Sunday, 15 November 2009


Wohooo! I gots SEVEN followers! I don't like the term followers, it makes me seem like I'm some sort of dictator that's forcing you to follow me or some sort of idealist leading you people to some goal. That's totally the opposite of what this shambollic excuse for a blog is. No order, no coordination I dont even know what the next word I'm going to type is! Platterpuss.

And I'm still thinking about what the title of this blog should be! Who knows?? Well you do, chronologically that would have come first. Or you could just glance up to see what it is. Unless... I call title the blog THIS-> *gives blog its title*

Ahaha, there, now NO one will read it! Until I instruct you to. Ok now you can.

Now, moving onto a topic EQUALLY as redundant as the title of this blog, let's talk about my hair.

No. Let's not. It's THAT redundant.

I came across a rant from a guy who works at a game shop. It was funny and I felt like I could relate to a lot of his annoyances having worked at o2.

But I'll try to keep my rant original.

10 Things I hated about working at o2:

10. Pakis.
No not the Pakistani people who would visit me. Not Pakistani people in general I have a feeling of irrelevance towards them, they simply exist. I look beyond race or nationality.
No, I mean people that, as it happens were ALL Pakistani, and I hadn't really spoken to on average for the best part of 3 or 4 years, who would probably NOT say hello to me if they saw me on a street. These people suddenly saw me as a long lost friend and asked how much discount I could swindle for them. Now I'm not averse to giving people discounts, hell I had like 20 people I could give my discount to and I couldn't care less who took it- well that's a lie- none of those bastards got one, I made damn sure of THAT. At the risk of sounding like a Scrooge, I think I ended up using only 5 of those discounts.

9. Business Customers.
These fudgers can be a double sided sword. On one hand, they can know EXACTLY what they want, hand it all on a plate to you and quick and simple you process their request. Great. Other times, they know EXACTLY what they want, hand it on a plate to you BUT what they want is something like this:

7 handsets, around a thousand minutes, unlimited texts? Yeah why not, umm, the intermail thing... And how about free video calls? Nice. OK. So I'll pay you about £5 a month and I get the handsets free right?


And then they EVENTUALLY warm to the fact that o2 itself is a business and not a NPO, in fact, it;s the very opposite of an NPO, it's a bloodthirsty money hungry bitch of a corporate machine that swallows anything and everything that may get in the way of it's aims of... whatever. And like I said, once they warm to a nice price plan, they sit down, give answers to the credit check. Then FAIL. You think it's frustrating for YOU to fail a credit check? Imagine what it's like for ME when I have to pretend not to want to laugh at the fact that you, a company director, failed to take out on credit, a phone that I, a blue collar employee have in my pocket.

8. Revolutionaries who oppose "the system".

There are people who would come into the shop, expect a free mobile and all the minutes you could fit in a calender and the texts you could fit into the old testament yet be aghast that I might need to ask them their address.

Why do you want THAT?

Err, you're taking a phone away, we need details so you can pay us monthly.

Okay fine.

And then the card number.

You need my card number? AND the start date? AND the security number?! AND THE ISSUE NUMBER?!?!
They should have people sit an IQ test before they sit a Credit check.

7. People who want a My Phone.

My mate got this My Phone from you, she said it's only on o2..?


And these people are the kind of twats who would get offended if the wind blew their hair. How do you say respectfully:

"Yeah, well it's not ACTUALLY called a my Phone, that's just retarded it's called an iPhone. You're not very bright are you? Did you read the push sign on our front door or did you just bash into it and hope for the best?"

7. People who no longer like their my Phone.

My myPhone isn't working like my old Blackberry.
Well, that's because it isn't one. And it sucks that you don't get along with it like you used to with your old phone. Unfortunately, if it's been more than 7 days, oops it has, then you can only return it if it's faulty, which it isn't. Enjoy the next 18 months of your contractually bound relationship with o2.
Or in other words:
Fack off, the seven day returns policy is over.

6. People who's myPhone is mysteriously faulty after they tried to return it the other day.

Does this one need an explanation? No.

5. o2.
As a company, o2 is pretty shitty. I hate it. And that's not only because the pay is shit, the hours are worse and the perks are virtually non-existent, it's also got to do with the fact that the support network is shoddy, the commission has been phased out, the responsibilities are stupid and many other things that just DON'T spring to mind at 12.45 in the morning- at night- whatever.

I'm not gonna carry on. Well done guy for thinking up 10 whole things, I would much rather go to bed. I guess I just can't rant like I used to... Night.


  1. Mr. Fiesta-tastic16 November 2009 at 08:29

    This is a comment on Usman's blog post (not blog) entitled "DO NOT READ THIS TITLE"

    I thought its called an iPhone? Did you read the push sign on the front door or did you just bash into it and hope for the best?

    And where are the other 5?

  2. Tut tut Man, don't you need a little math for what you do? There;s only FOUR left... Terrible. And I stayed in character calling it a myPhone. I was too tired to finish it off.

  3. Must have been way past your bed time =)
    I think you’ll find there’s only 3 left. You did two 7’s...
    Look into the deepest darkest corners of your heart, I’m sure you’ll conjure up 3 more =)

  4. Mr. Fiesta-tastic16 November 2009 at 20:15

    (Hangs head in shame) So should you Mr. "I call it math now, maths is sooooooooooo Brit-hish"

    And what exactly is it I do?

  5. Mr. Fiesta-tastic17 November 2009 at 18:06

    Oi! Why you revealing my private life on your public blog?