, brown tie with some weird embroidery on it, brown belt and brown shoes)- than I did into getting ready for the questions. In fact, I didn't put ANY effort into preparing for the questions. At all. Which was silly because I totally got bum raped by the questions today. To put a nice cherry on top of the bumming the questions gave me, one of the last questions was: What did you do in order to prepare yourself for the role of Special Constable?

HAH!? Seriously a bad, bad idea. But all in all, I'm not that upset about flopping this interview- I find out for sure in the next 2 weeks whether I get the job- I'm more upset about the whole timing of the thing.

Don't ASSUME! Just because you THINK you read the time to be one o'clock that the interview IS at one.
SERIOUSLY! When in doubt double check. Even when not in doubt, STILL double check because you PROBABLY, don't remember what time the interview is from reading an invitation a few weeks ago...

Because apart from being incredibly lucky and getting there bang on time by coincidence, one of two things will happen. You will either turn up ridiculously late, get turned away and end up having wasted your day or have your chances of getting the job severely damaged.

OR.... WORSE STILL!!! You'll turn up flipping TWO hours EARLY!!! On the OTHER side of LONDON! With NOTHING to do with your day!!! Goddamn! What a bloody nightmare THAT was today. Turned up at ONE for an interview for THREE! What the heck man?! That's TWO hours sleep just GONE!

ARGH!!! I'm angry. I had other stuff to say that was actually really funny but I've forgotten because I wasted TWO HOURS! TWO HOURS!!
TWO HOURS!!!! I realized as soon as I stepped out of Hendon Station, wait, maybe I should read some of the paper work they've provided me with.... TWO HOURS EARLY!!!!! I just sat in a Costa and met up with Kris again, but STILL!!! TWO HOURS OF SLEEP!!

And when I ended up going IN the centre at twenty to three, the receptionist woman goes: Well, you've come a little early haven't you? Perhaps you should go wait in the canteen for ten minutes...

Woman... You don't know the half of it....

But the popo are REALLY stringent about the people they let in. They asked me the town my mother and father were born in, the county and the country...  HAH! Azaad Kashmire?! You'll be lucky to get town mate...

Anyway, like I said, I'm done. It's a Friday night, go plan your weekends out! Ensure this blog is visited, my visitor numbers dropped to an all time low these past two days.... :\
Not happy.

Thursday, 25 February 2010

Name dropping

Some celebrities what we met the other night while being in the audience of some comedy program coming out in... April, I think.

Strange thing is that I didn't even KNOW who this guy was properly until AFTER I'd asked him to take a photo with me. Why I wanted a photo with him in the first place then, I don't know. ACTUALLY, a guy I was with, Abu, was really impressed by this guy, found him very funny and I TRIED getting his attention to have his photo taken, but he was busy posing with... someone else. As it stood, I'd already got this guy's attention so I thought, why not?

My mate Abdul got Gok Wan and this other dude who I've never been too keen on.
He wasn't any good on the night either.

I don't think it's fair that Abdul took his photo with Gok Wan. While sitting down being presented with each of the celebrities at the start of the night, Gok Wan was introduced and the crowd began wailing and clapping and all that. Abdul looks at me and asks: Who is that?
Admittedly, I was like that with the guy I took my picture with too, so no biggie there. I replied, Gok Wan, from "How to Look Good Naked" on the telly.

Abdul still had a bit of a confused face on, but I ignored it.

He nudged me again. "What's up?" I asked.

"Umm. Is that a guy or a girl?"

In all fairness, I think we may have ALL had that problem when we first came across Gok Wan.

Incidentally, on the night, on of the comedians said of Gok Wan: I'd never take fashion advice from a guy whose name is an anagram for "Go Wank"


Anyway, I reckon that's enough from me, go wash your hands... Ya Filthy Vermin!

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Giggity Pt 2- Public Lovin'

I will update this post in a bit. It's got to do with some song form Family Guy, sheesha, and a really sexually confused dude. Also might mention the time I witnessed something creepy at Pizza Hut. But for now, all I'll say is that from France, I've had a dude come to my blog after doing a Google search for "Star Wars Porn".

I'm confused. I feel... Impressed..?


So from this point on, I suppose since I'm waiting for my episode of Soul Eater to load, I might as well complete this Post. A few weeks ago I went out with a mate to a Sheesha place in Queensway. Yeah, that one. It's rubbish. So rubbish is it, in fact, and such an awful service do they provide, that a simple google search for the place gives you a website which allows members to give their own reviews of the place, and on this particular site, there's an ongoing discussion about this ONE dude that works there and how he interrogates women who go to the place. It's really shit. And the coal they put on the sheesha totally burns up the flavour in like, 5 minutes. Lame.

Anyway, for want of a better place, we ended up there and the two of us were looking for a nice, quiet atmosphere where we could catch up, recollect old times and just have a good time. This joint has a little turntable and deck and iPod dock so people can play their own music. And while I admit that MY choice in music would hardly EVER go down well in your average Sheesha place, the people who had control over the music deck-thingy had possibly the most sadistic taste in music. EVER.

So let me give you a quick run down of the events as they unfolded. Walk in. I make a snide comment on the danky-ness of the place we've just entered. Immediately, a guy from across the room tries to pick a fight with me. With ME! :O

Saying something about how he has good hearing which I mistook for, "something, something, earing"...
"No, I didn't say anything about your earing..."
"I SAID, I've got good hearing."
"Oh... Ok."

And well... then we had a little argument about how neither of us said anything about the other. Which set the REST of the day up for... well... being shit. It was clear that he'd done it because he was with his two boys and I was with a girl so he wanted to flutter his feathers about...

And these are the same group of guys who have control over the music deck. So here is their choice of music.
The bird, bird, bird is the word.

Haven't heard of the song? Here:

No, no, I'm not surprised you haven't heard of it.. It was only released in the FUCKING 60's!!!
So why these 20 somethings were playing it... ON REPEAT... I have NO clue... Oh but it gets worse..
While you're here though, let me tell you the FIRST time I heard it, I did grin a bit, it's a song that was played on Family Guy. Which MAY be the reason these twats had heard of the song. But the fact that the song was portrayed as being EAR-RAPE seemed to have kinda.... gone whoosh over their heads...

Here's the clip from Family Guy:

Funny right? But we ALL get that Peter is being a TWAT and we should NEVER, EVER try to emulate Peter Griffin. EVER! Oh, here's what Brian and Stewie do once Peter goes overboard with that song:

Ahh, classic stuff. Ahhhh.... to have done that to his iPhone...

Oh yeah, it gets worse. How much worse?


Three guys, sitting around, doing sheesha. Fine. Only, that is until one guy, gets SO moved by the song that he begins dancing to it. That's right, dancing, to Surfin' Bird.
I know what you're thinking. How does one dance to Surfin' Bird without looking like a fucking TWAT? I have the answer for you. One doesn't. There is no way you can dance to that song without the people looking at you thinking: Hang on, are we safe in this guy's presence? Will he try to sling some of his shit at us?

Oh and you think the story ends there don't you? Well I had to live it, so bear with me. He THEN... picks up a chair and begins simulating sex acts on the chair. And by now, we're on the 7th repeat of the song...
He's gone crazy on this thing, he's going to TOWN on this chair, if this chair was a woman... it would probably be dead. He's air licking it, playing with something between it's legs with his fingers while making out with it's imaginary head. He, at one point, drops backwards- and full credit to him being athletic enough to pull this off- holding his weight on one hand and lifting the chair above his body with the other does some weird sort of reverse cow-girl move on the chair.

And the lads he was with? Cheering him on.
Am I alone in thinking this is repressed homosexuality?! The owner of the place would come by occasionally and tell him to leave his chairs alone, so for the brief minute or two while we were getting out coal re(filled?) we had some sort of peace.

Then the guy would leave and we'd have to be put through the same crap all over again. Then one of his friends crossed the line. He said to the OTHER friend, while pointing to the performer friend:

"Oi, watch this, watch this bit, it's the best bit coming up"


The mother-fuckers REHEARSED this shit!? They fucking... stayed up one sleepover and in their pyjamas; they fucking choreographed this shit?!

Well from one act of COMPLETE gay-ness over to Pizza Hut.

A long, long time ago, I visited a Pizza Hut with some mates of mine. I was younger then and less aware of the world. So, naive as I was, I decided to use the toilets. Quick wee, who could get hurt? Dash in there and it's a pretty small toilet. Do my usual thing of surveying who else is in there; whether or not it would be appropriate to whistle while I... piss-le.
Two doors of the cubicles are wide open though one is closed. So fine, no whistling, it might put the guy off mid-whatever he's doing..
So there I am, buttons popped open, zip down, getting on with my business when all of a sudden from inside that cubical I hear a REALLY, REALLY deep grunt. Like... URGH! But the R was rolled. URRRGH!! with two exclamation marks. Not that it was loud... It was a dull, deep, grunt. Hmmm. This guy has a bad case of constipation. I don't think he knows I'm in here, so I just grin and carry on...

Until now, from that cubicle comes a shriek. I'm talking: "Oh my god, I've ripped something that shouldn't be ripped!" sort of yelp. Ok, maybe, so as to... you know not seem like some weird pervert, I decide to let him know of my presence... To stop him from being embarrassed. I just quietly clear my throat. Unfortunately, at exactly the same time, he let out another grunt, followed by a kind of sigh/pant... Nothing for it, this time I vocalised a cough.

"ErHEM", I sort of said...

Silence. I'd finished my stuff now and walking over to the sink, The guy in the cubicle suddenly starts to move around like crazy. I barely got to press the tap down when he bellowed: "Mother FUCKER".

YES I ran.
But in my defence he had a DEEP voice and I was, what? 14?? So I'm sat at my table with my friends, trying to look inconspicuous, like a person who didn't just rush out of the toilet so that this heavily constipated GIANT of a man ( He had a REALLY DEEP voice) wouldn't be able to pick me out from the crowd. But all the while I'm peering over to the door to the toilet to see the guy.
And after a couple of minutes... What do you know? A WENCH MASSIVE BURLY man swinging his arms from side to side as he manfully strode along, scanning the room; fortunately overlooking my table... This guy... was Scary, he eyes were bulging out, he looked menacing his head was shaven, his shoulders and neck were like one massive muscle thing. I'm GLAD I legged it, I would have been killed by this dude.

THEN... It got REALLY Scary.


Out came... a second dude from behind him. And no. There was only ONE cubicle in use, not two. And the two men left the resteraunt together...

Yes, I had witnessed a bumming taking place.

Ok, so... That's me for the night, I think I'll leave it at that!!
YOU guys... should go check out an art gallery or something. Check out the Tate Modern. National Gallery? British History Museum?

Ah, I'm kidding- all that stuff boring as hell unless you're 12. And the Tate's shit no matter what age you are.


I had a wicked night tonight and I want to tell you ALL about it but first I have a bone to pick with both Warburton, that's the  bread making company and my sister who purchased their product. After coming back home from aforementioned night out, I came home to dinner. There wasn't any roti fortunately, so I got to have bread. We only had bread, however, that was the size of a fucking... playing card! It was ridiculous {A 10 letter word I figured out from my crossword yesterday to solve: 9 across: Absurd (10) }they were absolutely TINY.

I don't know how many of you readers are from what backgrounds and cultures, but traditionally, Asian food such as roti is eaten with the hands, without any cutlery. And as my bread was my substitute for the roti, I had to try to rip off bite sized portions to fold food into. Which is hard when the whole slice of bread is hardly bite-sized in itself!!

So disgruntled was I that I decided to take a photograph of a slice to show you just how small it was. Though I had nothing to compare it with to show how small it was so I took it next to my face. And I took the photo on my phone which meant I'd have to download the software to make my computer compatible with my phone, install it, run it, find my phone cable, drag and drop the photos to my desktop, upload the photos to my blog AND explain the whole process so you knew JUST how much trouble I went through to take the photo- AND!!!!!

It's not even THAT big a deal, because I'm SO pissed off at the size of this bread that if there was no camera, I would have drawn you a picture to scale, brought up my scanner from the cellar, found it's cable from the cellar, downloaded it's software, installed it, scanned the photo, reduced the image size, uploaded the image and THEN written about all of THAT.

Fortunately, I have a camera though. Ok, let's pop this picture up...

Utterly... Outrageous. And no comments on the floral designed sheets. Or the face I'm pulling. ONLY comment on the toast and it's size. NOT anything that could hurt my feelings. You evil people.
I'm still actually waiting for the phone software to install, I haven't put the picture up, so chronologically speaking, I'm just typing about nothing at the moment. But by the time you're reading this, which, I suppose is... Now... Not the CURRENT now, but the... Now as you see it, not as I see it... AHHHHH I'm caught in a time loop hole!!!!!! Where am I!?!?

Ok, it's up now, everything is making more sense now. Let's never get metaphysical again and try to encroach onto the subject of time and space continuity...

So tonight me and a couple of mates went to a comedy shindig where a bunch of comedians let rip at Sharon Osbourne. It was really fun. Sharon Osbourne was there too and she was laughing along with all the mean comments so was all kosher, so to speak. Or halal. Though, no... probably not halal, by any stretch...
So the comedians included Jimmy Carr, Alan Carr, Jack Dee, Leigh Francis, Sharon Osbourne, and other's whose names I can't really remember.

They were all good.

Strange things that happened after the show: We met the comedians, got to take our photos with them, which was nice. Also, a mate of mine approached Chinco; oh yeah, he was there, singing and all... And Chinco greated him with: Asalaamualaykum...!
Which was strange.
But hey, cool.

What's NOT cool is that Abdul, who I've always been quite close with made THIS statement after the show, on our way home...

That Sharon Osbourne woman is Chung.


Now admittedly, he hasn't got the best vision in the world, we WERE some distance from the stage and she had recently had some plastic work done to her face. NONE THE LESS.... He was wearing his glasses, we weren't that FAR from the stage either and the plastic work wasn't a miracle. Just in case he hasn't already gone to jack off at some of her pictures and come to this shocking discovery himself, I'd just like to give a glimpse of Sharon Osbourne here:

Abdul, you sick, sick pervert.

Oh yeah, I had those bullet points to talk about from last time didn't I? It's a little bit long though. I recommend that you watch Soul Eater. My sister's friend's brother recommended that I watch it yesterday and now I'm hooked like mad...

Enjoy that.

And also... What will be our group film to watch THIS week? What movie should I post up that some of you will enjoy?? I dunno. I heard stuff back from some of you who watched Oh Brother Where Art Thou. Almost all of the people who got back to me liked it. Maybe... Now this is just a SUGGESTION... But.. you know... POST your comments in the section DESIGNED for comments!!!! :O :O :O :O


Anyway, go use some antiperspirant, but make sure it's the stuff that's "black dress friendly". Isn't it annoying when you go into boots, buy antiperspirant and take it home, use it, only to find that it leaves white marks?
I wouldn't know, it hasn't happened to me, but I've witnessed it. Twice. By the SAME person. Buying the SAME antiperspirant, from the SAME Boots on two completely different occasions.
Anyway, go do that now, I'm going to bed.

Monday, 22 February 2010

Pretty Old Guys

One thing about your dad driving an old danky Nissan Micra is that sometimes things go wrong with old danky cars. And with my dad, he needs to fix all this stuff himself. Oh not ALONE. No, no, he needs me to hand him tools. Which, let me tell you, is possibly the most infuriatingly annoying job in the world. I can't offer assistance. Nope, it's always, no, I'll do this alone, or.. move out of the way of the light... Fantastic, LIGHT is more useful than me. One thing that could contend with having to hand dad his tools is having to find the god-damn tools from the shed/cellar. I've just come from one of my dad's exploits with the damn car and let me tell you, my fingers are STILL rigid. I'm finding it hell to type!!! And I've only got an hour to finish this note before I need to go attend a library poetry reading for my sister. Which, let me tell you, is a very amount of time to finish one of these note, especially since my mind tends to wonde.....

Where was I?

Oh, ok. Yeah! Working with my dad! One of the most satisfying things happened recently where we were fixing the wing mirror of our Astra (a car I'm slightly less ashamed of) and I was doing my customary, walking around in circles holding tools in my hand wondering, Why am I doing this? Could a car seat not do an equally efficient job of holding stuff..? And my dad's tool breaks. And get's stuck in the door. He's wondering what to do and I suggest, "Why don't you SLAM the door really hard so it comes out?"

He gives me the biggest WTF? look I've ever experienced in my life. I bow my head and continue to serve my purpose of holding tools. He walks into the house to look for a tool to take the piece out. And while he's gone...

I fix the whole damn wing mirror. The WHOLE damn thing.


My dad's pretty old now, he needs to pack all this working in and just chillax.
Unlike this dude I saw on youtube. There was this video of a black guy and a white guy, both quite old, though the white guy was noticeably older, having an argument on a bus. I could post the video but I wanna write it out.
Black Guy: Why a black man gotta spit shine yo shoes?
White Guy: You offered!
B G: I didn't offer you SHIT!
W G: What did you say when you walked past me?
BG: I said, why a muva-fukin n***** gotta spit shine yo shoes?!
W G: It don't need to be a black guy! It could be a China man, I aint prejudice!
B G: Get the fuck out my site man! Go to the front of the bus!

At which point, the white guy, still standing up for himself and not backing down gets up and walks to the front, in an attempt, it would seem, to avoid any conflict.

Anyway, now that I got my opportunity to type out what they said, I'll post the video, check what the verbal fisticuffs lead to...

I'll leave you to make your own mind up about what transpired.One thing was flipping amazing though right? One aspect of the film that just makes you drop your jaw and replay it again and again. I'm referring to that beautiful girl in the purple leggings and the big headphones of course. More girls need to wear big headphones and purple leggings.

Ah, I watched the last 3 episodes of being human that I missed on iPlayer yesterday. How awesome was it?! Very. 


This song by Jefferson Airplane was played in one of the episodes. Somebody to Love. I remember that song.Good stuff.

There are three other things on my mind right now that I'll write about in my next post but I'll make a note of here so as not to forget next time. They are:
  • Israeli Secret service that murdered the Hammas guy in Dubai.
  • The airstrike in Pakistan which left 30 people dead.
  • And the BBC death list which essentially boils down to our TV broadcast being interrupted in Prince Charles or Harry die but not if someone like Gordon Brown or Barrack Obama were to die.
Actually, I've more or less covered them here haven't I?
Go do whatever you do.

Sunday, 21 February 2010

Oh Brother.

I'm doing the whole "Loads of space" thing again because I'm posting a video. But trust me, It's well worth it. 

Oh Brother, where art thou?

I re-watched that film last night. I'd seen it before but way back when I was in secondary school so I hardly understood what was going on at the time. It's a Really, really, really funny film, I'd recommend you watch it, George Clooney performs fantastically, as always. What's more, it's readily available to stream online so you criminals can access it easily. Notice how I exclude myself from that term, even though I did exactly the same thing. In fact, I'll give it to you. You can watch it... wait for it... RIGHT here.

Now I mean, how many blogs would do that for you? Scout the net for good movies and post them on the site. Oh GOD! I'm a facilitator!!!

Ah well, I'll live...
But I just realized that this could be something I do with the blog from now on. Once a week I'll post up a film I've enjoyed.

Is there any chance that you're reading this now? Or are you trapped into the movie? OR! Have you hit the Megavideo 72 minute cap? Ahhh, sux. Well, in the meantime, why don't you do some reading? Where are you? At the point where the two of the tumbled down a hill scuffling against one another? Yeah, classic part. Possibly the best part of the movie is coming up. Megavideo stopped for me there too yesterday. I streamed it from another video website but it seemed to take forever to load. HERE'S THE LINK IF YOU'D LIKE TO TRY YOUR LUCK. Perhaps my net was just sucky.. The film has a really good soundtrack too, don't you think? I downloaded that song: A man of constant sorrow. And that one that's about going down to the river to pray.

Ah good times.

What's new? Actually, my net's being choppy, I'll probably post something later. Enjoy the film dudes, let me know what you think!!

Saturday, 20 February 2010


New colour scheme and title picture. Good or bad? What do we say?
I admit that black was a little bit... Dark. Or do you prefer the old one?

Shine On

9 comments on the post titled Gross, well done guys. Though admittedly, 5 of them were me. Damn, only 4 comments?! Come ON! Although, it IS a start, so well done there.

On the tail of that abrupt last post urging you to listen to my friend's radio show, I feel I should elaborate. No, actually I don't. It was quite clear; if you have a free afternoon or he opportunity to listen to a radio show in the background to whatever you're doing, pop on that show- you can listen online if you're outside of Brighton- and listen to some music and some rambling.
Simple. My spell check doesn't have the word online in it. How quaint.

I was mentioned left right and centre on today's radio show, even got the best listener award =D. Not because I've had to sleep with one of them or anything. Or pay them. Or sleep with and then pay.


Of course not!

Ah, but seriously, I haven't. Ah, I can't get myself out of this mess can I? Crap... Let's move swiftly on to the next topic...

My Cat's New Diet!
Soomie's become rather rotund of late so we've had to implement a fat-cat's diet on his ever expanding derrière. Which means ignoring most of his incessent meows for food and when we do feed him, pouring only tiny amounts into his bowl. It was funny the first time I rationed the amount of food I poured in. As I pulled away after putting the food in, he leaned in to tuck in, stopped and looked up to me as if still expecting the food to be poured in.

I love House, the telly show featuring Hugh Laurie as an eccentric doctor. I could go on about it, but what I'll point out on this occasion is that it has a REALLY good soundtrack. On the most recent episode that aired in America... I think it was last week... The episode revolved around a backing character; Cuddy. Who is well fit... And back to the point: There was an awesome song at the end of the episode! I'll post it here:

So yeah, that's a pretty cool song. One of many I've discovered because of the awesome-ness of the House soundtrack. Scrubs also has some pretty cool songs.

One thing that's lame about getting songs from soundtracks is that often, you don't know who the artist is, and upon deiscovering what they look like you're a bit miffed. I mean take OK Go for example; having heard here it goes again, I decided to check out the music video.

AWESOME! In fact, check it out:

Sorry about the quality, EMI actually have their official one up on youtube but I couldn't embed it here. But aside from the fact that the video is cool, the guy's in it don't look like they belong in a band! Aside from the two skinny ones that do...

Who else? The flobots. I liked their music until I saw them... I guess I still like Handlebars, but not as much as before...

I own a Superdry jacket which I bought over a year ago. Since then, I've become a fan of the company, even joining their official Facebook page. Recently, they announced their parent company, Supergroup was planning to list on the London Stock exchange. A chance to own a bit of the Superdry company?! :O Like hell am I gonna miss a chance like that! So off I went to their site, and in haste began planning to buy shares! Until I caught myself and realized I know very, very little about shares. Recently, I've tried having a conversation with my dad about buying shares, he used to own shares and did well enough off of them to pay off his mortgage easily. Which has always impressed me. BUT, when I approached him with questions, he just laughed and said there were some thing's he wasn't willing to tell me :O :O :O

!!!!!!!! Wha?!

Unfortunately, no amount of questioning would get him to budge, he merely insisted I look to China...

Back to my Superdry tale, I decided to do a bit of reading into investing, learning about risk, noticing how EVERYone insisted that diversifying my portfolio was the only sensible thing to do, rather than just investing in ONE thing... Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

One particular site, which was really helpful had also been hacked. One page in particular was a pitch black screen with writing on it saying something along the lines of:

This site has been hacked.
One Turkish dude against the world.
This site has been hacked.
Be prepared to see this page all over the internet!
This is my stand against the world!

I kid you not. What a fu*&%*g bellend.

But please don't attack my blog.

Anyway, I'm done here, go enjoy your evening.

Brighton Radio's top talent....

My mate presents a radio show in Brighton, check it out!!
I'd embed it into my blog if I could. I'm working on it...
Saturdays at 2.
Lots of fun, swearing and loudness. Enjoy!

Thursday, 18 February 2010


I'm trying not to get disheartened by the lack of comments...

I mean I can see a lot of you people visit this site. I'm proud of the fact you visit from your universities, I'm proud that to date, there have been about a dozen people from Finland all clicking on my blog because they've done a Google search for free Apple iPads.

But come on. Really? 0 Comments?! After all this time? Take your fingers out people, get to some commenting. Especially you.

Yeah, you.

Ah, I'm getting loads of annoying pop ups man... You think you can sneak a quick peek at some dodgey niche porno without any ramifications and then BAM! Like a cyber strand of syphilis (Yes, my alliteration rocks) it pesters you till you pluck up the courage to do something about it, at which point it's already too late and the countless trojans, hacks and whatever else you've infested your computer with have all but eroded your Hardware. And yes, in this analogy, hardware is synonymous with man-meat?

Does syphilis erode your penis? Let's find out...

quick Google search for "effects of syphilis and we are promptly provided with a wiki page:

Ok, I regret searching for that.

There is a really gross picture of a scabby penis.

So yes, Syphilis DOES eat up your penis, No, you shouldn't do a random search for it as part of a humorous blog.

I need a moment to compose myself....

Dude, I'm getting myself checked out for syphilis. Those pictures looked gross. In fact, I encourage you to look at what syphilis can do to you. Don't have sex. At all. Never have sex. No matter how well you know your boyfriend/ girlfriend, no matter how much you love your husband or wife, don't risk it. Those effects are NOT worth it. Seriously, don't have sex. Don't even kiss, imagine you get mouth syphilis. It can happen. This guy's got a scab on his nose the size of his face...

Oh and would you look at this, the sport it affects most: Cricket! Although wiki goes on to say cricket shouldn't really be classified as a sport since it involves less physical activity than turning on a kettle...
Oh and those who study maths, PARTICULARLY... wiki's words, not mine... those who study Mathematics in London. In a CENTRALIZED location within London, within an institution which is named after a monarchistic title.... Like a KING...

And Asians.

So boy, there you have it.... Those studying Mathematics at a university with a name LIKE King and are Asian and ALSO happen to partake in standing around "playing" cricket... are 700 times more LIKELY to infect you with syphilis than anyone else.
Even more likely than someone who has been diagnosed with it.

Well, Wiki. Thanks for letting us know! Now THAT is some premium knowledge there...

Apparently men suffering from hereditary balding can't get syphilis. And are also - according to, not MY words... this is from a GENUINE website.... - And are also pretty darn cool...

Okay maybe that's not a genuine website. I dunno it could be, I just made it up. Why don't you type it into the address bar and find out? It'll give you an excuse to comment! Wooo!

I'm watching The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. And I'm eating my fish and chips, good stuff.

Edit: Don't watch Lord of the Rings: Return of the King while eating fish, especially the first scene, Gollom is eating a carp or something raw and it will easily put you off the food you've been drooling over preparing for the last half hour. So great, there goes my Cod and chips with a wedge of lemon, garlic bread and side helping of BOTH sweetcorn AND mushy peas, AND a generous helping of Ketchup and Mayo....

Ahh actually, just saying all that stuff made me hungry for it all over again, AND what's more! I have it right here in my lap!!! Hahahaha!

Okay, I'll leave you all alone to read this, I'm going to watch the rest of this ridiculously long film and end at a little past... 12? 1? I dunno...

Go join twitter to remind yourself that regardless of how crappy Facebook's new layout is, things can always be worse....

Monday, 15 February 2010

helpusobi 1

In my pursuit for a course to study some time in the future, I've come across one labelled "Discovering Architecture".

It is described in this way:
London is full of historical and modern buildings, many of great quality. These walks are intended to introduce you to the study of architecture in the broad sense: by looking at, walking around, possibly through, and even touching, actual buildings.

No frickin' WAY! :O
Who are they catering to?!
ACTUAL buildings, you can EVEN touch ACTUAL buildings!!

Ahhh, I'm still cracking up at that!

I can't type anything any more, my fingers are figiditing to get back at that god awful Star Wars game. There's a dude called.... Ah what's his name..?
Something Jones, who keeps laming on everyone. I need to get my grove back so I can school him. I feel like a veteran of this game. I was inches away from saying:

"Back in MY day, we used to not allow kicking in duels...."
Duels.... Damn man, this game is LAME... but SO damn addictive!!!!!

It pains me that this computer I've built with nothing but the best peripherals available at the time (save for the processor, which, ultimately is pretty damn good, was nonetheless a bit of a mistake- I should have gone for an Intel rather than an AMD... BUT!! And this is a biggie, Intel have their R&D department in Israel... So I did good) including a quad core processor, a graphics card with 1gig memory, 4 gig of RAM, a terabyte of hard disk space, loads of other stuff I don't want to go into.... all on what?! A game that was released a decade ago? When this sort of system performance wasn't even possible...


I'm frustrated, so I'm gonna load the game up and take my frustration out on some fat American fanboy. He knows who he is....

In the meantime, why don't you go ahead and comment some?

Those pesky videos

The videos were a little too wide for the layout of the blog, so I'm just posting this to shift them down.


Oh yeah! While you're scrolling down, what do you think of the new site layout? Pretty nice right? I'm still questioning the black backround, makes things seem... odd. I dunno.

Carry on scrolling...

.........And what about the title? I drew it on Facebook's Graffiti App! In fact there's a video in an older post, what do you think?

....I quite like the black. Don't give me your opinion on it, I won't listen to it.

Unless your opinion is that MY opinion is a good one. In which case, yeah, good stuff, keep thos opinions coming.

Oh LORD, I went shopping with an old mate the other day. Cool right, even went to H&M which I quite like. But we didn't even step into the men's section. No, we had to shop for an 8 year old girl. Not ONLY did we have to shop for an 8 year old girl, we had to shop for an 8 year old girl who's roughly the size of a 6 year old girl! Which meant picking something NICE for her was even tougher. I'm telling you, two dudes, walking around the kids section of H&M, and moreover, the GIRLS section of the kid's section of H&M... Can NEVER look heterosexual. Never ever! Quite easily stepping into the territory questionable intentions. Not at all cool. Anti-cool. Like... Swelteringly not cool.

To make thing's worse we were dressed REALLY well as well.
And we had to get her an Outfit, so we were there trying to match a pair of jeans with a shirt with a sort of cardigan layering the items ontop of each other, shaking our heads, running backwards and forwards. The whole scenario was incredibly emasculating.

OK! I'm done with making you scroll!
It's late, yes I know. And yes, it IS because I've been up all this time playing that god damn Star Wars game. Which I'm getting PRETTY good at... CTF, I kicked ass. FFA, pwned some noobies.

God! I need a LIFE!!!! :O

I reckon that's enough space for the videos to have been shifted lower than the sidebar...
But just in case, I'll type for one or two more lines.
Umm, so yeah, what's new?
My niece is around! It was sooo cute when she came home from the Tate Modern today and when asked, what did you see? She replied:

We saw pictures and sclulp-chas.

When asked to explain what a scupltrue was she looked puzzled for a moment then said:

They... are... shapes and... big and.... funny.


kuchi kuchi kuuuuu!!!

ENOUGH of this yakking, if the videos are still all out of whack then wait till I have something to AcTuaLLy talk about. I'm surprised if you managed to get all the way here without stopping. You must like me! You must REALLY like me!!! :O

Go burn some more hours of your life on some inconsequential happenings that will invariably end up being unimportant. I love you really.

Sunday, 14 February 2010

Graffiti on Facebook

Here's some graffiti I drew on Facebook. Some of the stuff people draw is amazing, I think I've improved some since I started.

So yeah, that's the original photo underneath. I think it's quite a good copy. Although admittedly, there are some AWESOME graffiti works that I can't even come close to comparing to. But those people suck.
I drew a picture for this blog! Wooo!

Check it, check it:

Again, I pretty much gave up towards the end. Well that and ALSO, my stupid computer/browser started slowing down after a while, which you might be able to tell through the fact that lines that were meant to be curved just registered as a bunch of straight lines. For example, the S...

I'm hungry now so I'm gonna scold myself for being tempted into eating.
Go enjoy an evening of free will.

Loco in akapoko, insane in the membrane

I am on the verge of being exceptionally late. But I have a lovable face so I'll be forgiven.
I just wanted to quickly point out- THREE separate Finnish people- from different PARTS of Finland, have typed in the phrase "We're giving away free Apple iPads" and have stumbled across my WONDERFUL blog.

I'm NOT giving any away dudes. But you lovable Finland-ers should totally stay on the blog, bookmark it, all that stuff because...

Just really. I don't know WHY people visit this blog actually. Is 'cause I'm purty?

"Tell me 'bout the rabbits George"

BAM! Right in the back of his noggin. Poor, poor, lovable, oafish Lenny. In our hearts and minds for ever. GONE, but never forgotten...

LOST, but always in our hearts.

Closer each day.
Home and away.

Sorry, I think I'm rambling because I accidently sprayed anti-perspirent straight up my nostril and I'm suffering from some sort of madness. I'll let you go.

Go eat a Zebra's hamstring, while walking a tightrope in You Nork.

Saturday, 13 February 2010

Memphis dude searches haiti porn gets looserballs

Unfortunately, my plan for having Megan Fox visit my site didn't work, Looserballs doesn't seem to come up if you type "Megan Fox types her name into google" Not even if you also type in Looserballs.
Good news though, "PORN FROM HAITI" is something you can type into google if you want to find my blog. Thank you, strange person who typed that into Google and then stumbled into my site. I hope you got off on it. Oooh, did it do it for ya? You like my sexy blog? Does it make you feel all warm and delicate on the inside??

Yeah it does...

Memphis Tennessee. Giving Ol' Jacky Daniel's place a bad name...

That's all I've got to say. I'm getting ready for tomorrow.
Go Boycott some Israeli products.

If Megan fox were to

Suppose Megan Fox, typed her own name into Facebook, that would be quite ordinary. And she'd be inundated with tonnes of website about her. BUT! Here's MY plan...
Let's say she takes it a step further and decides to type in:

Megan Fox types her name into Google....

Why then, what do you KNOW?! Looserballs?! Top of the results list?! Who would-a guessed? Let the budding romance begin.

No Megan, really, listen... I'm not in this just to get into your pants... Seriously, let's just be friends. Casual friends and see how this goes.
Just while I'm on the topic of Megan Fox (sorry Megan, I'd refer to you as... "You" But there ARE those pesky OTHER readers... Yeah, I know! LOL! {Private joke people...} I'll keep this short...) Here's a VIDEO of her; don't let my words decide how you feel, just, you know, use them as an example, a template even(?) of how you might vocalize your reaction to seeing Megan Fox in a bathtub.

Phwoar. Humm-a-na Humm-a-na Humm-a-na! Aaaarwooooooga! Aaaaarrwwoooooogaa! *Pant* *Pant* *slurp*







[....Rewatch the video....]

Phwoar. Humm-a-na Humm-a-na Humm-a-na! Aaaarwooooooga! Aaaaarrwwoooooogaa! *Pant* *Pant* *slurp*







[....Rewatch the video....]

HEAD! .... Phones...

I'm sorry... but DUDE!



O M G ! !

I... WANT.... THEM!!!!!!!!!


I am an overhead headphone fanatic. Well, not fanatic, I've seen some people be crazy about their headphones... I just really like them... Here are ones I already own.
Mah skull candies! God I loved these! They got me into the whole craze...
I also had these exact ones in blue too!
Oh FINE... I'll put the blue ones up too.....
Then came my WESC. Now... these.... Phwoar... Seriously... PHWOAR.
Come on... Come on....

Come on... Awesome.

Then sound quality came to be more important so I invested in some Bose. Even though they make you look like an alien when you wear them...

Just fantastic, really, just FAN-Tastic...

What else do I have to talk about? Nothin, I just came across these and thought, yeah... You people need to KNOW. Innit bladz... You manz gtta NO Lyk... 1 Tym!

:\ Go cook a Yorkshire pudding.

Friday, 12 February 2010

Don't tarnish your iPad by using it as a tampon. Or to read the Sun.

In fact use it as a tampon before you read the Sun on it...

The Sun.

Vile, venomous, repugnant, unintelligent and altogether, just unpleasant. I'm talking about the newspaper, if you were confusing it with the star. And if you were assuming I meant "son"... Well then you probably haven't gotten this far into the article due to the relatively large words that succeeded "The Sun". You are, most likely, a subscriber to The Sun Newspaper in fact...

You see, the Sun is... How can I put this...

Alright, you see the Sun... IT is to Journalism what Kanye West is to.... Celebrity. What it produces is fantastical, it's wonderful with its words, albeit that the words are used to incite hatred in antipathy among the portion of the populace that is stupid enough to subscribe to it's literature. And while Kanye's (we ARE on first name basis, me and him...) lyrics may not incite such animosity amongst his followers, his lyrics ARE pretty Flamboyant:

How he move in a room full of no's?
How he stay faithful in a room full of hoes?
Must be the Pharaohs, he in tune with his soul
So when he buried in a tomb full of gold.
Treasure, what's your pleasure?
Life is a, UH, dependin' how you dress her.

Not much of that made much sense to me but he SOUNDED very enthusiastic while he said it so I'm sure it's important to him. Which is what a lot of the Sun's stuff is. Total crap that's written with such conviction that... well people start thinking stupid thoughts.

I'm sorry to liken Kanye with the Sun, particularly since MOST of his lyrics are actually VERY positive considering the genre he's in.
But my point is... he represents the Sun perfectly in the sense that he's had to make like a gazillion retractions:

George Bush hates black people/ Beyonce deserved this award to name but two of his outlandish (though both quite valid) opinions.

I suppose Kanye should take a look at some of his lyrics and reflect some:

The DRAMA, people suing me.
I'm on TV, talking like it's just you and me.


Don't ever fix your lips like collagen,
And then say something where you gonna end up appologin'

Old folks talking about back in my day....
But homie this is MY day...

I LOVE that line. Those Two lines. So funny the way he says it!!!

I just got invited to join a group by a friend of mine on Facebook called: We're giving away free Apple iPads. And though the prospect of me getting a free iPad makes me jizz a little in my pants, I'm no fool. And the number of people who I've seen joining this page... Honestly. And here's some of the fantastic stuff they've done to try and prove that this is a real thing.

1) They've faked some testimonies.

They made a list of people who have commented and said, a bunch of stuff to make them seem happy, like OMG, the day is so wonderful, I'm getting an iPad! Thanks man!! So cool! Wow!. Here is the IMAGE of stuff people have "posted":

RIGHT off the bat: "Wow, this really works". They fell at the first hurdle really didn't they? How do you suppose old Deborah Clemmons knows that this works without, you know, getting an iPad. Especially since the iPad won't be available for another... month and a bit..?

2) As seen on...:

To validate their claim, they have insisted that this give away is affiliated with some "Real" companies. Unfortunately they've made a rookie mistake here too:

So... Microsoft are giving away iPads huh?

3)Underestimating their success.

In the info section, it says they're looking for 10,000 people to join the group and test iPads. It's clear they were assuming this was a big number since they go on to say... So feel free to invite your friends.

Dudes... the facebook page "2010, the year I became bored of snow"- that's right a facebook page that people join to show indifference- has garnered 209,830 fans in what can only be, at MOST, 2 months and a bit.
"Checking my headphones for the L & R" has over a hundred thousand members for flips sake!
So ten thousand slots huh? Damn, you're already at 12k.... What a shame, I was THIS close to joining..!

Do I have anything else to say?

No, I think that's it for today... Five a day, remember- fruits and veg. Chips do NOT count!!

Back to Bespin Streets I go to fight the evil sith in Star Wars. This game is taking over my life... o_O

Thursday, 11 February 2010

Firefox, Starwars porn and haitian scam artists.

It has come to my attention that an overwhelmingly large proportion of you use internet explorer and a tiny number of you use chrome. I'm not here to tell you to use chrome, I'm not using it myself. See I have a brain.

Use Mozilla Firefox!!!

Not that it's amazingly revolutionary, fast, customizable, intuitive, groundbreaking, fun, erotic, SENSUAL or anything. I'm just saying... Deleting your surfing history is a piece of cake ;)

And speaking of search history, I got a visitor to my blog today, who did a google search for something and came across my blog. What a magical google search he did. Or she. I dunno.

Probably a he though...

The person had typed into that INNOCENT little box on the google screen....

Porn using Plusnet.

I imagine a dude considering his options since his broadband contract is up for renewal. He's probably a disgruntled Virgin customer. And rather than you know... checking stuff like plusnet's speeds, customer services, download policies, data capping, etc etc. No. This guy goes straight to the important stuff...

See why it was probably a guy?
Because women don't deal with buying internet...

Come on, that made you at least scoff. It made ME laugh!!

Gah! What else has been happening? I don't know about you, but I'm starting to get junk mail from people claiming to be in Haiti now:

Dear sir, I have a million five hundred pounds but I am stuck under a tree in Haiti. Please let me wire it to your account. Give me your bank details. Thank you good sir!

HANG on a second! I can tell right there, even through the TEXT that that's a Nigerian Accent, you LIAR!

Come ON! I'm on FIRE!

Sorry if my jokes have offended any women or Nigerians. Sorry in particular if you are a Nigerian woman.
I've just been tagged as "Most likely to be Gay" in a picture on Facebook...
Sweet... Cherry on top of my day, right there.

I've been playing a star wars game recently. Jedi Knight 2, Jedi Outcast. I bought it... sheesh, like 8-9 years ago? A LOOONG time ago. And the online community is STILL going strong. What a crazy bunch of crazies. But seriously, a really addictive game. In fact...

I'm off to play it now. Comment please :)

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

My name's Usman and I'm a download-a-holic

When I get torrenting I can't seem to stop and it is for that reason that eventually my computer's get buggered. It's a shame, but I'm a download-a-holic...
At the moment I'm downloading...........

I just realized that I could be admitting to committing something that some people MIGHT consider as-but not necessarily correctly- a crime, so in the interest of one day becoming a gazzillionaire...

At the moment I'm downloading software that is fully licensed as freeware and am not expected to pay a penny for it. I am NOT torrenting an animation program called... I don't know... Toon Boom, which has a standard retail price of around $900. I'm downloading something COMPLETELY different that works in EXACTLY the same way. It's called Spoon Groom...

Anyway, now with all that legal mumbo jumbo out of the way... I'm downloading Toon Boom (ah crap, I've said it now... too late...) 7.6 and it LOOKS so good! God I hope this isn't some wank-y virus because I'm REALLY looking forward to using my graphics tablet after months of... not using it........

Just got Microsoft Office yesterday. Works really well. Did a favor for a mate and went over his third year dissertation on Resveratrol to check for grammatical errors. Every other word had a squiggly line under it. Because most of them were long scientific words. But also because it's Abdul; his English sucks.

Now I know what resveratrol is, which was one up side... of doing someone... elses... homework........


I've been had. Bastard...
Ok, so toon boom has finished downloading... Will it work???? Ah, I'm nervous! Here goes!!


It's extracting...31% 32% 33%....


Sorry, just wanted to say...
OK! So, it's extracted. Now to see what monsters are lurking inside the folder....

Double click Toon Boom folder
>>Double click Toon Boom Animate v7.6_Setup
>>Click Setup
>> Read message warning that you are running low on disk space
>> Begrudgingly delete two episodes of Supernatural
>> Empty the recycle bin
>> Realize you just downloaded half a gig of Microsoft Office and could have deleted that instead of two episodes of Supernatural
>> Kick yourself
>>Click Install Toon Boom Animate in the Dialogue Box

I'm to angry at myself to carry this blog post on anymore.


Monday, 8 February 2010


WHO would have guessed that doing a Google search for "iPad tampon Britain" would bring up this blog as the first result. Sweet.

Number 1 of about 667,000 results, no less.

Thank you student from Davidson college in North Carolina, my first university visit from the states.

What else is popping? Ah I'm listening to some songs by Usher. Good... God. He incorporates ordering Chinese food, taking out the garbage and walking the dog in his song "Trading places". Now don't assume that because he sings about these things, it's a song about trading places with... a random person with a dog who likes Chinese food. No, no, it's a love song.

He just seems to ramble in his songs. Like he's just vocalizing a stream of consciousness.

Here's a glimpse at his artistic wordplay:

First see the city skylights shining from my room,
You're such a sight to see in the month of June,
Beautiful like the moon...

No no no no no no no no no no no no no.
That can NOT be serious lyrics in a REAL song. WTF?!

Crazy dude. But I love "Love In This Club Part II".
Ahhh Beyonce.... Drool.

I liked Sherlock Holmes. But I'm biased on account of having a man-crush on Robert Downey Jr. since Iron Man. Oh how I want that suit. I've seen that film so many times it's just not a number I should ever confess to.

More than one digit though...

I went to the hospital today, which was, well... Going to the hospital is never great. So I was waiting for my mum to finish being scanned and I decided to read a booklet about the possibility of inheriting cancer.

You can't.

But you CAN inherit genes which make you more susceptible to getting cancer. But just because you may have a predisposition, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll get the big C. It varies from different types of cancer. For instance with breast cancer, women who inherit a particular type of gene have an 80% of developing cancer. Inversely though, those who inherit a particular type of gene that is related to (I THINK it's) pancreatic cancer, have a 10% likelihood of developing cancer themselves. Either way, the booklet said, if you have two close relatives from the same side of your family who have suffered from a similar type of cancer you should perhaps go get yourself checked for an inherited gene.

There are, however, only a limited number of cancer related genes that can be checked for. So not all cancers have genes that are related to their occurrence- or their genes have not yet been discovered.

I only got halfway through the surprisingly thick booklet before the Doc sent my mum back to me. And it was such a thick booklet it felt like stealing if I took it away with me. Instead I put it back and googled Macmillian, the company that published it. Good company, if you're a charitable person, consider donating to them, cancer is a disease suffered by as many as 1 in 3 people but it affects everyone. I'd give you the low down on them, but you can google the name yourself.

I got a new - :) Iron man has begun playing on my iPod (yeah, I downloaded the soundtrack, and what?!) - bicycle machine here. I used it properly for the first time yesterday. What a flipping awesome workout. I don't know if this is good, or if I'm out of shape, but I rode 15 kilometers in half an hour. So like, 30km an hour. It was well hard!

Work out you lazy retards! Don't use anemia as an excuse for your lazy-ness. You're not anemic. You're lazy, just like every other Asian. Get your heart rate up!

No, you're anemic, I'm joking, of course you are. In which case, you should try having some iron. Spinach. Oooh, know it all, you already know about Iron? Then try having your spinach with an orange since Vitamin C helps your body do something with Iron, which your retarded body can't seem to do naturally like the rest of ours! :-P
Or, tomatoes, which apparently have more Vitamin C than oranges. CrAzY stuff...

Enough advice form me, I started writing this like 4 hours ago and have just kept adding crap and I'm afraid my net is inches away from crapping out. Damn Virgin, just a few days left with these twats. Go do something new with yourself! Have a carrot! I have to now decide what to title this thing...

...shut up.

Sunday, 7 February 2010


I had a dream I could buy my way to Heaven,
When I woke I spent that on a necklace.
I told God I'd be back in a second
Man, it's so hard not to act reckless.

-KanYe West, Can't tell me nothin'.
Proof to all you Apple haters that the product of a crappy company or individual can still be quite good.

I'M an Apple HATER! Oh what a crazy identity crisis I'm going through! Apple SUX! Maybe this iPad will be good, chances are it wont. But by GOD do I want one...

I'm actually listening to Fall Out Boy now. What silly little lads they are singing about all manner of sad things such as how... wait, I'll quote them:

Baby seasons change but people don't
and I'll always be waiting in the back room.
I'm bored, but overcompensate
With headlines and flash, flash, flash photography.

In the backing throughout the song there's one of these dudes singing: We don't fight fair.

Well, given that they LOOK like this:
It's probably for the best they don't fight fair...

Lest the fight be rather short.

But I like their music, it's uplifting. And energetic and reminds me of youth. Ah to be 21....

So, what's new? I just assembled ANOTHER thing. I swear, this house is like D.I.Y central, I come here and it seems like there's been a flat-pack purchase from IKEA almost every week. Sheesh...

What ELSE is new? Not much, I went on a road trip with my dad yesterday. Oh lord. I've told you my dad's pretty opinionated in a previous post. My road trip was to Birmingham. From London, that's roughly a 3 hour round trip.
It was actually quite enjoyable though we picked up a cousin of mine about an hour into the journey so that gave my dad a guy to... bounce ideas off of. Oh yeah, my cousins are all like 40-50. My dad's older brother and sister are WAY older than him so each of them had their kids while my dad was practically an adolescent. So I was relegated from sitting shotgun to being a backseat tag-along. Which wouldn't have been so bad except the only reason I came along was because I wanted to keep my dad company on the three hour road trip since no one else wanted to go.

Okay, fine also because I wanted to pay respect to the family of some relative who passed away recently, BUT actually, if I'm perfectly honest, that's not really true. I didn't even know who the guy was.


But I did pay respect. I sat quietly in a room full of old people, none of whom I'd ever met in my abSOLuteLY ridiculously over patterned socks with aliens and spaceships drawn all over them. Under a suit. Not a good idea. But in my defense, I hadn't planned to take my shoes off.
Damn. But yeah, I did my duty, sat there, avoided eye contact, explained to these random people that I wasn't at university, nodded in sheepish agreement when they told me university was the way to do things, put my hands together every time someone new dropped in and made dua for the dead uncle all over again, did one of those AWKWARD hug handshakes you do whenever someone comes in... God I hate them... listened in on all the jilted conversation that the "grown ups" tried to make to cover up the fact that none of them actually really knew each other...:
"So I remember Birmingham , all the roads have changed!"
"Oh that's right, the roads, they have changed, remember that one particular road?"
"Remember it? I practically LIVED on it!"
"Me too! What a great road that road was!"
"I concur! Ah what a wonderful world this used to be"
"Couldn't have said it better, the good old days- ahhh"
...and so on. Obviously, this was all in Urdu.

And we only stayed for like 45 minutes!! Three hours there, three hours back... Urgh. Not cool man. Not cool.

Oh and the car journey. Dad and cousin talk about how the social and economic climate in Pakistan may result in a X, Y and Z. The bits I didn't drown out by the sound of my iPod were mundane to say the least.

China will take over the world according to my dad. Britain's seen it's better days he says. We're doomed here in the West. I heard that for the last hour of my journey home.

My rant's over. Forgive me, fall out boy music does that to me.

Carrying on from the saying how much I love particular celebrities. Mila Kunis. Who is hot. You may remember her as the hot chick in that 70s show. Or the hot chick in forgetting sarah marshall who isn't Kristen Bell. Or the voice of Meg in Family Guy. She plays video games.

Yet another hot thing in a girl is her capacity to play video games. Totally hot.

Enough of this blog, I'm off to eat some meaty goodness. Go look up Mila Kunis on youtube and see her talk about Halo and Max Payne and world of warcraft.

Friday, 5 February 2010

New Facebook. Again.

Facebook's new layout has me feeling a little dizzy, so I'm avoiding her. That's right, facebook's a chick. Why? Because she changes like, every half hour, she's all up in your face about everything, can't keep a secret and let's face it, want's ALL of your attention ALL of the time.

I love women. Facebook's just a needy one.

I like needy women too, ahh, look I've become all apologetic in case any of you ladies feel that I've offended you! Stop it! It was a GOOD joke, don't guilt me into killing her. That's right, my joke was a female. Why? Well, it looks good naked, was irrationally judgmental and carried on a little too long.

Oh no he dint!

Ah, enough of that topic, it could go on forever!
What's new? It's valentines day soon! I haven't done anything for Valentines for so long I can't even remember the date for sure. One annoying thing is that there's adverts for it EVERYWHERE! M&S need to be more considerate, when shitting out another one of their ad campaigns, of those people who AREN'T in relationships and don't want to be bombarded with crap. Crap crap full stop.

Grr. I played Tekken 6 on the PS3 the other day. What an absolutely FAN- wait for it- TASTIC game!! Honestly, I was mesmerized to the point where I delayed our plans to go out by a good hour. Fortunately, on this occasion I had the leeway to do so, it was my 21st and for some reason I've been treated quite kingly. Which was nice.

My brother bought me two things, one a set of cuff links which are just the snazzyest thing's I've seen. Can not wait to get a shirt for them. XD. And the second thing has been taken to a Royal Mail depot because the mailman couldn't wait long enough/ ring the bell enough times for someone to answer the door to pick up the parcel. Maybe it's a shirt? I dunno. I have to go pick it up from the depot. Which closes at 1pm. What the hell time is that to close something? That's around the times things should BEGIN opening! What kind of over-heads are they working with that they can only keep a depot open for like 4 hours a day!? I went today at ten past 1 and they'd already locked up, put the shutters down, turned the lights out.

TEN Minutes!!! What the hell?! They were sitting there ready to pounce on the lock or something. And it's not as if they could say they'd had a long day. FOUR HOURS!

Grrr. I hate the system. Which is the reason behind my downloading of stuff online. Not because I don't want to pay, but because I want to overturn the system and reset the paradigm.

Erm, so yeah, loads of DVD quality movies being torrented from fantastic website. Torrents FTW!! Fo shizzle.
I just downloaded the most perfect quality DVDRIP of Sherlock Holmes. Got me hungry for more. So right now I'm in the process of getting Fanboys. Kristen Bell is in it. As a girl who likes star wars. Seriously, anything better than that? A Girl. Who happens to be Kristen Bell. Who likes Star Wars?! Holy crap, that's like... Phwoar.

Here is Kristen Bell in all her glory.
Just Awesome.

I re-watched The Hangover while I was waiting for the latest episode of Supernatural to download today( Which only took like 15 minutes but Hangover just kept me watching) I just wanted to remind all of you who have watched it what a funny movie that was. How absolutely hilarious it was without delving into the precariously easy to nose dive into romantic comedy genre. In fact little attention was given to anything soppy, regardless of the fact that it was based around a dude getting married.

Funniest part? Would be difficult to decide but I've come away with one part in particular- when the fat guy with a beard can't pronounce the word retard.

LOL! I love it!

Anyway, I'm gonna work out where the notification section is in the new face-fook. You go work on your tan. Or something.

Wednesday, 3 February 2010


I haven't posted anything in a while.
Sorry, I did just turn 21, so I've been celebrating these past two days, milking all the freebies I can. Good times. So yeah, haven't had much time to just sit and write. And surprisingly, not much to type about has happened. I mean, my days have been eventful but I doubt you want me to go into detail as to what I did, that would make this blog and me quite egocentric... That is NOT what this blog is about. It's about you. You wonderful people, you. Which is why I write about stuff which you can relate to.

But back to me.

I've been on the end of many balding jokes these past two days. It's not cool man, I've only just turned 21 and already? I mean yeah, my hairlines been making it's way to the back of my head slowly (well, quicker than I'd like actually...) for the last 6 years. It's not there yet! I mean it's barely got off to a start! I've got an M shaped hairline. Like Vegita from Dragon Ball Z. Only I don't go blond if I scream loudly.
I've tried...

So anyway, I know I rant and rave about these crappy Facebook groups. I've found a good one. An actual, hand on heart, bearable Facebook Group which made me laugh when I read it because it's so true!

Saying "EA Sports it's in the game," along with the guy who says it.

So awesome. So, so awesome. I didn't join, the guy's culminated over 47,000 fans since December 30th. He doesn't need me to add to his Ego.

But what a clever group to make. Damn I hate that I didn't make it...

I was sleeping around a mates house last night. What a great evening we had. Actually, that's a lie- without going into too much detail (Mostly because I don't remember much of it) it' was a kinda crap evening...
Compounded by the fact the guys I went with called out my name, I didn't hear and only responded when I heard one of them say: Bald-man.


So anyway, It's late at night, like...4-5 when we get in, walking sideways, ears buzzing. This friend- let's call my friend... Kris. Kris has a messy bed. So Kris cleans the bed. I sleep. As I drift off, I think, I wonder what crazy stuff may or may not have happened in this bed I'm laying in. I think to myself- No, no, don't think. Don't think and everything will be fine, just go to sleep.

And I do. Cool.

I wake up, groggy as hell, get my clothes together to shower and as I pull the covers off from over me and as I do, this wrapper for a Durex play something or other flies out from under the covers.

Oh come on..........

I showered well.

Nah, but the hospitality I got was good.
Anyway, keep visiting the blog, comments please, let's get some more of you people talking, your blackberry has a keyboard on it for typing on. Those of you who visit on their BBs. Umm... iPhone? You probably shouldn't type too much on that lame screen, but do anyway.
And if you're on a computer with a full size keyboard, at home, at UEL, at Westminster University, using telewest, tiscalli, virgin media, BT, in fact- ANY isp, then you have NO excuse. COMMENTS!!!!! Sheesh...

I'm cold now and hungry, so I'm calling it a day here. Why don't you just click that comment button underneath, choose to not sign in, chose anonymous even, and then leave a message. Of love.
And then go eat some healthy food. Nuts are high in protein. Chow down.