Thank you person using plusnet broadband. You keep visiting my site; practically hourly, if not more frequently. Who are you? It say's you're in Milton Keynes but the map tool of this site I'm using is kinda crappy so you could be... ANYWHERE for all I know. I do know you're using Plusnet broadband though. And probably running XP, using internet explorer (seriously, make the move to Mozilla- So much better!) And that's it!
Scared you off? No, you're brave, you'll be FINE!
Oh dear, LORD! My contract with Virgin Media has finally come to an end! I called them up expecting some annoying Indian Peter to tell me- I can be annoyed at Indian call centers without worrying about seeming racist or offensive, I'm brown colored- that he can provide me with "hundred percent better deal sir". But no, Virgin pull out at all the stops with their retention team. Glasgow, it seemed. Wonderful, friendly accents. But the people weren't THAT great at convincing me to stay. They seemed quite dispirited and beaten. I got the impression they were all coffee stained and slumped into their booths- I called twice you see.
So the first time I called, I was told that if I wanted to keep my telephone number, I'd just have to cancel the broadband and telly and when moving to BT, they would do the transferal on my part. Simple. But the lady asked why I wanted to leave.
Well you hooked me in with this awesome deal saving me money left right and center but the bills came progressively more and more expensive, to the point where I'm often spending in the region of a hundred pounds on this package. So I just want to pay less. Plus your internet is slow and your telly channels are crap.
Oh, well what other channels do you want?
Sky sports, sky movies.
We can give you that, you'd only be paying an extra & pounds a month.
But I just told you my bills are ALREADY too high...
Well, if you want these kinds of packages, they're going to be high anywhere, plus you won't get the same sort of internet that you get with us with anyone else...
But I already told you my internet is crappy. I pay for a 20 meg service and every speed test I've EVER done shows I get like... 5 meg.
You said you were thinking of moving to BT? Our site shows they'll only be able to give you 512kb internet, that's half a meg.
I KNOW... what half a meg is.......
And no, I've done speed checks myself, I'd get an average of 12meg, and my site was ofcom regulated. Just cancel my package please.
Are you sure you don't want to take a little more time to reconsider and perhaps call back in a few days?
Fine. Grumble Grumble.
And then we decided that even the phone line Virgin gave us was so fucked up that we'd rather get a new one altogether. We keep getting market researchers calling us up asking for Janice Acheebu. Not cool man. Not cool. Compounded by the fact that we were WITH Virgin a year ago, and we moved to another Virgin package, just this time under my name instead of my dad's and they refused to let us keep our phone number. The phone number we had for like... 15 years!!
So I call back a second time, this time talking to a dude who again tries to ask why I want to cancel our Virgin contract. By this point I'm no longer even going to let him TRY and offer me a pitch:
Well, I pay too much, considering I was under the assumption I was going to pay LESS for getting a bundle of all three packages. I had to pay for this router you guys gave me that I didn't even want, haven;t even used. I also had to pay about 10 pounds for it to be delivered to my house. Which involved a guy leaving it unattended in front of my doorstep. I then had 4 months of internet well below a Meg when I was paying for 20. O2, the company I want to move to offer me 20meg broadband for 15 pounds a month; yours costs more than 30 a month. I like British call centers and your customer service centers are all based in India. The phone line you gave us was recycled from someone who was signed up for all sorts of market research companies. I Can't call 0845 numbers because you'll charge me extra for them even though BT offer them for free. Also the fact that a lot of your own numbers are 0845 numbers and your customers would have to PAY to contact you on them. The television package you gave us is kind of rubbish, no decent channels, we want sky because of all the packages, it's system is just a whole lot easier to use than yours and... Again, good channels.
And I pay too much for my bills.
Right, I'll just put this cancellation through for you then sir, one moment please.
And that was that. Grrr, I hate Virgin Media. Every Richard Branson owned thing sucks. Anyway, what else? Oh yeah, anonymous Plusnet user, infact ALL people using Plusnet internet, tell me who you are, how I know you and ALSO-- if you're using a public computer which MIGHT be using Plusnet internet. And everyone ELSE!!! A few comments! Sheesh