Thursday, 18 February 2010


I'm trying not to get disheartened by the lack of comments...

I mean I can see a lot of you people visit this site. I'm proud of the fact you visit from your universities, I'm proud that to date, there have been about a dozen people from Finland all clicking on my blog because they've done a Google search for free Apple iPads.

But come on. Really? 0 Comments?! After all this time? Take your fingers out people, get to some commenting. Especially you.

Yeah, you.

Ah, I'm getting loads of annoying pop ups man... You think you can sneak a quick peek at some dodgey niche porno without any ramifications and then BAM! Like a cyber strand of syphilis (Yes, my alliteration rocks) it pesters you till you pluck up the courage to do something about it, at which point it's already too late and the countless trojans, hacks and whatever else you've infested your computer with have all but eroded your Hardware. And yes, in this analogy, hardware is synonymous with man-meat?

Does syphilis erode your penis? Let's find out...

quick Google search for "effects of syphilis and we are promptly provided with a wiki page:

Ok, I regret searching for that.

There is a really gross picture of a scabby penis.

So yes, Syphilis DOES eat up your penis, No, you shouldn't do a random search for it as part of a humorous blog.

I need a moment to compose myself....

Dude, I'm getting myself checked out for syphilis. Those pictures looked gross. In fact, I encourage you to look at what syphilis can do to you. Don't have sex. At all. Never have sex. No matter how well you know your boyfriend/ girlfriend, no matter how much you love your husband or wife, don't risk it. Those effects are NOT worth it. Seriously, don't have sex. Don't even kiss, imagine you get mouth syphilis. It can happen. This guy's got a scab on his nose the size of his face...

Oh and would you look at this, the sport it affects most: Cricket! Although wiki goes on to say cricket shouldn't really be classified as a sport since it involves less physical activity than turning on a kettle...
Oh and those who study maths, PARTICULARLY... wiki's words, not mine... those who study Mathematics in London. In a CENTRALIZED location within London, within an institution which is named after a monarchistic title.... Like a KING...

And Asians.

So boy, there you have it.... Those studying Mathematics at a university with a name LIKE King and are Asian and ALSO happen to partake in standing around "playing" cricket... are 700 times more LIKELY to infect you with syphilis than anyone else.
Even more likely than someone who has been diagnosed with it.

Well, Wiki. Thanks for letting us know! Now THAT is some premium knowledge there...

Apparently men suffering from hereditary balding can't get syphilis. And are also - according to, not MY words... this is from a GENUINE website.... - And are also pretty darn cool...

Okay maybe that's not a genuine website. I dunno it could be, I just made it up. Why don't you type it into the address bar and find out? It'll give you an excuse to comment! Wooo!

I'm watching The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. And I'm eating my fish and chips, good stuff.

Edit: Don't watch Lord of the Rings: Return of the King while eating fish, especially the first scene, Gollom is eating a carp or something raw and it will easily put you off the food you've been drooling over preparing for the last half hour. So great, there goes my Cod and chips with a wedge of lemon, garlic bread and side helping of BOTH sweetcorn AND mushy peas, AND a generous helping of Ketchup and Mayo....

Ahh actually, just saying all that stuff made me hungry for it all over again, AND what's more! I have it right here in my lap!!! Hahahaha!

Okay, I'll leave you all alone to read this, I'm going to watch the rest of this ridiculously long film and end at a little past... 12? 1? I dunno...

Go join twitter to remind yourself that regardless of how crappy Facebook's new layout is, things can always be worse....


  1. I actually LOL'D REALLY load infact. That truly is some premium knowledge about syphilis.

  2. Good to know I can still make you laugh out loud really loud.
    Stay safe.

  3. And by that, I mean abstinence.

  4. er u nastyyyyyy lol
    taz x

  5. Still recovering from the whole- Most likely to be Gay remark Taz... It still hurts.

  6. If hereditary balding people are most likely to not catch syphilis then why are you worrying?

  7. It was a continuous piece of writing, first I was worried, then I read that, but then, I'm still worried because I HAVE actually played cricket in the past... AND I'm ASIAN!!!

    But I'm immune so it's all good :-)

  8. You're immune because you'll never get laid ...muhahahahahaaa!

    Be nice :|

  9. har har har Shaheed.

    Actually very funny...

    Damn you.