Thursday, 29 October 2009

Kakashi for Hokage!

"Rasengan!" Shouted Naruto as he flew out from a cloud of smoke with such speed that it took Sasuke by complete surprise. Naruto kept low, grabbing at the earth with his free hand like a fox hurdling through the barren expanse. The gap between them closed in a flash and Naruto's Rasengan smacked Sasuke right in the bollocks.

From the distance Sakura writhed in agony and as she witnessed Sasuke's shorts shred off to reveal a tiny member which in turn ripped into tiny scraps of skin behind the force of Naruto's Rasengan; she screamed: "Sasuke!"

Her dreams of fathering Sasuke's child vanished with that fatal blow. Which was just as well really, because Sakura is a cold hearted bitch who's womb- a black vortex of dead creatures and bile encased in a viney, thorny membrane- would be no place to nurture a child. No, instead Sakura would grow old and bitter, her role relegated from a cannon character into little more than an occasional filler role. Fortunately for her though, her irregular appearances would do good for her popularity, though onlyunti lher next filler role (which sadly in Naruto occurs far too frequently) since after a scene or two, it would be blatantly apparent how arbitrary her role in Naruto is..

Though back to the fight scene, as Sasuke began to spew his stomache acid and blood from his mouth, Naruto looked down at him sadly. "Was this twat the guy I looked up to in so many of the beginning chapters of this manga? Was I really looking for him ever since the Orochimaru arc? Was this duche ever stronger than me? Believe it?" All thoughts running through his head.

Being a bit ditsy though, Naruto had forgotten that he had a Rasengan in his hand and as he moved to adjust his ninja plated headband, as he so frequently does, he shaved off his own head, killing himself instantly. This released the demon fox from his neck.

But it was a tight squeeze for the poor kyuubi who had to squeeze his whole body out of Naruto's bloody jugular. This was no easy feat but through biting and gnawing and ripping at naruto's severed neck he eventually created a cravass big enough to wedge his head out of.

Unfortunately that was as far as the willy Kyuubi got as the neck was just TOO small for the rest of his body. He had to carry on for the rest of his life in the body of a pre-adolescent boy with the head of a gigantic fox.

Fortunatly, the people of Konoha were not too unlike Naruto- in that they were all more or less moronic enough to scratch their heads while holding an Rasengan in their hands- so they assumed that since the demon fox was wearing Naruto's customary Orange and black outfit, that it was Naruto in the outfit. Who just went a bit excessive with the face paint.


With the Naruto sheesh...
I'm just a little annoyed that that shit goes on and on and on forever without any real plot progression. Although the few times it DOES progress is through some sort of Deus Ex Machina schemed thing where the Hero or Villain suddenly gets some mystical power from out of nowhere.

But Kakashi's Mangekyu Sharingan looks awesome. Even awesome-er than Madara's. Even though it's not.

All of this typing has got me hungry for something.

1 comment:

  1. lol if u wrote that from scratch, ur amazing, and I’m not even into Naruto, not that I’ve given it a chance.. yet.. =)
    Keep it up!