Saturday, 12 June 2010

Turkish baths.

Firstly, let me say to babz who commented on my last post... Wanker.

Secondly, what awesome weather!! I just got home from the park after a kick about with a mate. I seem to have spazticated my foot. So i sat down in the bath and tried to do a sort of massage on it. Im not as good as the dude who gave me my turkish massage in turkey. More on that later. Im typing on my iPad. Im offended that it auto corrects iPad to get a capital p but doesn't give turkish a capital t. Lame. And racist. Let's try Jew. Oh look at that. Auto corrected. How about Israeli? Oh fan frickin tastic.!

But I love my little ipad baby, wouldn't let anything happen to it for the world. Speaking of which, only a fey hours till England (auto corrected) get their first world cup match! We've not done too well against the USA (auto corrected) the last two times we played them. A draw last time and we got defeated the time before. Now i bring up england as a segway into a rant about the daily mirror. An interview with Wayne rooney(not auto corrected) revealed that he intends to win the world cup for britains REAL heros. Our soldiers. Right. Well, Coupled with the actual likely hood that England get anywhere near winning the world cup, and that a fair few of the soldiers of Britain aren't even English vis a vis possibly not too keen on old rivals england winning... I don't see that promise meaning much.

Also, the darn racist evil, annoying, filth on paper daily mail held a ballot asking if "terrorist" Zakir Naik should be allowed to enter the uk(not auto corrected). WTF?!

I like Zakir Naik. He's special to me. And awesome clever.

I can't move my right foot at all. I think i might have possibly done more harm than good in my bath. I can wriggle my toes. But thats it. Damn. Those turkish baths. Let me start by saying, if you don't know me, I should tell you im hairy. But not where you'd think it ok. No in fact I'm also balding. The two don't go well together. So my body hair is kinda, well, it's all encompassing. Sadly. But I'm cool with it. So i decide, yeah, we're in turkey(not auto corrected), so we should have a turkish bath. Off we go. It's a nice building, the receptionist was actually from new Zealand she had a strong accent and looked oriental. So hot. Perhaps it was just hearing the accent and being able to speak normally rather than screaming at people to make them understand what i was trying to say. Oddly the baths are all underground, you have to walk down this steep set of stairs upon entering the building. We went for the premium service. Unfortunately none of the services, no matter how much you'd pay, would get you massaged by a woman. Unless your a woman.

One thing i didn't get was that women got to go into a private section where no one saw anything but guys got undressed, wrapped themselves into towels and had to walk right past the entrance in the midst of women at reception. Which is embarrassing when there are many fit women along with the fit new zealander(not auto corrected). So inn we go into the men only section, and boy. Boy oh boy. So much heat it's hard to breathe. It was amazing. You begin sweating out from all over in the minute. I think i lost a few pounds. It was a little weird at first going with my brother in law but in retrospect, i think you really need to do that whole thing with someone with you who you can talk to. I imagine it would be a whole lot more embarrassing alone.

Then we were ushered into a different room where we were washed. Scrubed would be a better word. Vigourously. There was much scrubbing. And a little bit of massaging. Then again dragged out into another room where we were sat by a faucet and our heads were washed and shampooed. Finally we were brought to the massage rooms where we were placed on bed and given a full body massage. The guy massaging me did all sorts of weird things that made odd parts of my body move. On a side note me and my brother in law had bee nodding this phone jacker impersonation where half way rough talking to a person we'd start making a strange noise that, in spelling would look something like 'peww'. So here i am, head down getting massaged next to my brother in law and i get the funny idea of doing it. So this dude massaging me hears me make this odd noise and it's clear he's confused because he stops for a second. I begin giggling and know my brother in law is too. I try for a second time but as im doing it, my massues isn't having any of it and digs is hand into my leg hard and my peww comes out as more of a 'pee-argh ah ah ah!!'

And later as he massaging my front he starts tugging at parts of my body hair and saying what's this? So so mean.

And the massage ends. He asks how it was. I say great and thank him, explaining I'm feeling all kinds of limber now. He says, 'wait till tomorrow, you'll feel like...' and pauses trying to think of a super hero.


The dude at work talking about implants at work was at it again. I think if i ever, ever, ever decide to get it done, I'd ask if they can take hair from my body. Kill two birds with one hairy stone...

My dad was taking pictures in turkey and after my constant nagging got me in some of them. He said though, why go to a country like turkey full of historical buildings and take pictures of yourself? I said, hang on, that's what you're MEANT to do. If you just wanted pictures of turkey, you could just google earth it!
Anyway, we took this one and i reckon it's a good compromise on both our parts.

Anyway, I'm done. Comment, I like hearing from you!

1 comment:

  1. Mohammed Hossain12 June 2010 at 23:46

    Please can you not expose my profession on blogger next time? Its not too much to ask you know!

    Stick to a computer for spelling and punctuation. :D