Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Google me baby!

*Give a little bit* By Supertramp

Wohoo! If you google Losserballs my blog comes up! Woot Patoot!

Whoopdi DOOOO!!!!

No really, I'm happy about this. I also found out that you can google my name and see my facebook photo. This, I'm not happy about. Chiefs.

But yeah, my blog is lovely isn't it!? Yes, yes it is.

Tomorrow I have got relatives coming over to my house and I'm desperately trying to find an excuse to get the HECK out of the house!
It's times like this I wish I was at uni so I could use it as an excuse to just leave the house. Not that I can't walk out of my house for whatever reason I choose. What am I? An Asian girl? HAH!
But still, I'd feel bad to leave without even a half baked excuse...
Though I'd feel worse sitting in a room with 4 Pakistani adults discussing the issues they tend to discuss. America, Afghanistan, War. Yes, I would appear to be highly opinionated on these things myself.... BUT!!! These are people who actually think they know what they're talking about! What do you say to a guy who says:

Yes, the Afghans pretend to hate the Taliban on the TV, but they're really just pretending to make the white people happy...

A quote from my dad. About 20 minutes ago...
Errr, yeah, your right dad, that's true.. hmmm.
And nod.
Convincingly. And try not to allow your eye to twitch...

Man, the work in the kitchen doesn't seem to end, though at least those relatives give us an excuse to stop working for a day. The guy coming over is FLIPPING opinionated though, so I can expect the day to be filled with questions on why we chose a particular floor type, or a particular cupboard door.

ARGH! I don't want to bump into these people tomorrow. It's decided, I'll pop a pen in my eye and hurry off to A&E tomorrow morning!
Or, just you know, a less integral part to one of my five senses. Like, maybe my toe. On my left foot.

*Times like these* Foo Fighters.

I've begun reading "The dark Knight Returns". It's a batman graphic novel. Wicked. Wicki wicki to the wild wild west. THAT wicked.

On the topic of me being socially retarded...

I tried commenting on one of my old friends walls today, a guy who I used to know in Secondary school. This guy is the kind of guy who might... spend a lot of his time outside chicken and chip shops, shave patterns in his head... you know... walk with limp, talk in a silly kind of way, Spike only the middle portion of his hair.. Really silly things.

Anyway, I TRIED to comment on his wall and aside from relaying facts, I found it IMPOSSIBLE to convey any sort of emotion aside from LOL, which is quite a generic and universally accepted method to convey laughter online. (People who SAY L O L in real life to demonstrate they find something funny need to be... pinned to a tree.)

But you see, when I want to try to convey an emotion, an opinion, some sort of IDEA on the internet, I would articulate it in a manner that would loosely be described as... writing it in English. The problem lied in the fact that it would seem completely out of place among his peers who seem to write in... well... I can't describe it accurately so I'll just give you a few examples:

Random guy #1: blad im at ur yard using ur laptop i found some private folders btw.... were isit mana gna play dat

Now I can decipher this one after running some tests and going over it a few times, referring to a few shady individuals and cross referencing their answers with

Random guy #1 ACTUALLY said... Mister, I am at your home, using your laptop and I have found some private folders (by the way). Where is it? (Here's the tricky part) I'm going to play that.

Note mana translates into man are which in turn can be used to mean I am. Fascinating. Let's move on...

In response to this message, Friend responds with

Pusio get off that laptop n its in ma bag

This confused me. No, Random Guy #1 is not called Pusio, which stunned me at first. No, this message means:

You Vaginal Cavity, stop using my laptop and its (a game) in my bag.

Like me, you may have been dumbfounded at the fact the letter Y in the word My was not only dropped but bizarrely replaced with an A. As if this abbreviates the word in some sense. It doesn't. It makes it... Hip.

Another random person comments, to which my old friend replies:

Supreme u knw dt 1 init..sainsburys on MY ROAD 8am ting!! Wts ur ps3 tag

Shall I give you a few moments to try and work this one out on your own? OK then...

Right. So, this is special in that, a word with more than 2 syllables and 5 letters was used. Very rare indeed.

So this translates into:

Splendid! You too are aware of this merry set of circumstances are you not? Sainsburys, on MY ROAD! I was so moved by this that I went at 8 in the morning! What is your ps3 tag?

I'll admit that this last one made me dizzy and I had to ask someone else to work out the meaning.

Equally as baffling is Random Guy #1's next comment:


Which can be, when cross referenced with a few ancient dialects throughout the east Asian subcontinent, made to mean:

Oi, are we/ we are set to meet one another today.
And (Oh my god) if people see what I'm seeing on this laptop, (Laugh out loud) you have been caught red handed you silly wally you.

So my comment which would have been something along the lines of:

Oh really, you found call of duty for only 26 pounds? Wow, that's really good value? Where did you come across that? It's been a while since we chatted, get in touch mate.

Notice the lack of swearing, the inclusion of punctuation, the fact that my font was different and not coloured RED. OK fine, I edited the font and colour myself, but still.

Mine looks like a C.I.A dossier. In bold.

But aside from that, I'm not sure if this old friend would actually bother reading this..
He'd probably assume it's REAL English and thus something he reads enough of during his time at university. Why waste time on it where he doesn't need to. Well I've got news for you old buddy, old chap... You're SHORT!

And I bid you farewell as *She's so Lovely* by Scouting for girls begins playing.


  1. roflmfao. das bare jokes!!

  2. Why don’t you just put your opinion across? I reckon you could do with a good debate since you’re not getting much action on here!
    Mr Mirza, u have true swagger :P
    Made me smile, keep it up! =)

  3. I'm getting plenty of action! Sheesh... :\