Thursday, 11 March 2010

Drunken Madness!!

Ah! Internet! And on a laptop too! Flipping hell this feels great! Although it's BLOODY slow (mobile broadband... what you gonna do, huh?) it's a hell of a lot better than what I've had to make do with of late...

The w890i. Not a phone designed primarily for internet use. In fact the w stands for walkman. It's from THAT era...

Dear God...

I took my sister's iPhone without asking. When she wanted it back, she angrily took it away from me. Unfortunately my blog was still logged on. So she wrote a post in which she pretended to be me. The post consisted mainly of "Me" saying Why am I such a thief?

I take this opportunity to say, you're a muppet, Aapie.

I was on the bus home from an evening of Sheesha with some mates tonight. Sat at the back on the bus, trying to connect to Facebook on that crappy thing, when two fat drunk girls came blundering across the passage way towards me. They inspected me, one on the phone to her boyfriend, one emptying the contents of a can of Boost rather ineloquently into her gaping mouth. I tried to pay them as little notice as I could though they were blaring at one another and the boy unfortunate enough to be a significant other to one of these girls.

"Why you got me on loudspeaker" the slightly fatter one said into her phone.
The other one chirped in something too though my frustration at my phone had more of my attention at this point.

A moment later, the one on the phone leans over to her friend and says:
"Listen to his laugh" while trying to hold back a giggle.
She puts her phone on loudspeaker too and begins to say:
"Hey listen to this joke,"
The bloke waits for a joke.

It's at this point the girl realizes she has no joke to say.
"She falters, looks back at me to see if I've registered her stupidity; I politely smile. Her friend looks at me also.

"What do you call a muslim with no home?"

Seriously?! In some sort of knee jerk reaction she's insulting my faith now..

Well, I don't know how this is an insult... Since the punch line she slurs out of her flabber encrusted face is "Ali".

I'm more confused than insulted at this point and when she turns around to look at me, her face somehow grotesquely contorted into some sort of mischievous grin, I simply stare blankly at her.

I reiterate, both girls DID appear quite drunk (though both were only drinking Boost, a non alcoholic beverage boasting it's ability to stimulate and energize- though each of these girls had more than enough fuel in their fat arses to live off for... well a long time) and for this reason I'm assuming she wasn't aware immediately how offensive she'd POSSIBLY been. She was actually, just pretty dumb.

When the joke didn't get a laugh from her boyfriend- thus making her venture to make fun of his laugh an epic fail- she went into some sort of apologetic over-drive where she explained that her Mozlim boyfriend told her the joke. Her friend, also explained that she had TWO mozlim boyfriends and another guy who was a mozlim that she broke up with today... And they all loved the joke..

So the joke was okay.

Only... Damn it was funny to watch them squirm in their own idiocy.

I came across a perfect term to describe what they did. It's called self-defication. look it up on urban dictionary.

Ah, I have to get back into the swing of this, I really don't think I can go on typing anymore. So I'll leave it at this for now. BT come over tomorrow to install our landline. Though the last three times we've had them try to come over they've ended up sending their engineers to a completely different part of London. Which is so lame. Invest in Tom Toms! Or Google Maps, for flips sake!

Okay, I'm done!! Go straighten your hair, put on your foundation, moisturize, take care of your lips, put on that bra that makes you feel like a lady and make sure you've got all your books in your bag.


  1. It is because of Tom Toms and it is because of Google Maps and it is because of sat-nav that people get lost. Its blind following of some stupid woman that does not know where she is going so tries to take you on the longer route and keeps screaming "observe speed limit". I mean, what the hell is a speed limit?

  2. HAHA thats afunny story. You do get the joke now right? I think she is trying to insinuate that all muslims are called Ali... Talking about bad jokes:
    A bear walks into a bar and the barmen asks what can I get you. THe bear hesitates for quite a while and then says "i'll have a Heineken". The barmen responds "what with the big pause"! Har har har.